Transcript assertiveness - The Swift Project

The Power of Saying NO!
Annabel Shilton
Leadership Coach &
Consultant
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What is it?
ASSERTIVENESS
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Assertiveness is about being to express
yourself with confidence without have to
resort to passive, aggressive or
manipulative behaviour.
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Self awareness
Healthy self esteem
Self confidence
Positive thinking and self talk
Good interpersonal skills
Effective communication
Controlling stress
Choice to express yourself without the
fear of being dominated, exploited or
coerced against your wishes
Components
If you are putting yourself or the other
personal down in some way, your
communication style is not assertive!
!
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Basic Rights
AB-
CD
avoid or repress?
find being assertive difficult most of
the time?
find it difficult on occasion?
find it easy to be assertive?
How assertive are you?
Flight or Flight?
Body
 Breathing
 Brain
 Resourceful states
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EMOTIONAL CONTROL!
Good eye contact
Open body
posture
Four cornerstones of
Assertiveness
Neutral tone of
voice
The words used
Rapport/Mirroring and matching
 Body Language
 Listening skills
 Questioning Skills – how, what, when,
where
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IMPORTANT!
“I’ll feel guilty if I say NO”
Feel resentful, tired, used
Saying “NO”
Agree – say “yes”
I’M NOT OK
YOU’RE OK
Helpless
Hopeless
I’M NOT OK
YOU’RE NOT OK
I’M OK
YOU’RE OK
Healthy
Hostile
I’M OK
YOU’RE NOT OK
WINDOWS ON THE WORLD
Rescuer
Persecutor
Victim
DRAMA TRIANGLE
I’m sorry I really can’t take on anything
else at the moment
 I’m quite busy right now, perhaps later
 I'd like to help you out, but I don’t have
the skills to do so
 I don’t need new windows – I’m happy
with what I have thank you
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We can say NO and .....
Thanks for asking – your a nice person
but I don’t want to go out with you!
 I’d like you to give me a hug
 I want to talk to someone ....
 I’d like to leave now
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.....ask for what we want!
Potency
Responsive
Vulnerability
Winning Triangle
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Take ownership of your message
Use “I” statements
Be direct
Tackle the problem not the person
Deal with specifics not generalisations
Don’t over apologise
Be honest to yourself
Spontaneity
Assertive communication
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The irate
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The stayer
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The rabbit
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Your boss!
Problem People