Transcript Communicating Yourself

NUAS CONFERENCE
STOCKHOLM 2012
COMMUNICATING YOURSELF
and
FIGHTING FAIR
Catherine Gillo Nilsson
Student Affairs
University of Gothenburg
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ENERGISER:
BODY, HEART, MIND
A momentum builder,
An introduction,
A short training activity
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WHAT TO EXPECT
• The proposed outcomes of this workshop are:
-increased insight on the concept of assertiveness
and assertive communication with compassion
[what]
-practice self-expression and train the ability to
formulate self-disclosing “I-messages” [when, how]
-to gain increased awareness of one's conflict
management style in order to further develop
conflict management skills – [what,when,how]
• Interactive workshop. Experiential learning method.
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Self Concept ...
the organized consistent conceptual gestalt
composed of
•perceptions of the characteristics of 'I' or 'me' and
• the perceptions of the relationships of the 'I' or 'me'
to others and to various aspects of life,
•together with the values attached to these
perceptions.
It is a gestalt which is available to awareness though
not necessarily in awareness. It is a fluid and
changing gestalt, a process, but at any given
moment it is a specific entity.
-Carl Rogers, 1959: Founder of humanistic approach to Psychology
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Unfinished Business
Workshop House Rules
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Introduction: CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES
a group activity
Compete and Fight it
out to win
I yield - you win, I lose
Compromise
Avoidance
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DEBRIEFING
REFLECTIONS: Thoughts, Feelings, Reactions, Observations
CONCLUSIONS: Lessons learnt
ACTION : What and How
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What is Assertiveness and
Assertive Communication Skills?
Experiential Exercise 1
The assertive behaviour continuum
Non-assertive
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
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What is Assertiveness and
Assertive Communication Skills?
DEBRIEFING
The assertive behaviour continuum
Non-assertive
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
Honest, open, direct,
Communicating respectfully
as equals
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ASSERTIVENESS and ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
WHEN: Situations and purpose
• When you want to express your thoughts, emotions, and needs.
• When you want to give an honest and facilitative ’feedback’ on
how another person’s words or actions affect you
• When you want to formulate clearly a request
• When you receive feedback and want to respond effectively
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ASSERTIVENESS and ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
HOW: Communicating Yourself
”Connecting compassíonately with ourselves and others”
• SELF-EXPRESSION:
the expressive, responsive and preventive I-messages
• SELF-DISCLOSURE:
The full-bore, self-disclosing I-message / I-declaration
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PRACTICING SELF-DISCLOSURE:
The full-bore I-message / I declaration
Experiential Exercise in pairs followed by debriefing in whole group.
Different scenarios.
1. When you…(non-blameful description of behaviour/situation)…
2. I feel ……because ........
(feelings and concrete and tangible effects on you)…
3. I would like / appreciate …(request or proposal for the future)
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DEBRIEFING the EXERCISE
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Part 1: Observation
vs Judgment / Evaluation
A non-blameful, objective description of behaviour:
(observing without judging)
• be concrete and specific in describing behaviours based on facts
• do not generalize
• be honest and do not exaggerate or over-state
”Observing without evaluating is the highest form of
human intelligence.”
- J. Krishnamurti, Indian philosopher
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Part 2: Feelings
vs Non-feelings
Identifying and expressing clear statement of feelings and
acknowledging needs
• distinguish between feelings and thoughts (how we think others behave
towards us)
• be honest and do not exaggerate
• do not try to look for sympathy
• connect your feeling with your ”need” (or what difference it does make to
YOU)
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Part 3: Request
vs Demands
Making request to achieve a relationship
based on honesty and empathy
• Be honest
• Use clear, positive, specific action language in expressing what
you really want
• Make request consciously
• Ask the receiver to reflect back, or paraphrase the message
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COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION with COPMPASSION
Assertiveness, Honest selfexpression
Listening and Receiving
with Empathy
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C
O
O
P
E
R
A
T
I
V
E
N
E
S
S
YOU win, I lose
ACCOMMODATING
WIN-WIN
COLLABORATION
COMPROMISE
I win, YOU lose
COMPETING
AVOIDING
ASSERTIVENESS
Based on Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Managemenet styles
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COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION
Assertiveness,
Honest self-expression
Listening and Receiving
with Empathy
CORE TRAINING WORKSHOP For PEER HELPERS
”UBUNTU” and The concept of Peerness
Self-awareness, Values clarification
Non-vebal communication, Non-verbal attending
Roadblocks to effective communication
Active listening and Empathy
Empathic Response
Questioning skills
I-message, Assertiveness
Decision-making
Confidentiality, Ethics, Referrals
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DEBRIEFING
The Experiential Learning Cycle (Kolb and Fry, 1975)
Concrete experience
Reflection
Action
Wisdom
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Debriefing (ELC)
How did you experience the exercises?
What was the most challenging moment in the exercises for you?
How did you experience being in this group? What were your thoughts
feelings and reactions while participating in the activities?
What did you observe?
How would you compare this experience with past experiences in the
same area?
What did you learn about yourself? About others?
What personal meaning has this exercise for you?
What will you do differently in the future as a result of this experience?
Any other insights gained or regained today ?
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SUMMARY
AND
CLOSURE
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Thank you for your participation !
Let’s end this workshop with
Marimba rhythms
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References and further readings:
• Borisoff, D., and D.A. Victor. Conflict Management: A Communication Skills
Approach. 2nd ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1998.
• Carr, R. & Saunders, G. The Peer Assistance Starter Kit.3rd edition. Victoria,
Canada: Peer Systems Consulting Group, 2011
• Covey, S. (1989), Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. New York: Simon &
Schuster.
• Kolb, D.A. & Fry, R. (1975). Toward an applied theory of experiential learning. In
C.Cooper(Ed.) Theories of group process. London: John Wiley.
• Rosenberg, M. (2003), Non-violent communication: a Language of Life. California:
PuddleDancer Press.
• Thomas, K.W., and R.H. Kilmann. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.
Sterling Forest, NY: Xicom, Inc., 1974
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