Transcript Conflict Resolutions/Anger Management

Conflict
Resolutions/Anger
Management
Spring 2015
ASCA Student Standards
PS:A1.5 Identify and express feelings
PS:A2.1 Recognize that everyone
has rights and responsibilities
PS:A2.2 Respect alternative points
of view
PS:A2.3 Recognize, accept, respect
and appreciate individual
differences
PS:A2.6 Use effective
communications skills
PS:B1.1 Use a decision-making and
problem-solving model
PS:B1.2 Understand consequences of
decisions and choices
PS:B1.3 Identify alternative solutions
to a problem
PS:B1.4 Develop effective coping
skills for dealing with problems
PS:C1.7 Apply effective problemsolving and decision-making skills to
make safe and healthy choices
Learning Objectives
1. Students will learn to demonstrate an understanding of
conflict resolution strategies.
2. Students will practice assertive communication in regards
to using “I” statements.
3. Students will learn the steps for de-escalating situations
and negotiation skills.
What is Assertive
Communication?
Assertive Communication
Express themselves openly and honestly to
communicate their needs, wants or feeling,
without discounting the wants, needs, or
feelings of others.
Tend to try to negotiate to right a wrong
Tend to confront the situation/person
respectfully but directly
What is Avoidant
Communication?
Avoidant Communication
(Passive)
Permit others to take advantage of them
Discount themselves and act as if others are more
important than they are
Tend to deny anger
May not be aware that they have the right to be angry.
What is Aggressive
Communication?
Aggressive Communication
Intentionally attack, take advantage of, humiliate, hurt, put
down, or depreciate other people.
Act on the behalf that others are not important as they are.
Blow up
Blame Others
Call them names
Can equate to violence
Worse way to handle feelings
“You & I” Statements
What’s the difference?
“You” Statements
Why don’t you ever listen?
You just don’t understand me!
Why are you always late?
You must study or you won’t score well
You are of no help at all!
You are so insensitive, you just don’t care, you don’t love me
“You” Statements
These are called ‘You statements’ and are the typical way
we communicate.
We tell the person what he/she did or didn’t do, whether it
was right or wrong or what he should or shouldn’t be doing.
Such statements, more often than not sound like accusations
and blame. It conveys judgment.
No one likes being judged and hence it closes down
communication lines.
It puts the person on the defense, making him unable and
unwilling to be open to what you have to say and truly listen
“I” Statements
I feel unheard, can we talk?
I feel like I’m not being understood and its making me feel upset.
I feel anxious when you don’t arrive on time. I find it difficult to
complete work as it gets delayed without you.
I am worried about your scores and I would be happy to see you
successful. Maybe we can work at improving study habits.
I feel overworked and would appreciate some extra help.
“I” Statements
“I” statements are designed to express and take responsibility for
your feelings rather than blaming others.
There are four steps to developing an “I” statement. The focus is on
the action or the circumstance you want changed, not on the
person.
First, tell the person, “I have a problem”.
Secondly, make a non-threatening description of the problem.
Third, tell the person how you feel about the problem.
Let Reality be the disciplining agent by asking two questions:
a). “If you continue this behavior, will it make our
relationship better or worse?”
b). “Do you want our relationship to get better or worse?”
Disguised “You” Statements
One thing to be alert about though are disguised statements.
Statements like “ I feel that…” or I feel like…” as they are
just hidden “You” statements – “I feel that you are getting
stubborn” or “I feel like you don’t spend any time with me”.
These have the same accusatory effect and do not help.
De-Escalator Steps
1. Stay cool, calm and on center.
2. Give the other person some space
3. Listen to the other person
4. Set your limits with non-blaming statements
5. Lighten things up
6. Admit your part
Negotiation Steps
1. Agreeing to solve the problem
2. Telling your stories or side.
3. Clarifying needs.
4. Explore Win-Win solutions & reach an agreement.
Last Round of “I” Statements
Use “I” Message assertive communications as an intervention tool to
control behavior problems before acting-out occurs.
1. Tell the person “I have a problem.”
.
2. Make a “non-threatening” description of the problem or behavior.
3. Tell the person(s) how you feel about the problem or behavior.
4. Let Reality be the disciplining agent by asking two questions:
a). “If you continue this behavior, will it make our
relationship better or worse?”
b). “Do you want our relationship to get better or worse?”
“I” Statement Example
“I have a problem.”
“I have noticed that you argue with people when they ask
you to quit (the problem behavior).”
“It makes me feel bad when you do this because if you
continue to act in this manner (the problem behavior), I must
warn you, you won’t be able to earn all your points.”
4. If you continue (the problem behavior), will it make our
relationship better or worse? Do you want our relationship to
get better or worse?”
Conclusion
People come into contact with conflict on a daily basis. Students
can learn that conflict is not necessarily synonymous with anger
or violence. Hopefully the various tools learned in this lesson
will give you, the students, an array of options to handle
conflict.