Transcript Choices in Relationships

CHAPTER 4
Communication in
Relationships
Chapter 4: Communication
Introduction
• Quote: “Good communication is as stimulating
as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Author
• Discussion:
– How important do you consider
communication in a relationship?
– What are some ways that bad communication
skills will negatively effect a relationship?
Chapter 4: Communication
Chapter Outline
• Interpersonal Communication
• Conflicts in Relationships
• Principles and Techniques of Effective
Communication
• Gender, Culture, and Communication
• Self-Disclosure, Dishonesty, and Secrets
• Lying and Cheating
• Theories Applied to Relationship Communication
• Fighting Fair: Seven Steps in Conflict Resolution
• The Future of Communication
Interpersonal Communication
• Communication can be defined as the
process of exchanging information and
feelings between two people.
• Although most communication is focused
on verbal content, much (estimated to be
as high as 80%) interpersonal
communication is nonverbal.
Interpersonal Communication
• Discussion:
– Look at the picture. What nonverbal message is the
female conveying to the male?
Interpersonal Communication:
Words versus Action
• A great deal of social discourse depends
on saying things that sound good but
which have no meaning in terms of
behavioral impact.
– “Let’s get together.”
– “Let’s hang out.”
• Discussion: How could one rephrase the
comments above in order to have more
direct behavioral intent?
Interpersonal Communication:
Texting, IM, and Social Media
• Today’s youth are being
socialized in a hyper-digital
age where traditional
modes of communication
will be replaced by gadgets
and texting (young people
send an average of 2,272
text messages a month).
• This shift to greater use of
technology affects
relationships in both
positive and negative ways.
Conflicts In Relationships
• Conflict is the interaction that results when
the behavior of one person interferes with
the behavior of another.
• Conflict is inevitable in any intimate
relationship.
• Conflict can be healthy and productive for
a couple’s relationship.
– Ignoring an issue may result in the partners
becoming resentful and dissatisfied.
Conflicts in Relationships:
Sources of Conflict
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Behavior
Cognition and perceptions
Value differences
Inconsistent rules
Leadership ambiguity
15 Principles And Techniques Of
Effective Communication
1. Make communication a priority.
2. Avoid negative/harmful statements to your
partner.
3. Say positive things about your partner.
4. Establish and maintain eye contact.
5. Ask open-ended questions.
6. Use reflective listening.
7. Use “I” statements.
8. Establish touch.
9. Use “soft” emotions.
15 Principles And Techniques Of
Effective Communication
10.Tell your partner what you want.
11.Stay focused on the issue.
12.Make specific resolutions to
disagreements.
13.Give congruent messages.
14.Share power.
15.Keep the process of communication
going.
Gender, Culture, and Communication:
Gender Differences
• Women and men differ in their approach to and
patterns of communication.
• The genders also differ in regard to emotionality.
• Women tend to be more communicative about
relationship issues, approach issues more
emotionally, and disclose more in their
relationships than men do.
• Men and women also differ in the degree to which
they use tentative speech – word which convey
uncertainty and a lack of confidence for a
communicator.
Gender, Culture, and Communication:
Cultural Differences
• Communication styles vary by country.
• See the example below:
Self-Disclosure, Dishonesty, and Secrets:
Self Disclosure
• Involves revealing personal information and
feelings about oneself to another person
• Relationships become more stable when
individuals disclose:
– Their formative years
– Previous relationships (positive and negative)
– Experiences of elation and
sadness/depression
– Goals (achieved and thwarted)
Discussion: Should One Partner Disclose
HIV/STIs To The Other?
• Avoiding disclosure or lying about having an
STI is a serious ethical violation.
• Some states and cities have laws that require
health care providers to advise all persons
with serious sexually transmitted diseases
about the importance of informing their sex or
needle-sharing partner(s).
• Your Opinion: What do you think the penalty
should be for deliberately exposing a person
to an STI?
Self-Disclosure, Dishonesty, and Secrets
• Forms of Dishonesty and Deception
– Dishonesty and deception take various forms.
– People may exaggerate or conceal the truth, pretend,
or withhold information.
• Family Secrets
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Abuse
Substance Abuse
Cheating/Adultery
Homosexuality
Adoption
Heritage
Illness/Death
Lying and Cheating
• Lying, a deliberate attempt to mislead, is
pervasive in American society.
• Lying in College Student Relationships
• Cheating in College Student Relationships
Forms Of Dishonesty And
Deception
• Food for thought…
– Over 95% of university students in one study
reported having lied to their parents when
they were living at home.
– In response to the statement, “I have lied to a
person I was involved with,” 5Seven% of
2,922 undergrads reported “yes.” 14%
reported having lied to a partner about their
previous number of sexual partners.
Theories Applied To
Relationship Communication
• Symbolic Interactionism
– Interactionists examine the process of
communication between two actors in terms
of the meanings each attaches to the actions
of the other.
• Social Exchange
– Suggest that communication can be
described as a ratio of rewards to costs
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps In
Conflict Resolution
1. Address Recurring, Disturbing Issues
2. Identify New Desired Behaviors
3. Identify Perceptions to Change
4. Summarize Your Partner’s Perspective
5. Generate Alternative Win-Win Solutions
6. Forgive
7. Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict
Resolution:
Win-Win Relationships
• Relationships in which conflict is resolved
so each partner benefits from the
resolution.
– Win-Win
• Both partners get something they want.
– Win-Lose
• Only one partner gets what he or she wants.
– Lose-Lose
• Neither partner gets what he or she wants.
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict
Resolution:
Generate Alternative Win-Win Relationships
• In Evaluating Solutions To Conflicts, It May Be
Helpful To Ask These Questions:
1. Does the solution satisfy both individuals?
2. Is the solution specific? Does it specify
exactly who is to do what, how, and when?
3. Is the solution realistic?
4. Does the solution prevent the problem from
reoccurring?
5. Does the solution specify what is to happen
if the problem recurs?
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict
Resolution:
Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms
• Effective conflict resolution is sometimes
blocked by defense mechanisms –
unconscious techniques that function to protect
individuals from anxiety and to minimize
emotional hurt.
• Common Defense Mechanisms:
– Escapism
– Rationalization
– Projection
– Displacement
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps to Conflict
Resolution:
Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms
• Escapism
– Simultaneous denial of and withdrawal from a
problem.
• Rationalization
– Cognitive justifications for one’s own behavior that
unconsciously conceals one’s true motives.
• Projection
– Occurs when one spouse unconsciously attributes
individual feelings, attitudes or desires to the partner.
• Displacement
– Involves shifting feelings, thoughts, or behaviors from
the person who evokes them onto someone else.
The Future of Communication
• The future of communication will
increasingly involve technology in the form
of texting, smart phones, Facebook, etc.
• Such technology will be used to initiate,
enhance, and maintain relationships.
Quick Quiz
1. What is the most INEFFECTIVE manner
of communication?
a.
b.
c.
d.
"I" statements
"You" statements
Saying positive things about your partner
Sharing power
Quick Quiz
2. Effective conflict resolution is often
blocked by:
a.
b.
c.
d.
volatile conflict style
defense mechanisms
lose-lose situations
avoidance
Quick Quiz
3. The process of exchanging information
and feelings between two people is
called:
a.
b.
c.
d.
interaction
rapport
evaluation
communication
Quick Quiz
4. Which of the following was not listed as a
source of conflict in communication?
a.
b.
c.
d.
Behavior
Cognitions and perceptions
Inconsistent rules
Making communication a priority
Quick Quiz
5. Which one of the following is a defense
mechanism that is a cognitive justification
for one’s own behavior to unconsciously
conceals one’s motives?
a.
b.
c.
d.
Escapism
Rationalization
Projection
Displacement