Transcript M4L Lesson 12: What is the key to better relationships? Learn why

M4L Lesson 12:
What is the key to better relationships?
Learn why other people matter.
© Paul T. P. Wong
An Overview
 Our
well-being depends on meeting the
primary need for relationship.
 Our
hell comes from broken relationships &
interpersonal aggression.
 Other
 The
people matter: from ME to WE.
PURE way to build better relationships.
We are made for each other
We are social animals
Fear of loneliness is the other side
of our need for relationship
Our brains are relational
"Interpersonal relationships
that are attuned to
promote the growth of
integrative fibers in the
brain. It is these
regulatory fibers that
enable the embodied
brain to function well and
for the mind to have a
deep sense of coherence
and well-being.”
Daniel Siegel "Mindsight"
We create hell for each other
The four main causes of
interpersonal conflicts
Self-centered pursuits
2. Too much stress
3. Failure in
communication
4. Bias and prejudice
1.
What is The Leading Cause of
Divorce?
Gottman: The 4 horsemen of
Apocalypse
Other people matter
Why other people matter

The ME is WE -- family, friends & community.

We all belong to the human family.

We are all bearers of the image of God.

Our well-being depends on relating well to people.

The good life depends on balancing personal needs with
the common good.

The golden rule is a universal basis for justice and
morality and foundation for the good life.
Agency vs. communion:
Two primary motivations
From ME to WE is the key
Buber’s I-Thou relationship
I
Thou
it
The Meaning-Centered Approach
to better relationships
Shared
Purpose
Understanding
Assume Responsibility
Enjoy Each Other
Mutual
Shared Purpose

Do you share the same core values & moral
principles?

What is your ideal of a fulfilling life? What is
your spouse’s?

What are the activities do you enjoy doing
together?

What do you want to accomplish together now?

Do you share the same priorities in planning for
the future?
Mutual Understanding

Do you know what is troubling your spouse right
now?

Do you know what still keeps you together in spite of
the conflicts you have experienced together?

What is the most frequent trigger to marital quarrels?
Why?

Do you know each other’s aspirations and dreams?

What is the most serious unresolved issue between
the two of you? Why has it been left unresolved to this
date?
Responsible Action

Do you blame your spouse for family problems?

Do you take personal responsibility for your own
happiness?

Have you delivered most of the promises you have made?

Do you readily admit your mistakes and apologize?

Do you frequently forgive each other’s mistakes?

In terms of priorities, where does your spouse rank?

Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and do
something to make your partner happy?
Enjoy Each Other
Conclusion

What makes life worth living is family, friends
and serving the common good.

Other people matter more than possessions and
position

Change our thinking from ME to WE

Apply the PURE principle to build relationships