Transcript exercise 1
EXERCISE 1 NO.1 (Worse) All inputs are combined by engineers to create a product. (Better) Engineers combine all inputs to create a product. [NOTE 1.1] Switching from passive voice to active voice makes the sentence more direct, concise and persuasive. NO.2 (Worse) Three phases of analysis are included in their approach. (Better) Their approach includes three phases of analysis. [NOTE 1.2] Passive voice makes the sentence wordy [嘮叨的] or indecisive [優柔寡斷的]. Active voice makes the sentence more direct and clear. NO.3 (Worse) A statistical comparison is made of the proposed procedures with Taguchi's two-step procedure. (Better) The proposed procedures and Taguchi's two-step procedure are statistically compared. [NOTE 1.3] Using a verb instead of a noun simplifies this sentence. Avoid sentences that contain phrases like is made, is done, is performed, is conducted, is undertaken and is achieved. [NOTE 1.3] (CONT.) Consider the following examples (Original) Simulation of the program is done. (Revised) The program is simulated. (Original) Implementation of the program is performed. (Revised) The program is implemented. (Original) Optimization of the output is achieved. (Revised) The output is optimized. NO.4 (Worse) A more efficient combination among the factor levels is achieved when the control factor is continuous. (Better) The factor levels are more efficiently combined when the control factor is continuous. NO.5 (Worse) Factors causing saturation include temperature, volume and weight. (Better) Temperature, volume and weight cause saturation. [NOTE 1.4] A writer should use strong verbs that imply a precise action. In this case, cause implies a more precise action than include. Avoid overusing verbs like make, come, take, is, are, was,were which often have a general meaning rather than a precise one. [NOTE 1.4] (CONT.) Consider the following examples (Original (Unclear)) The purpose of this study is to understand the underlying factors. (Revised (Clear)) This study attempts (aims) to understand the underlying factors. (Original (Unclear)) The committee made a decision on what to do next. (Revised (Clear action)) The committee decided what to do next. NO.6 (Worse) The Taguchi approach entails minimizing the average quadratic loss. (Better) The Taguchi approach minimizes the average quadratic loss. NO.7 (Worse) There has been a considerable amount of studies on robust design. (Better) Robust design has received considerable attention. [NOTE 1.5] Avoid sentences that start with There and It to save space and to achieve a greater emphasis [NOTE 1.5] (CONT.) Consider the following examples (Original) There are many programs available in Taiwan. (Revised) Many programs are available in Taiwan. (Original) It is possible to create many designs with the software. (Revised) Many designs can be created with the software. NO.8 (Worse) There is a significant difference in control levels for the parameter settings. (Better) The parameter settings significantly differ in control levels. [NOTE 1.6] In the revised sentence, the writer not only avoids the There is sentence opener [開端] but also turns a general verb (is) into a precise one (significantly differ). NO.9 (Worse) The committee made a decision on the question as to using an individual mouse or a trackball would be more productive. (Better) The committee decided whether using a mouse or a trackball in the workplace would be more productive. [NOTE 1.7] In addition to using a strong verb that expresses a more precise action (decided instead of made a decision ), the revised sentence uses a simpler word instead of a wordy phrase (whether instead of the question as to). NO.10 (Worse) As a general rule, mice and trackballs serve the function of being both used for the same reason. (Better) As a rule, mice and trackballs are both used for the same reason. [NOTE 1.8] Another form of redundancy is putting two words together that have the same meaning. Since rule implies something that is general, the writer can easily cut this phrase in half by simply saying rule instead of general rule.