Transcript Exercise 2
Exercise 2 No.1 (Worse) Either the supply or consumers determines the market outcome. (Better) Either the supply or consumers determine the market outcome. [Note 1.18] Whenever or or nor connects two subjects, the subject closest to verb should determine whether the verb is singular or plural. Since consumers is the closet to verb, the verb should be plural. No.2 (Worse) The department chairman and professor are my current employer. (Better 1) The department chairman and professor is my current employer. (Better 2) The professor who acts as the chairman is my current employer. [Note 1.19] Although a plural verb is usually used when two or more subjects are connected by and, a singular verb should be used when the two or more subjects refer to the same person or thing. No.3 (Worse) Telecommunications have been widely studied in recent years. (Better) Telecommunications has been widely studied in recent years. [Note 1.20] Because a noun is plural in form (ending in s or es) does not mean that it is plural in meaning. Like telecommunications, other examples such as mathematics, physics and economics take singular verbs because they refer to a singular body of knowledge. No.4 (Worse) The optimization phrase determines a feasible factor level combination to optimize the process quality. This may be difficult for users without previous statistical training. (Better) The optimization phrase determines a feasible factor level combination to optimize the process quality. This approach may be difficult for users without previous statistical training. [Note 1.21] Beginning a sentence with This or That may confuse the reader as to what the writer is referring to. In this sentence, the reader could confuse This to refer to only optimization phrase, feasible factor level combination or process quality. Instead, adding approach behind This lets the reader know what the author is referring to in the previous sentence. No.5 (Worse) After the board meeting was finished, they left the room. (Better 1) After the board meeting was finished, the participants left the room. (Better 2) The participants left the room after the board meeting was finished. [Note 1.22] A writer occasionally use a pronoun to imply what it refers to, thereby assuming that the reader will know what referent for pronoun is. However, some readers do not understand what the writer is implying when a pronoun is used. Since the board meeting is made up of participant, the writer used the pronoun they, assuming that the reader would understand. However, this implied meaning often creates confusion. No.6 (Worse) It is preferred in standard methods to select a tentative model based on censored data. (Better) Standard methods prefer selecting a tentative model based on censored data. [Note 1.23] Spoken English often uses they, it , and you without a particular referent in mind. For example “In Taiwan, they use chopsticks.” However, in writing, they, it, and you should not be used unless they have an antecedent. No.7 (Worse) This study focuses on examination of Taguchi’s two step procedure and demonstrating how the wafer quality is improved in the deposition process. (Better) This study examines Taguchi’s two step procedure and demonstrates how the deposition process improves the wafer quality. [Note 1.24] A sentence is not parallel when a noun (examination) and a gerund (demonstrating) are used together. No.8 (Worse) The two step procedure attempts to identify those factors that signficantly affect the signal-to-noise (SN) ratio and finding the adjustment factors that markedly influence the mean. (Better) The two step procedure attempts to identify those factors that significantly affect the signal-to-noise (SN) ratio and find the adjustment factors that markedly influence the mean. [Note 1.25] A sentence is not parallel when using an infinitive (to identify) and a gerund (finding) are used together. No.9 (Worse) The adjustment factors are found by selection of the appropriate levels and to vary the surrounding factors. (Better) The adjustment factors are found by selecting the appropriate levels and varying the surrounding factors. [Note 1.26] A sentence is not parallel when a noun (selection) and an infinitive (to vary) are used together. No.10 (Worse) Being a volatile compound, the chemist handled the mixture with extreme caution. (Better) Because the mixture was a volatile compound, the chemist handled it with extreme caution. [Note 1.27] In this sentence, the mixture rather than the chemist was a volatile compound. The revised sentence eliminates the dangling modifier. No.11 (Worse) The new computer has many improved functions that reached the market last week. (Better) The new computer that reached the market last week has many improved functions. [Note 1.28] A common mistake of technical writers is the use of a misplaced modifier when the clause or phrase does not clearly modify what it should. In the revised sentence, the modifying clause that reached the market last week is placed next to what it should modify, The new computer, this eliminating confusion. No.12 (Worse) The model offered by the manufacturer with the latest functions has many advantages over older models. (Better) The model with the latest functions offered by the manufacturer has many advantages over older models. [Note 1.29] Placing the modifying phrase with the latest functions in the wrong place erroneously states that the manufacturer not the modem has the latest functions. No.13 (Worse) The input’s power is greater than the output. (Better) The input’s power is greater than that of the output. [Note 1.30] The comparison in this sentence is illogical. Instead of comparing power to the input, either power is compared to power or input is compared to input. The revised sentence makes the sentence logical. No.14 (Worse) The back propagation network can be used estimate the mapping function between the two variables. (Better) The back propagation network can be used to estimate the mapping function between the two variables. [Note 1.31] Make sure that necessary words are not missing. Otherwise, the meaning will be unclear. No.15 (Worse) The novel algorithm is more efficient in terms of computational cost. (Better) The novel algorithm is more efficient than conventional ones in terms of computational cost. No.16 (Worse) Turn on the machine and the valve should be closed. (Better) Turn on the machine and close the valve. [Note 1.32] The writer should avoid shifting moods, particularly from imperative (i.e. stating a command) to indicative (i.e. stating a fact or question). No.17 (Worse) The academic advisor asked the graduate student if the paper was completed and is it ready to send to journal for review? (Better) The academic advisor asked the graduate student if the paper was completed and ready to send to journal for review. [Note 1.33] The writer should avoid shifting from indirect course (i.e. reporting what the speaker said) to direct course (i.e. stating the actual words of the speaker), or vice versa. No.18 (Worse) The laboratory manager arranged the meeting and the discussion was led by him. (Better) The laboratory manager arranged the meeting and led the discussion. [Note 1.34] Shifting the subject from laboratory manager to discussion makes this sentence less emphatic and confuses the reader from identifying the important subject.