Transcript exercise 2
EXERCISE 2 NO.1 (Worse) This concept was further extended in their work to include the conventional approach. (Better) Their work further extended this concept to include the conventional approach. [NOTE 1.9] Putting the sentence in active voice not only saves space and makes the sentence more direct, but also places the most important noun at the front of the sentence. NO.2 (Worse) A simple modification of these notions was made by Smith et al. for determination of the constructs. (Better) Smith et al. simply modified these notions to determine the constructs. [NOTE 1.10] Again, turning nouns into verbs is an easy way of simplifying a sentence. NO.3 (Worse) For determination of the optimum conditions for the nominal-the-best robust design problems, this work is conducted to develop a simple procedure to do so. (Better) This work develops a simple procedure to determine the optimum conditions for the nominal-the-best robust design problems. [NOTE 1.11] Like the original sentence, many writers add unnecessary prefaces in front of the subject. Doing so tends to push the subject away from the front of the sentence and makes it more difficult for the reader to identify. However, in the revised sentence, the subject is placed in front of the sentence by making an unnecessary noun (determination) into a verb. NO.4 (Worse) A continuous change of flexible manufacturing systems in a dynamic environment occurs. (Better) Flexible manufacturing systems continuously change in a dynamic environment. [NOTE 1.12] Instead of hiding a verb inside a noun, the revised sentence is simplified and continuously change expresses a more direct action than occurs. NO.5 (Worse) Those factors have a significant effect on the signal-to-noise (SN) ratio. (Better) Those factors significantly affect the signal-to-noise (SN) ratio. NO.6 (Worse) Leon, Shoemaker and Kacker (1987) provided a justification for the use of the SN ratio and an explanation of why Taguchi's twostep procedure would minimize average loss. (Better) Leon, Shoemaker and Kacker (1987) justified using the SN ratio and explained why Taguchi’s two-step procedure would minimize average loss. [NOTE 1.14] Turing nouns into verbs makes the sentence less wordy and more direct. NO.7 (Worse) It seems that the optimal factor/level combination is dominated by the maximum quality loss. (Better) The maximum quality loss seems to dominate the optimal factor/level combination. [NOTE 1.15] Avoiding the sentence opener of It and changing from passive to active voice greatly simplify this sentence. NO.8 (Worse) There is a slight difference in terms of speed. (Better) The two methods slightly differ in speed. [NOTE 1.16] Avoiding There is sentence openers not only makes the sentence more direct by putting the subject towards the front the sentence , but also makes the sentence less wordy . The sentence can be further simplified by watching out for wordy phrases (in instead of in terms of) NO.9 (Worse) There can be little doubt that AB is a more stable operating system than CD in order that the user is able to make future predictions of market trends. (Better) AB is undoubtedly a more stable operating system than CD so the user can predict market trends . [NOTE 1.17] As the above revision demonstrates, omitting wordy phrases and expressing the same meaning more concisely can greatly simplify a sentence. As mentioned earlier, putting two words together that have the same meaning is another form of redundancy. Redundancy in this sentence is omitted by simply saying predictions instead of future predictions. Furthermore, turning the noun predictions into predict further simplifies the sentence. NO.10 (Worse) There is a need for clarification of organizational goals at such time as the company is capable of entering the global market in the near future. (Better) Organizational goals must be clarified when the company can enter the global market soon.