Transcript I Never Knew I Had a Choice - 9th ed.

Chapter 7: Relationships
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Each person in the relationship
 has a separate identity

is able to give and receive honest and respectful
feedback
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assumes responsibility for his or her own level of
happiness

actively works at keeping the relationship alive
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Each person in the relationship
 enjoys being with the other and is considered an
equal

finds meaning and sources of nourishment
outside the relationship

is growing and changing and moving in a
direction in life that is personally meaningful
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Each person in the relationship
 encourages the other to become all they are
capable of becoming rather than being
controlling

does not expect the other to do for him or her
what he or she is capable of doing

has a commitment to the other
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A few tips in dealing with anger:
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Value the recognition and expression of anger
Express anger in a way that does not assassinate
another’s character
Don’t hold on to anger or nurse grudges
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A few tips in dealing with anger:
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Recognize danger signs when anger gets in the
way of relationships
Talk more about yourself than about what is
wrong with the other person
Decide when it is better not to express anger
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Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual
differences
If conflict emerges, keep the following points in
mind:

If you confront a person, know why

View confrontation as a caring act

Accept responsibility for your own feelings
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If conflict emerges, keep the following points in
mind:

Tell others how you are struggling with them

Don’t walk away from conflict
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Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you

Be willing to forgive yourself
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Intimate partner violence or domestic abuse involves
exerting power and control over others
It can take the form of physical, sexual, emotional,
psychological, or economic abuse
Abusers use tactics to increase their victim’s dependence
on them
If you believe you are in an abusive relationship, exercise
great caution in how you interact with your partner
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Victims may rationalize their choice to stay by saying
that their situation is not so bad and is likely to improve
Victims often excuse their partner’s behavior and find
fault with themselves for bringing about the abuse
Victims may have legitimate concerns for their safety
and the safety of their loved ones if they leave
College counseling centers, community agencies, and
hotlines offer services to assist victims of intimate
partner abuse
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Hearing only what you want to hear
Being overly concerned about getting your
point across
Silently rehearsing what you will say as you are
“listening”
Becoming overly defensive
Making assumptions about the other person
without checking them out
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The social networking phenomenon has truly
changed what it means to have “friends”
Although there are many advantages to social
networking, be aware of the level of risk you are
incurring by disclosing personal information online
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A potential advantage of using an online dating
service is that it offers a mechanism for matching
for compatibility
Relationships that develop online often move
successfully to the offline realm
In some online relationships, intimacy is developed
more rapidly than in face-to-face relationships,
resulting in hyperpersonal relationships
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Many people in same-sex relationships experience
discrimination and oppression
Just as same-sex marriage has generated strong
opposition in some states, rules regarding
adoption of children by same-sex couples vary
from state to state
Homophobia, the irrational fear of homosexual
people and strong negative attitudes about
homosexuality, sometimes leads to hate crimes
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Cross-cultural attitudes toward homosexuality
range from condemnation to acceptance
Gay-affirmative therapy helps individuals accept
their sexual identity and learn strategies to deal
with those in society who harbor prejudice toward
them
The gay pride movement is actively challenging the
social stigma attached to sexual identity
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Allow yourself the time to grieve
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Express your anger without violence
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Take responsibility for your own part in the
relationship
Find a support network
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Take care of other aspects of your life
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Make use of writing in your journal
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Be willing to forgive — both yourself and the other
person
Seek closure and learn from the experience
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