Transcript Reading Right from the Start

Behavior Right from the Start
Helping Your Child Exhibit
Appropriate Behavior
Presented by :
Christine DePinto
Lisa Jaramillo
Sheila Rivera
Lora Wegner
Pasquale Cocucci,
Clarendon School Principal
Susan Smahl,
Director of Special Services
The goal of this workshop is to give you a
better understanding of the importance
of appropriate behavior
We want to assist your child in developing:
*Patience
*Impulse Control
*Anger Management
*Communication Skills
*Social Skills
*Conflict Resolution Skills
in order to exhibit appropriate behavior.
Consistency - Routines
According to the Center on the Social and
Emotional Foundations for Early Learning:
Studies have documented that schedules and routines
influence children’s emotional, cognitive, and social
development. Predictable and consistent schedules in
preschool classrooms help children feel secure and
comfortable. Also, schedules and routines help children
understand the expectations of the environment and
reduce the frequency of behavior problems, such as
tantrums and acts of aggression.
Setting and implementing steadfast routines
and patterns removes the unexpected
frustrations that often lead to conflict.
When a child is prepared for what is coming
in his/her day there is less chance that he
or she will rebel.
Furthermore, when parents are united and
consistent in these routines, the child will
become adjusted to the pattern more quickly
and realize that there are some things that
are simply not negotiable.
Parent/Child Communication:
Establishing Expectations and Consequences
“If a person is good only because they fear
punishment, and hope for reward, then we
are a sorry lot indeed.”
- Albert Einstein
Parents must clearly express their expectations
for any given endeavor.
Telling a child to “be good in the store” may
not be sufficient. Specific expectations and clear,
unwavering consequences are required for an
optimal outcome.
Example: “If you stay in the shopping cart the
whole time we are in the store, and don’t cry, then
you can have extra time at the park this
afternoon.”
Parents and caregivers MUST follow through
on all stated rewards and punishments.
If a reward is promised and not provided, there
will be a breach of trust.
If a punishment is “threatened” but not enforced,
there will be no fear of repercussions in future
events.
Punishments and rewards must also be immediate
to be truly effective or else they will not be stored
in memory as a causal effect.
“I” Messages
“I” messages are an effective form of structured
communication.
When communicating to children we often naturally
speak in a way that is ambiguous.
“Can you put your toys away for mommy?” often
leads to an answer of no, while “I need you to put
those toys away now so that we can get ready to go
to grandma’s house” can lead to more immediate
action.
When a child expresses frustration and anger
over a situation, it is important to not invalidate
those feelings. At the same time, we must remain
resolute in the cause at hand, whether it be to
have a child complete a task or just to ensure
they are expressing his/her emotions
appropriately (or both!).
This is where the “I” messages can help!
And remember, “Listening is not waiting to talk.”
(Scott Ginsberg). Our communication skills as
adults are key factors also.
Scenario: Child is mad at having to pick up toys so
he/she proceeds to throw things angrily and kick
furniture.
Response: “I understand you’re upset but I can
not let you break things or hurt yourself. You can
take a break on the bed or in a chair to calm down
but you do need to clean up these toys before
playing with anything else.” Once he or she is calm,
you may suggest other ways for them to express
his/her anger that is more appropriate – yelling in to
a pillow,talking, writing in a journal, painting, etc.
Positive Reinforcements vs.
Negative Reinforcements
“Systematic use of reinforcement is the
most powerful tool in strengthening
and teaching a new behavior”
--Kate Fiske, Ph.D., BCBA-D
Douglass Outreach,Rutgers University
Rutgers Developmental Disabilities Center
There are both “positive” and “negative” ways to
reinforce a behavior. Contrary to the names’
implication, neither are bad or good, just different
in approach and result.
B.F. Skinner is credited with coining the terms when
studying different methods of “operant
conditioning”.
Positive reinforcement would be rewarding a child
with something (praise, stickers, extra play time,
etc.) when they behave appropriately, in hopes
that they will link the two and repeat that desired
behavior in the future.
This must be done sparingly since it is argued that
the child no longer acts appropriately because it is
the correct thing to do, but simply to gain the
reward.
Negative reinforcement is not a punishment.
It is the promise of a removal of a negative
aspect in order to illicit a positive behavior.
Example: “If you go to sleep an hour earlier
tonight, you can practice your trumpet for
30 minutes less.”
Positive Attention vs. Negative Attention
“Don’t find fault, find a remedy”
-Henry Ford
The hard fact is that children crave attention.
They especially want it from parents and teachers
and it does not matter if that attention is a hug or
a frustrated scream – attention is attention.
Children are also fast learners so they quickly
ascertain what attention grabbing methods
work best for them.
If a child consistently gets attention for throwing
a tantrum or acting out aggressively (even if that
attention is a scream or a punishment), then he/she
has received the satisfaction they need and will
repeat the behavior.
That does not mean that there should not be
consequences but rather that the consequence
should be delivered after the child has calmed
down. Rationalizing and yelling with a child through
a tantrum has no positive result.
Ignore the behavior, not the child
When a child throws a tantrum or “lashes out”, it
is important to stay calm. Be cautious not to
invalidate the child’s emotions but remember that
now is not the immediate time to try to discuss
the problem through. Tears, sobs, and anger make
effective communication difficult.
Allow the child to take time to vent out his/her
anger and/or sadness in a way that will be the
least disruptive and harmful to them (i.e., punching
a pillow, taking a quiet moment with a book,
squeezing a stress ball, etc.).
When a child consistently behaves inappropriately,
it is easy to glaze over any positive behaviors that
he/she may exhibit, however, it is important to
praise those small victories as much
as possible.
When a child receives the attention he/she
desires through positive behaviors, they are more
apt to repeat those behaviors.
Promoting Positive Self-Esteem
and Independence
“Your child's self-esteem will be determined by the conditional
acceptance that he receives from others - and the unconditional
acceptance that he receives from you .
Your child's self-esteem will be determined by success and progress
in four areas: Emphasize, recognize and reinforce all four areas!
o Social (acceptance, friendships)
o Competence (in a skill area)
o Physical (clothing, attractiveness)
o Character (effort, generosity, etc.) “
Richard D. Lavoie, M.A., M.Ed
A sense of independence and pride will lead a child
to take responsibility for themselves rather than
looking to the adult to solve all issues before them.
This in turn will reduce tattling and increase proper
ways of defending oneself with words and not
violence
These are skills that they will use throughout their
lives and this sort of ownership, pride, and problem
solving skills should start now.
20 TIPS TO PROMOTE
POSITIVE SELF ESTEEM
By Richard D. Lavoie, M.A., M.Ed
1. Value each child as an individual with unique strengths, needs,
interests and skills.
2. Focus on the child's strengths. Emphasize and celebrate his "islands
of competence."
3. Reject the child's behavior, but never reject the child.
4. Remember that sincere interest can be more effective and meaningful
than praise. Demonstrate a genuine interest in her activities,hobbies.
5. Establish realistic, achievable goals for your child. Anticipate success.
6. Avoid using sarcasm with kids - children with language problems often
misinterpret it.
7. When discussing an issue or a problem, avoid bringing up past
difficulties.
8. Never compare one child to another.
9. Help the child develop decision-making and problem-solving skills.
10. Understand that mistakes are an inevitable (and valuable!) part of
any learning experience. Use these as an opportunity to teach and
assist.
11. Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable ones. This will ensure
success, mastery, and retention.
12. Maintain a file of his academic work. Use this to demonstrate his
progress and development when he is feeling down.
13. Encourage him to maintain "collections" (e.g., baseball cards,
stamps, rocks, etc.). This allows him to be the resident expert on a
topic.
14. If she does not participate in team sports, promote individual
sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This will provide opportunities
for success, exercise, and peer interaction.
15. Communicate your confidence in the child and in her future.
16. Permit and encourage the child to follow the normal fads of his
peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This will enhance his acceptance at
school and in the community.
17. Emphasize the positive aspects of her behavior or performance,
even if the task was not completely successful. Reward direction, not
perfection.
18. Anticipate that the child will have plateaus, failures, backslides,
setbacks, and regressions. Support and encourage him at these times.
Kids need love most when they deserve it least!
19. Look for opportunities to offer him choices to allow him to practice
decision-making skills.
20. Never, ever, communicate disappointment to your child. The
disappointment of an adult may be too great a burden for a child to
carry.
Conflict Resolution –
Appropriate Communication
"I discovered not only that dealing with
conflict could be a satisfying and enjoyable
part of teaching, but also that children,
when given support, were enormously
capable problem solvers”
-Cate Woolner, Mediator and Conflict
Resolution Trainer and Founder of Franklin
Mediation Service
Many times, a child fights with a peer because they
are not equipped with the proper language to defend
and express themselves, leading them to resort to
violence instead.
It is our job as teachers and parents to guide them
and equip them with that language.
Like mentioned earlier, a sense of independence and
pride will lead a child to take responsibility for
themselves rather than looking to the adult to solve
all issues before them.
When a child indicates that he or she was pushed
by another it is best to help that child brainstorm
what he/she can say to the other child.
If they can not come up with an answer on their own
at first, the adult may provide the child with some
options, such as, “Please don’t touch me, I don’t like
that”. Another option might be, “When you push me,
it makes me feel sad.”
Over time, the child will remember what to say on
their own and will not look to the adult for help on
how to resolve this confrontation.
Final Thought…
“You can’t shake hands
with a clenched fist.”
-Indira Ghandi