Transcript Concisiveness - Writing Matters

A matter of sentence style
What is conciseness?
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Opposite of wordiness
Economy of expression
Making sentences that are descriptive &
vivid, but efficiently worded
Making every word in the sentence count
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Critical care nursing is highly
pressured because the patients
have life-threatening illnesses.
Critical-care nurses must
possess steady nerves and
interpersonal and medical skills.
Most health-care professionals
consider these nurses essential
if patients are to improve to
intermediate care.
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The highly pressured nature of
critical-care nursing is due to the
fact that the patients have life
threatening illnesses. Criticalcare nurses must have
possession of steady nerves to
care for patients who are
critically ill and very sick. The
nurses must also have
possession of interpersonal
skills. They must also have
medical skills. It is considered by
most health-care professionals
that these nurses are essential if
there is to be improvement of
patients who are now in critical
care from that status to the
status of intermediate care.
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Redundancy
Weak verbs
Wordy verb phrases
Empty phrases, clauses, or structures, such
as there is, there are, etc.
Unnecessary phrases or clauses to show
possession
Unnecessary use of who, which, & that
Redundant:
“The end result of that unexpected surprise was
that each individual received a free gift.”
(15 words)
Concise:
“In the end, each person received a surprise
gift.” (9 words)
Wordy:
“It is dangerous to feed my cats at night.”
Concise:
“Feeding my cats at night is dangerous.”
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Make the subject and verb of each sentence identify its actor
and action. (see p. 181)
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Cut or shorten empty words or phrases. (see p. 182-3)
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Cut unnecessary repetition. (see p. 183)
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Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single words. (see
pp. 183-4)
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Avoid construction beginning with there is or it is. (see p. 184)
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Combine sentences.
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Cut or rewrite jargon. (see pp. 184-5)
23.2
Copyright © 1995–2007 by Pearson Education, publishing as Longman Publishers
Fowler/Aaron, The Little, Brown Handbook, Tenth Edition
Grammar checkers
A checker can’t identify all potentially wordy
structures, nor can it tell you whether a structure
is appropriate for your ideas.
Wordiness is not a problem of incorrect grammar.
A sentence may be perfectly grammatically
correct but still contain unneeded words that
interfere with your ideas.
(87 words)
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The highly pressured nature of criticalcare nursing is due to the fact that the
patients have life threatening illnesses.
Critical-care nurses must have possession
of steady nerves to care for patients who
are critically ill and very sick. The nurses
must also have possession of
interpersonal skills. They must also have
medical skills. It is considered by most
health-care professionals that these
nurses are essential if there is to be
improvement of patients who are now in
critical care from that status to the status
of intermediate care.
•Focus on subject and verb
•Avoid nouns from verbs
•Cut unneeded repetition
•Combine sentences
•Change passive voice to active
•Revise there is constructions
•Reduce clauses and phrases
(37 words)
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Critical care nursing is highly pressured
because the patients have life-threatening
illnesses. Critical-care nurses must possess
steady nerves and interpersonal and medical
skills. Most health-care professionals
consider these nurses essential if patients are
to improve to intermediate care.
Focusing on the subject and verb
Using the subjects and verbs of
your sentences for the key actors
and actions will reduce words and
emphasize important ideas.
Wordy
The reason why most of the country shifts to daylight time is that
winter days are much shorter than summer days.
Concise
Most of the country shifts to daylight time because winter
days are much shorter than summer days.
Cutting or shortening empty words and phrases
Empty words and phrases gain little or no meaning.
When you cut or shorten them, your writing will move
faster and be more effective.
all things considered
as far as I’m concerned
for all intents and purposes
for the most part
in a manner of speaking
in my opinion
last but not least
more or less
Wordy
In my opinion, that truck looks like a hunk of junk.
Concise
The truck looks like junk.
Cutting unnecessary repetition
Planned repetition and restatement can make writing
more coherent, or emphatic. Unnecessary words
weaken sentences.
Wordy
Many unskilled workers without training in a particular job are unemployed and do
not have any work.
Concise
Many unskilled workers are unemployed.
Reducing clauses to phrases, phrases to single words
Modifiers—subordinate clauses, phrases, and single words—can be
expanded or contracted depending on the emphasis you want to achieve.
When editing your sentences, consider whether any modifiers can be
reduced without loss of emphasis or clarity.
Wordy
The Channel Tunnel, which runs between Britain and France, bores through a
bed of solid chalk that is twenty-three miles across.
Concise
The Channel Tunnel between Britain and France bores through
twenty-three miles of solid chalk.
Revising there is, here is, and it is construction
You can postpone the sentence subject with the words there, here, and it: There
are two doors. Here is the main problem. It was not fair only seniors could vote.
These constructions can be useful to emphasize the subject or to indicate a
change in direction. But often they just add words and create limp substitutes for
more vigorous sentences.
Wordy
There were delays and cost overruns that plagued construction of the Channel
Tunnel. It had been the expectation of investors that they would see earnings soon
after there were trains passing through the tunnel, but profits took years to
materialize.
Concise
Delays and cost overruns plagued construction of the Channel Tunnel. Investors
had expected to see earnings soon after trains began passing through the tunnel,
but profits took years to materialize.
Often the information in two or more sentences can be combined into one tight
sentence.
Wordy
Concise
An unexpected problem with the Channel Tunnel is stowaways. The
stowaways are mostly illegal immigrants. They are trying to smuggle
themselves into England. They cling to train roofs and undercarriages.
An unexpected problem with the Channel Tunnel is stowaways. The
stowaways, mostly illegal immigrants who are trying to smuggle
themselves into England by clinging to train roofs and undercarriages.
Jargon can refer to the special vocabulary of any discipline or profession. But it has
also come to describe vague, inflated language that is overcomplicated, even
incomprehensible. When it comes from the government of business, we call it
bureaucratese.
Jargon
The weekly social gatherings stimulate
networking by members of management from
various divisions, with the aim of developing
contacts and maximizing the flow of creative
information.
Translation
The weekly parties give managers from
different divisions a chance to meet and
share new ideas.
 Why write concise sentences?