Transcript Wordy vs. Concise

WORDY & CONCISE
• Another line of definition can be drawn by
way of comparing the two men in the way
they both perceive certain situations.
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• The two men also perceive the
same situations differently.
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WORDY AND CONCISE
• This paragraph provides a vehicle for the
writer to create a distinct separation
between the two sections.
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• This paragraph separates the two
sections.
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WORDY AND CONCISE
• In the two reports, each author employs the
use of metaphor as a tool to explain
concepts and to draw the reader in.
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• Both reports use metaphor to help
explain the concepts and interest
the reader.
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WORDY AND CONCISE
• Watch out for “nominalization,” which is
the inadvertent creation of noun forms of
what could be strong verbs. (See I just did
it).
• . . . which happens when you accidentally
use a weak noun form of a verb.
WORDY & CONCISE
• Nominalization Examples:
• The function of the central office is the
supervision of the directors.
• The central office supervises the directors.
• There will be an investigation of this
incident by the police.
• The police will investigate this incident.
WORDY AND CONCISE
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Watch out for overuse of the passive voice.
It is said that power corrupts.
Power corrupts.
There were 200 attendees at the convention.
Two hundred people attended the
convention.
WORDY & CONCISE
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Meaning was in everything by the children.
The children found meaning in everything.
It is our hope that . . .
We hope that . . .
It is our belief that . . .
We believe that . . .
It was explained to the residents.
I explained . . .
WORDY & CONCISE
• Sometimes you must use the passive voice.
• When you can’t identify a specific doer of
the action.
• The water was contaminated in the northern
half of the city, but no one knew why.
• When you want to put the important idea in
the subject of the sentence.
• School is out for summer. School is out for
forever (Alice Cooper).
• The principal closed the school for summer
(not quite the same).
WORDY & CONCISE
• Sometimes you can delete unnecessary
infinitive phrases.
• The duty of the director is to supervise the
staff.
• The director supervises the staff.
• But sometimes you can’t:
• To be or not to be, that is the question.
• Should I be or not be, that is the question
(somehow not an improvement on the
original).
WORDY & CONCISE
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Watch out for bureaucratese:
accompany
go with
inception
start
has the capability
can
WORDY & CONCISE
Bureaucratic
accompany
accomplish
advise
afford an opportunity
anticipate
approximately
ascertain
assist
attached herewith is
at the present time
benefit
close proximity
commence
concur
cooperate
demonstrate
Better
go with
do
tell
let
expect
about
find out
help
here's
now
help
near
begin
agree
help
show, prove