Transcript Conciseness and Concreteness

Session 3
Conciseness
Concreteness
Conciseness
Conciseness is…
Terseness and economy in writing
and speaking achieved by expressing
a great deal in just a few words
Using clear, precise expressions in
few words
Conciseness
Conciseness is the art of cutting
overweight sentences down to size with
flair.
Quantity doesn't always equal quality in
writing.
But don't sacrifice clarity and readability for
conciseness. Make sure the sentences flow
smoothly as you cut unnecessary words
and phrases.
Benefits of being concise
A concise message saves time and
expense for both sender and receiver.
– Avoiding wordiness means using the fewest
number of words possible to express your
ideas.
The reader can see your main ideas
easily.
Your main points stand out.
Conciseness Problems
Redundancy
– Repeating words, phrases, ideas and character
traits
• If we are going to see the movie on opening night, we
will have to get there early. We have to get to the movie
early because it’s opening night.
Faulty repetition (Tautology)
– saying the same thing twice
• Past history
• Safe haven
Conciseness Problems
Repetitive Acronym Syndrome
– Automated Teller Machine Machine (ATM
Machine)
– Personal Identification Number Number (PIN
Number)
Circumlocution
– use of many words to express an idea
that might be expressed by few
– indirect or roundabout language
Be brief and to the point
In all necessary essentials, the
report is complete and finished.
The report is finished.
•Eliminate redundancy/verbosity.
•Reduce faulty repetition.
Make every word count
Concise writing is clearer and more
emphatic than wordy writing.
– “In view of the fact that your reader is busy, I
would suggest that you make every effort to be
as brief as humanly possible.” (25 words)
– “Because your reader is busy, try to be brief.”
(9 words)
Write in the “positive”
As a rule, it takes fewer words to say
what something is than to say what it is
not.
– Advisers who do not take time to study financial
statements do not have more credibility than
those who do. (19 words)
– Advisers who take time to study financial
statements are more credible than those who
don’t.” (15 words)
Eliminate deadwood
Many phrases commonly used in business writing
contain redundancies and deadwood.
– mutual cooperation =
– 8:00 a.m. in the morning =
– At this point in time =
– Free gift =
– complete monopoly =
– completely unanimous =
Take the most direct route
Prefer action verbs to nominalizations
and adjectivizations.
– A nominalization is a verb that has been
turned into a noun.
• My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the
length of the cloak.
– An adjectivization is a verb that has been
turned into an adjective.
• The judge was dismissive of counsel's arguments.
Take the most direct route
Avoid needless attribution.
– As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the
harder you fall.
– It has been determined that wordiness
obscures clarity.
Replace wordy expressions with
single words
I demand a full and complete
explanation.
Eliminate unnecessary
determiners and modifiers
Wordy
– Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.
– Balancing the budget by Friday is an
impossibility without some kind of extra help.
More Concise
Words and phrases that can often be
pruned away to make sentences clearer
kind of
sort of
type of
really
basically
for all intents and
purposes
definitely
actually
generally
individual
specific
particular
Change phrases into single words
Wordy
– The employee with ambition...
– The department showing the best
performance...
More Concise
Reword unnecessary infinitive
phrases
Wordy
– The duties of a clerk are to check
all incoming mail and to record it.
– A shortage of tellers at our branch
office on Friday and Saturday
during rush hours has caused
customers to become dissatisfied
with service.
Reword unnecessary infinitive
phrases
More Concise
Omit words that explain the
obvious or provide excessive detail
Wordy
– I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,
we do have...
– It goes without saying that we are
acquainted with your policy on filing
tax returns, and we have every
intention of complying with the
regulations that you have mentioned.
Omit words that explain the
obvious or provide excessive detail
Concise
Make the complex simple
A chronic disposition to inquiry
deprived the feline carnivorous
quadruped of its vital quality.
Persons deficient in the faculty of
determining values move with
impetuosity into a realm which
purely spiritual beings view with
trepidation.
Tips for Conciseness
Write what you mean -nothing more, nothing less.
Distrust your first draft.
Trust yourself and respect
yourself as a writer enough
to state, but not overstate,
what you mean.
Conciseness Exercises
At this point in time, we can't
ascertain the reason as to why the
screen door was left open.
What is your basic understanding of
predestination?
Conciseness Exercises
At what point in time will a downturn in the stock market
have a really serious effect on the social life of people as
a whole?
Basically, in light of the fact that Congressman Santos
was totally exhausted by his last campaign, there was
an expectation on the part of the voters that he would
not reduplicate his effort to achieve office in government
again.
Repetition vs. Redundancy
Repetition, if used well, can be a good
tool to use in your writing. It can add
emphasis to what you are trying to say
and strengthen a point.
Source: “Repetition and Redundancy,” Nick Jobe and
Sophia Stevens, April 2009, University of Houston-Victoria
Types of Repetition
Isocolon – a structural repetition
technique that can give academic and
business writing – as much as literature
and speech – momentum, rhythm, and
emphasis
– “…that we shall pay any price, bear any
burden, meet any hardship, support any
friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival
and the success of liberty.” –John F.
Kennedy, Inaugural Address, January 20,
1961
Isocolon
Pay
any
price
Bear
any
burden
Meet
any
hardship
Support
any
friend
Oppose
any
foe
Types of Repetition
Anaphora – the repetition of a word or phrase at the
beginning of successive phrases, clauses, or
sentences. Most often writers use this form of
repetition for its dramatic effect in speech or writing
– “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was
the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was
the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was
the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was
the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had
everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were
all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the
other way…” –Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
Types of Repetition
Epistrophe is the repetition of a word or
words at the end of a phrase or clause. Its
placement in a sentence is the opposite of
anaphora’s placement of words or phrases.
Quite similarly, though, its rhetorical function
is to provide dramatic or poetic emphasis on
an idea or a passage.
– “…and that government of the people, by the
people, for the people shall not perish from the
earth.” –Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address
Concreteness
Concrete vs. Abstract Words
Abstract terms refer to ideas or concepts; they
have no physical referents.
– love, success, freedom, good, moral,
democracy, and any -ism (e.g., chauvinism,
communism, feminism, racism, sexism).
Concrete terms refer to objects or events that are
available to the senses.
– spoon, table, green, hot, walking
General vs. Specific Terms
General terms refer to groups
– The more you rely on general terms, the more
your writing is likely to be vague and dull.
• Furniture/Jewelry
Specific terms refer to individuals
– As your language becomes more specific,
though, your meanings become clearer and
your writing becomes more interesting.
• Chair/Ring
How to write more concretely
Use concrete words and concrete
subjects
– Express something tangible.
– Use words where you can use your senses.
The man tested the water and found it
unacceptable.
The DOH inspector measured the water taken
from the Pasig River. The bacteria content was
above acceptable standards for drinking water.
Use specific terms
A period of unfavorable weather set in.
I need the print-out ASAP.
Several employees will be retiring pretty soon.
Use strong verbs to make your writing lively and to
keep your audience awake and alive to your
message
•
Be of assistance
•
It is my intention to
•
Make a decision
•
Take a look
•
Put on a
demonstration
•
The contract has a
requirement for
•
Held a meeting and
had a discussion
•
•
We will give thought to
your proposal
He made the
payment for his
first installment
Avoid expletive constructions
Expletives are forms of predication (the
expression of action, state, or quality by a
grammatical predicate) that disguise the
subject and weaken the verb
– It is, This is, It was, There is, There are
It was found in these studies that the
funding for the project was insufficient.
Write in plain language
Use plain language that expresses clear
meaning.
Avoid showy words and ambiguous
expressions in an effort to dazzle or
confuse readers.
Write to express ideas, not to impress
others.
Huh?
Personnel assigned vehicular
space in the adjacent areas are
hereby advised that utilization will
be suspended temporarily Friday
morning.
Be conversational but professional
Most e-mail messages, business
letters, memos, and reports replace
conversation.
They are most effective when they
convey an informal, conversational
tone instead of a formal, pretentious
tone.
– Strive for a warm, conversation tone that
does not include slang or low-level diction.
Unprofessional
Conversational
Formal
(Low-level diction)
(Mid-level diction)
(High-level diction)
Badmouth
Criticize
Denigrate
Guts
Pecking order
Nerve
Courage
Line of command Dominance
hierarchy
Rat on
Rip off
Snag
Inform
Steal
Win
Betray
Expropriate
Secure
Talk to the reader with words that you find
comfortable.
Stay away from third-person constructions.
– All employees are herewith instructed to return the
appropriately designated contracts to the
undersigned.
– To facilitate ratification of this agreement, your
negotiations urge that the membership respond in
the affirmative.
Use vivid words and specific facts
Dull
– house
– good sales
figure
– the newspaper
– Computer
– soon
Vivid
– cottage,
mansion
– P24 million in
sales
– Philippine
Daily Inquirer
– Apple
– by Tuesday,
February 2
Concreteness Exercise
Rewrite the following sentences to make
them more concrete and specific.
The movie earned a lot.
There are indications that our economy
will improve after the political exercise.
There was a breakthrough made by the
R&D department.
I saw your picture in the newspaper.
He’s our best employee.
Oral Lecture
Voice Projection
Voice Projection
Your volume should be loud enough
for everyone to hear, but not so loud
as to overpower your audience.
Variations in intensity can create
different effects. For example, a soft
voice can sometimes command more
attention than a loud one.
Pronunciation
Frequently mispronounced words
Accent on the first
syllable
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Circumstance
Deficit
Tourism
Conduit
Inventory
Equitable
Forfeited
Delicacy
Accent on the second
syllable
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Initiate
Negotiate
Evaluate
Interpret
Contribute
Associate
Condolence
Enunciation
Clear-cut shaping of
speech sounds into clear
and distinct speech
syllables
Clear enunciation
depends on:
– Clearness in sounding
consonants
– Proper separation of
syllables
– Proper separation of
words
Enunciation
Rate
– Normal speed: 120 to130 words per minute
– When speaking, vary your rate:
• slow for weighty and complex matters
• faster in pure narration
• legato (smooth and connected) for dignified and
beautiful passages
• Staccato (short and disconnected) for exciting
passages
– Use pauses and stresses to convey meaning.
• The most important sound to a customer is his or her
name.
Faulty Enunciation
Laziness in the use of the mouth, jaw, lips,
and tongue
Speaking through the teeth
Inability to project pure utterance of vowel
sounds or the crisp definiteness of
consonants
Word phrasing
Shortcomings in Enunciation
Slurring
Lisping
Stammering
Over-enunciation
Exercise on Emphasis and
Inflection
“I did not say he stole the money.”
I did not say he stole the money.
– (If you didn’t, who did?)
I did not say he stole the money.
– (What did you say then?)
I did not say he stole the money.
– (Who did steal it then?)
I did not say he stole the money.
– (How did he get it then?)
I did not say he stole the money.
– (What did he steal then?)
Exercise on Enunciation
He hires poor men.
He hires foremen.
I was tilling a piece of land.
I was stealing a piece of land.
They moved unhappily.
The moved on happily.
Exercise on Enunciation
I’m going to call/because I want to
speak with him.
If I’m going to make a speech, I want to
prepare it today.
If you want to try to look attractive,
aren’t you going to try to sound
attractive, too?
He’s going to ask for a raise, and I
don’t want to give it.
Exercise on Enunciation
Once, a general was addressing a number of
young recruits – husky, rugged, young farm
boys from the back country who had enlisted
for just a few months. “Now, boys,” said the
general, “I don’t want to hold any of you who
are unable to stay. If anyone wishes to leave,
he may indicate this by stepping six paces in
front of the line.
“But understand,” he added, raising the gun,
“I’ll shoot the first one who steps out.”