Transcript here - MMI UK

Personal Statement Talk
By MMI UK (Malaysian Medics International United Kingdom)
Speakers: Ang Wan Wei & Joanna Wong
Outline of Today’s Talk
SECTION 1: Tips to write a good personal
statement with examples
SECTION 2: A complete example
SECTION 3: Proofreading a (bad) personal
statement – 2 examples
SECTION 4: Q&A
SECTION 1
Tips to write a good personal statement with examples
Tip 1: First impression is extremely
critical

Firstly, get rid of blatant mistakes like bad grammar,
spelling errors etc.

Secondly, dress it up.

Make more interesting sentences

“It was a very good opportunity to learn from medical
students”, VS

“It was a fantastic experience being able to be in the shoes
of medical students”
Example 1

Despite being constantly placed under huge pressure, the
doctors and their teams were able to deal with their patients
with gentleness and great care regardless of ethnicity, wealth
or social status.
This coincides with my profound interest of
enriching the lives of individuals as a calling.
Tip 2: Thesaurus is your best friend

Highlight words in your personal statement and thesaurus
them, checking if there was a fancier way of saying a
word

“It was a fast-paced year” VS

“It was a momentous year”
Example 2

It is remarkable how the human body is designed with such
complexity. In just a single unit, dozens of diverse systems
coordinate
.
Humans are still susceptible to various
diseases and illnesses. Personally, the
. In A levels, doing projects on
cardiovascular treatments all the more
. Coupled with my lifelong desire to know more
about science, these reasons have driven me to pursue
medicine.
Tip 3: Proofread

Get someone to proofread your work!

Preferably someone senior, who has better command of
the language, who has done this before.

This person will be able to point out mistakes you cannot
see for yourself.

But more importantly, don’t get too many people to read
it either, as too many cooks spoil the broth.
Tip 4: List but don’t list

List:


Make a list of traits of yourself that you want to tell the admissions team
But don’t list:

Now, don’t list them eg. “I’m smart, hardworking, responsible, creative,
reliable”.

Tell them about the experiences you had which inevitably demonstrates
that you possess these traits!

Eg. “I volunteered in a programme where I taught refugees simple
mathematics and English”

This sentence itself already tells you that – you’re helpful, kind, caring.
A little sneaky trick...

An interesting way to say what you learnt from an experience, instead of just
saying:

Eg. “I learnt how to be responsible over the way I deliver my lessons to the
children” or “I learnt to be concise in the way I presented my thoughts”

Instead, say how difficult you found it to be.

Eg. “I realized through the experience how challenging it was to teach children”
or “I learnt that being responsible over the education of 40 children was no easy
feat”.

This shows that – you reflect, you realize your shortcomings and areas for
improvement, and that you will learn from it.
Example 4

During my free time, I volunteer in a Medical Outreach
program that provides healthcare to the urban poor.
Through this program,
and
symptoms to assist the doctors with their diagnosis. This
experience
to the number of people who are in need of
medical care, but can barely afford it.
Example 4

Being the
in high school
These have also
, which are essential in my future
development in medicine. In college, I was a part of the
committee of the Model United Nations, where
at both inter-college and international conferences.
Tip 5: Cut to the chase

Try putting yourself in the shoes of the admissions team.
Contrary to what we hope, our personal statement no
matter how unique you try to be, WILL not be unique.
They have read thousands of personal statements before,
they have probably read something like yours a hundreds
of times. So don’t beat around the bush, it’s not a
creative writing competition. Be succinct in your writing.
Tip 6: Have a structure in your PS
Usually start with an intro – why you like medicine, what
made you interested?
 What have you done in terms of reinforcing your interest
in medicine (hospital attachments, old folks home etc)
 ECAs which enhances your qualities
 Academic achievements
 You could also include books/journals you have read or
emphasise on a specific interest you have

Example 6

To further explore medicine, I began to read the BBC news
health section regularly. New found favourite books
include “The Selfish Gene” by Richard Dawkins and “The
Tell-Tale Brain” by V.S. Ramachandran. In the former, I
am fascinated by the author’s take on the role of genetics
in influencing human and animal behaviours and the
evolution of the species. With the latter, I am intrigued
by how scientists are able to better understand the human
brain by studying unusual neurological symptoms.
Tip 7: SELL yourself as much as possible

Include any ECA/hobbies you have done which
displays your qualities, emphasize on every
academic achievements as well.
Example 7

In addition, I have a knack in mastering languages.
.I
believe knowing an array of languages can also help me to
socialize and deepen my knowledge beyond textbooks and
beyond references in English only.
to improve my interactions with my
future patients from various backgrounds, especially in
the context of multicultural Malaysia.
Example 7

It has heartened me, as a student under the prestigious
National Scholarship, to be more aware of the minorities’
misfortunes within and beyond Malaysia. Also, I find my
, including my
involvement in blood donation drives for the blood bank.
Furthermore,
.
, are my
preferred means for pleasure.
Tip 8: Talk about a specific topic in
medicine to be unique

Tell them why you are interested – for eg. In my personal
statement I said I was interested in genetics – this also
proved to be quite a good strategy as a university asked
me about genetics and because I was genuinely interested
in it, I could talk a fair bit about the topic. Another thing
that I think would be fairly different (but still not unique)
is medical ethics (the brits love ethics), or medical law.
But once again, only write about them if you’re familiar
with the topic (or you can groom yourself to be..)
Example 8

I spend extensive amounts of time reading the latest
medical and science journals and articles from various
websites.
My hope in the future is that
SECTION 2
A complete example
Introduction – why medicine?

It is remarkable how the human body is designed with
such complexity. In just a single unit, dozens of diverse
systems coordinate systematically and harmoniously to
produce an unsurpassable organism. Ineptly, it is not
indefectible. Humans are still susceptible to various
diseases and illnesses. Personally, the how's and why's
intrigued me, while the multifarious treatments and
medications fascinated me. In A levels, doing projects on
cardiovascular treatments all the more kindled my
interest. Coupled with my lifelong desire to know more
about science, these reasons have driven me to pursue
medicine.
What have you done to find out more
about medicine?

For an early exposure, I signed up for a hospital familiarization
visit. It was fruitful as I was able to visit units such as A&E,
Radiology and Pediatrics. As I visited the ICU, although the
sights of patients were pitiful, witnessing the caring and
compassionate manner of the doctors was truly inspiring. I also
visited a patient with atrial fibrillation, which gave me a
genuine awareness of the dire consequences of a disease to a
person. It opened my eyes to what being a doctor truly entails.
Bleak conditions of dismayed patients will be a common sight.
That gave me realization that I must acknowledge countless
emotional and physical challenges as a future doctor. One must
be prepared to accept situations of patients passing and yet,
one must never get used to it.
Continue…

Besides, volunteering at an orphanage for two weeks
improved my ability to care for and empathize with the
unfortunate. As I played games with a child, though she
was reluctant at first, she began opening herself up
gradually. Her first smile was especially exhilarating. It
felt so rewarding that it plastered a huge smile on my
face. We were communicating with feelings, as touch
alone made her understand my empathy towards her. It
was a peculiar experience as I realized that although
caring for another requires effort and patience, it comes
naturally and best of all, it is fulfilling.
ECA

My participation in St. John Ambulance also instigated my
will to be a medicine practitioner. Going on duties, I have
as I
. During Sports Day, I
have managed to hone my leadership skills as I successfully
lead the first aid team. Although the duties were tiresome,
they were worthwhile and inspiring. Besides, throughout my
training, I have
. My ability to work in a group
also improved as teamwork is essential in first aids. This is
really important in the A&E unit based on my hospital
observation where trust among doctors is crucial.
ECA

As the Production Manager in Young Enterprise, I had to
perform paramount tasks such as overseeing the progress
of projects. Outlining project timeline required
meticulous planning which is a useful skill to have as a
doctor. Time management was imperative as I was busy
with studies and curricular activities. My deep interest in
Chemistry is also shown by the achievement of High
Distinction in the National Chemistry Quiz. In A Levels,
whilst being the assistant class representative and mentor
to my classmates are sometimes demanding, I have
developed my confidence as a supportive listener.
Conclusion

As a scholar, I believe I have the necessary attitude and
skills and am excited about the future prospect as a
doctor. However, for that to come true, I will have to
receive top-notch education to acquire the required
expertise. That is of vital importance before I will be able
to help all the unfortunate people. I believe my resolve to
help people would push me through the tough process of
becoming a good doctor. Life will not be easy but I am
prepared to face the challenges of which I am certain I
can overcome. This is proven as I am one of the Top 50
National Scholars of the country, of which would not be
achievable without persevering hard work and dedication.
SECTION 3
Proofreading a (bad) personal statement
Proofread this.
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9
0
My hunger for knowledge in the field of science since I was a little boy had
leaded me to choose the science stream for my education in secondary school
and college. As I grew up, I obtained more exposure to social issues around the
world like poverty which leads to poor health and hygiene. These spurred in me
the desire to make an impact on other people’s lives when they need help but
cannot obtain it. To be more inspired and motivated, I read medical articles
regarding lives of doctors around the world. One of them was Dr William Li Huang
Min a neurosurgeon who is very talented and capable of healing his patients. All
these things coupled with my strong belief that we should have a purpose in life
to aid others reaffirmed my decision to become a doctor.
Proofread this.
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Recently, I had a hospital attachment at a government hospital where I was attached to
a cardiologist. It was a very good experience as I was very welcomed to the team and
they made me feel part of a team which is essential in medicine, as decisions made
regarding patient-care is always made in a team. I watched various procedures like an
echocardiogram, stress ECG test, and even an angioplasty which is considered invasive.
All this sparked my fascination towards investigations in medicine and how technology
has evolved so much over the years such that it now allows us to capture images within
the human body. Some junior doctors also took some time off to teach me basic things
about medicine like the healthcare system and some challenges they face as doctors. I
appreciate the session very much and learned that being a doctor is not all glamourous
as some envision it to be. I also learned that throughout our training as a doctor, we will
receive teaching and tutoring from those more experienced than us. It made me
appreciate the beauty of the profession.
Proofread this.
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As an active member of the “So you think you can be a doctor?” society, I visited
medical schools and attended workshops to understand better the life as a
medical student. I even examined abnormalities using mannequins. Speaking to
medical students about how it’s like to be a medical student was enlightening as
I understood and gained an understanding about different curriculums in medical
school, and how PBL is conducted. I have also surfed the internet for blogs by
physicians and subscribed to pages like medicine.net. All these are ways I keep
my interest and increase my passion in becoming a doctor.
Proofread this.
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Some of the volunteering work I have done includes being a Rover H Scout which
helps youth scouts in their activities, Kechara Soup Kitchen, donating blood, and
donating essentials to flood victims in the flooded areas in Malaysia. These
experiences taught me to be caring, kind and helpful to those who need help. It
made me realize that I was also incredibly privileged and that I should share
some of my fortune to the less fortunate.
Proofread this.
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I am interested in things outside science and medicine as well and am therefore
involved in several ECAs. Being the Editor in chief of my editorial board in
secondary school taught me both to macro-manage and micro-manage. As the
Editor in chief, you need to see things as a whole and see the big picture when
making decisions. You also need to learn to micro-manage as you would have to
consider the smaller details and the feasibility of your decision based on these
finer things. Being the secretary of the Scouts troop also taught me database
management which is important in any organization. This I feel it’s relevant to
medicine as being a junior doctor requires administrative skills as well, whether
we like it or not.
Proofread this.
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Individually, I play the piano as hobby and obtained Grade8 in ABRSM. This shows
that I can work on my own as well as in a team. I joined a marathon and this
demonstrates that I am fit and understand the importance of exercise, and that I
am a determined person.
5 Medicine truly is my calling as I cannot imagine myself being anything else but a
6 doctor in the future. All my actions have reaffirmed my decision. With this
7 unsurmountable amount of passion, I know I will be successful as a doctor.a
SECTION 4
Q&A – ask us questions based on your PS!
(they don’t have to be too detailed)
Thank you for listening!
If you have any questions, email us at [email protected]