Transcript Relationships and Communication

Relationships
and
Communication
1
The Myth of
‘The Perfect Relationship’
• Soul mates; ‘The One’
• Nobody can meet ALL of your
needs
• Every relationship has some
problems
• Healthy expectations from the
beginning
2
Compatibility
• A Triangular Theory of Love
(Sternberg, 1986)
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment
3
Maintaining Oneself
Within a Relationship
• You will change due
to your
relationships
• Remaining true to
oneself
• Whose needs are
met through the
relationship?
• Not always 50/50
4
Maintaining Oneself
Within a Relationship,
cont’d.
• Keeping a life
outside your
relationship
• Knowing the
self in relation
to others
• Enhancing one
another’s
growth
5
Supporting Your
Relationship
• You can’t go it alone!
• Surround your relationships
with support
• Couple’s Resource Map
6
Expectations
• How realistic are
your expectations
for your partner?
• How realistic are
your partner’s
expectations for
you?
7
Fighting
• Is fighting healthy?
• “Growing pains”
• What can you learn from a
fight?
8
Fighting, cont’d.
• The Four Horsemen of the
Apocalypse (Gottman, 1999)
•
•
•
•
Criticism
Defensiveness
Contempt
Stonewalling
9
Fighting Fair
• Focus on the issue at hand
• Remain focused on the
present
• Not the time to bring up
the past
• Listening—Knowing when it
is your turn
• NO physical violence
• Seek counseling when
necessary
10
Breaking up is hard to do….
• Give yourself time to move on
• Nurture your other relationships
• Take time to reflect on the
lessons you can learn from the
relationship AND the break-up
11
Relationships and
Transitions
• Potential for
increased negative
interactions
• Protective defense
mechanisms
• Increased
awareness
12
Making Relationships
A Priority
• Relationships are often taken for
granted
• Make a commitment to care for your
relationships before it is too late!!
13
Communication
Skills
14
Listening
•
•
•
•
Making the effort
Non-verbal cues
Eye contact
Notice underlying
feelings
15
Direct Communication
• Speak clearly and
directly
• Say what you
mean
• Verify
understanding
• Avoid beating
around the bush
16
Self-Disclosure
•
•
•
•
Sharing personal experience
Necessary for intimacy
Trust is important!
Appropriate levels of disclosure
17
Non-verbal
Communication
• As speaker
• Gestures
• Increase interest
• As listener
• Awareness
• Inconsistencies
18
Passive, Aggressive,
and Assertive
Communication
• Passive: Not expressing
feelings or standing up for
yourself
• Aggressive: Expressing feelings
in an overbearing manner
• Assertive: Expressing feelings
without violating others’ rights
19
Advice
• Proceed with caution!
20
Focus on the Behavior
• Avoid labeling
• Personal attacks
lead to
defensiveness
• Negotiate
behaviors
21