Transcript LIVE, LOVE and CELEBRATE MARRIAGE (& Relationships) After

LIVE, LOVE and CELEBRATE
MARRIAGE
(& Relationships)
After Brain Injury
This presentation is based on TBI Model Systems research
and was developed with support from the National Institute
on Disability and Rehabilitation Research (NIDRR).
Additional material added by BIA-MA, 2014.
1
COUPLES’ RELATIONSHIPS AND BI
BI can significantly change a
couple’s relationship.
The following life changes
typically affect intimate
relationships after BI :
• Changes in responsibility
• Changes in relationship roles
• Changes and challenges in
communication
• Changes in physical intimacy
• Changes in financial status
2
How do responsibilities typically change?
• As BI survivors focus on getting better, they often
give up work and household responsibilities.
• Partners assume responsibilities formerly
managed by the survivor, such as:
Household management
Yard work and home maintenance
Managing household finances
Planning and organizing family activities
• There are new tasks for both survivors and their
partners, such as:
Managing the health care of the survivor
Planning, organizing and remembering tasks
3
What happens when
responsibilities change?
• The person with BI experiences
more stress when responsibilities
change.
• The stress of this change can
increase tension between partners.
• Partners with more responsibility
have less time for other things,
which affects how much time
partners have to spend together.
• The impact on one’s self is often
ignored.
• Each partner needs time for self
care.
4
Tips to Improve Relationship Issues
Related to Responsibility Changes
• Be understanding about each other’s new
responsibilities.
• Take time and effort to note all the
responsibilities your partner is managing.
• Notice and talk about these challenges to
reduce tension in your relationship.
• Say “thank you.”
• Make a commitment to thank your partner for
attempting to manage new responsibilities.
5
More Tips…
• Schedule opportunities to take breaks
from responsibilities.
• Delegate and use support systems.
• Celebrate self care and the care of one
another.
• Find creative ways to be appreciative.
6
Relationship Roles
• In all families, people
take on specific roles.
• After BI, the challenge
of recovery nearly
always results in some
changes to the role
within the family.
• The partner frequently
needs to make decisions
that are usually made by
the person with BI.
7
Changes in Relationship Roles
• BI results in dramatic role
changes that occur
instantly and without
preparation.
• Changes in roles may
appear temporary;
however, some changes
may be permanent.
• The partner often takes on
more leadership in the
relationship.
8
What happens when relationship
roles change?
• It may be harder for a couple than a single person to
adjust to the change.
• Couples who have recently begun a new phase of
their relationship, such as marriage, having children,
or being a new “empty nesters”, may have a more
difficult time with changes in roles.
• Uncertainty, frustration, fatigue and physical issues
can result in increased tension between partners.
• People close to the couple (particularly extended
family) may not understand the need for role changes.
9
Tips to Improve a Relationship
When Roles Have Changed
• Openly talk about these changes and how
they affect your family.
• Be conscious to not criticize the partner who is
taking on a new role. Offer help instead.
• Support one another in new roles.
• Openly communicate and educate your family
and friends about brain injury including the
changes it brings.
10
Communication
• Communication is the
foundation of a healthy
relationship.
• Communication takes
place through gestures,
facial expressions, and
emotional reactions as
well as physical
interactions.
• In studies on
relationships after BI,
people often report the
biggest challenges in the
area of communication.
11
Changes in Communication
For the partner of an
individual with BI,
common changes can
include:
• Talking
less/more/louder
• Communicating more
intensely or urgently
• Avoiding
communication
For both people in a
relationship, common
changes can include:
• Increased stress
levels, which affect
communication
• Fear that sharing
negative thoughts or
feelings will burden
their partner
12
What happens when communication
styles and patterns change?
• Both partners can feel alone
and isolated.
• One partner may not
understand what the other is
thinking or feeling.
• Difficulty communicating can
cause partners to pull away
from their relationship.
• Communication struggles
can affect all parts of a
relationship and make it
difficult to adjust to changes
together.
13
Tips for Improving Couples
Communication
• Make a commitment to improve communication with your
partner.
• LISTEN
LISTEN
LISTEN
• LISTEN for points where you can agree rather than
focusing on disagreement.
• When you disagree, slow down. TAKE A TIME OUT, if
you need one. Think about what you might say before
you say it.
Often people with BI feel they will lose a thought and
therefore blurt it out. Memory issues are very
frustrating for those with BI and their partners.
14
Tips for Improving Couples’
Communication
• When a topic is likely to cause a disagreement,
practice what you would like to say in a mirror
before you start the conversation:
Look at facial expressions, gestures, and
body language
Choose your words carefully.
• When you talk, try to stick to what you practiced.
• Consider your timing for difficult conversations.
Everyone has a best time of the day.
15
Tips for Improving Relationships
• Start with a primary care physician or
neurologist who knows BI.
• Find a therapist who knows BI.
• Try a brain injury support group that helps
couples.
• Find local information and resources by
contacting BIA-MA (1-800-242-0030)
• Spend time apart to pursue individual
interests such as sports, clubs or the arts.
16
More…
Tips for Improving Relationships
• Consider web-based support groups and
blogs related to BI.
• Commit to establishing a positive
environment and look for opportunities to
have fun as a couple.
• Schedule a monthly “Date Night” or special
day and write it on your calendar.
LIVE, LOVE & CELEBRATE
RELATIONSHIPS
17
Considerations in Nontraditional
Relationships
• The lack of
understanding of
nontraditional
relationships may
impact a couple’s ability
to obtain care and
impact the success or
failure of a relationship
• Consider counseling if
added support and
guidance are needed.
18
Concerns about Divorce or
Separation
• Rather than focusing on
the possibility of divorce
or separation, couples
should focus on
improving the quality of
their relationship with one
another.
• In some cases divorce or
separation is necessary.
• Talk to a therapist who
knows BI, your primary
care physician, or your
religious leader.
19
For additional resources on living with
brain injury, please visit:
Model Systems Knowledge Translation Center
www.msktc.org
Brain Injury Association of America
www.biausa.org
Brain Injury Association of Massachusetts
biama.org
20
LIVE
LOVE
and
CELEBRATE
YOUR
RELATIONSHIP!
21