Transcript File

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
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Students overall selected very good quotes that
were rich, meaningful and useful
Topic sentences generally stated the
purpose/argument of the paragraph well
Spelling was good
Overall, a good understanding of each of the
essays and persuasive techniques – most-used
topics were tone, allusions, and style
(punctuation, repetition, diction, etc)
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Although paragraphs start out strong – lead, point,
proof – many (most) students neglected to link
evidence and arguments explicitly back to the
thesis statement. This is an essential thing to do in
order to present a strong case and persuade the
reader. A paragraph is like a sandwich – the
beginning and end (the bread) should be
essentially the same – the “meat” is in the middle.
Solution: create an outline before you start
writing, and be very explicit: “This quote supports
the thesis because...” You don’t have to necessarily
write this in your final product, but you should
know before you start writing where your
argument is headed.
THE “COMMENT” PART OF PPC IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR ARGUMENT –
IT IS WHERE YOU ANALYZE YOUR
EVIDENCE, PROVE YOUR POINT, AND
SUPPORT/CONNECT BACK TO YOUR
THESIS. THIS CANNOT BE
ACCOMPLISHED IN ONE SENTENCE.
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Contrast from other essays was often
attempted; but sometimes, either the
comparison was not on point, or the contrast
was not fully developed.
Solution: Make sure that the counterexamples
focus on the same persuasive technique
(compare apples to apples); draw an explicit
contrast between your counterexample and
your main argument, and be sure, as always, to
connect back to thesis.
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Quotation set-up was generally repetitive and
immature; punctuation was an issue.
Solution: This is an easy one. Review the Holy
Trinity Literary Style Guide, which gives many
examples of how to incorporate quotes into
your paragraph. Don’t be lazy about it – it’s
the little things that send a big message in your
work.
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The usual grammatical errors: noun-pronoun
agreement, sentence fragments, run-on
sentences
Solution: Read out loud to catch errors (your
ear knows that something is wrong, even if you
don’t know why) – writing on the page should
make sense when spoken aloud. Have a friend,
parent or teacher edit your work. Read from
the last sentence backwards to the first: it forces
you to focus.
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I think some of you were not sure about your
arguments, and this produced a weakening
effect (especially in the third paragraph). Some
of your papers seemed to trail off at the end,
and the last paragraph was not nearly as
developed as the first.
Solution: I am not saying that you should ever
have a weak argument! However, if you know
that one of your paragraphs is not as strong as
the others, put it in the middle. Start strong
and end strong.
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With this, there was a lot of vague explanation
of quotes and persuasive techniques.
Solution: Since the entire purpose of the essay
was to argue who was MOST persuasive, you
should be doing the same with every quote and
piece of evidence. This is not the time to be
shy, retiring or wishy-washy: be very clear that
this evidence proves that _____ is the most
persuasive, and say very clearly why.
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By far, the biggest issues were wordiness,
awkward phrasing, and Thesaurusitis.
I will say this now: you should NEVER use a
word in an essay that you do not use in real
life. You may think it makes your argument
sound sophisticated and intelligent; it has the
complete opposite effect.
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Wordiness
Why take ten words to say something when three
will do?
Solution: be clear and concise ALWAYS. “This
quote is a good example of the fact that
McCullough is using allusions to persuade his
teenage audience that the veracity of his claims is
not to be doubted.” Versus: “McCullough uses
these allusions to convince and persuade his
audience.” Cut out filler words and phrasing that
is passive-voiced (Ex “The hat that belongs to
Dave” vs “Dave’s hat”)
I never want to see “due to the fact,”
“... is demonstrated in this quote,” or
“lastly” ever again. You have been
warned.
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Awkward Phrasing
We write how we speak. If something is
awkwardly phrased on the page, it will sound
awkward when I read it. Ex “This action of using
allusion allows the reader to pause at what is being
said and allows for true reflection on the words
that were spoken.”
Solution: Simple is best. Clear and concise are
better. Avoid passive verb and voice (“A simile is
used by the author in this quote to compare apples
to oranges” versus “The author compares apples
and oranges in this simile:”) Using active voice
and verbs will fix 90% of the problem.
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Thesaurusitis
A thesaurus gives you synonyms, but here’s the
problem: words may mean approximately the same
thing, but may not have the same connotation, feeling or
appropriateness. There is a difference between say,
speak, utter, articulate, declare, pronounce, state,
cry, shout, verbalize, answer, reply, illustrate,
exemplify, embody, prove, argue and exclaim (you
get the idea).
Solution: shut the Thesaurus. If you find yourself
repeating a word (such as “proves”, for example),
use sentence structure for variety.
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Readers are better writers. Read something
every day. Put a magazine in the bathroom.
Those who don’t follow instructions are
doomed to repeat them in summer school.
LISTEN.
I live in my classroom. Come and see me before
there’s a problem. I am here for you.