Transcript The College ESSAY

THE COLLEGE ESSAY
Showing Excellence
The Basics



The essay tells a story about the applicant
The essay never tells the reader directly
Instead, you show through concrete experiences
Setting it up









Capture interest within the first two sentences
Use detail and concrete experiences
Be concise
Pay attention to transition and sentence variety
Use active voice verbs
Don’t thesaurusize your essay
Conclude effectively
Give your draft to others
Revise, revise, revise
Capturing Interest


Sample 1: I volunteer as a Big Brother to a little boy. He
lost his parents in a car accident a few months ago.
From this experience, I hoped to help him cope with his
loss and open up his personality by spending time with
him after school on certain days.
Sample 2: While the other children played outside,
eleven-year old Danny’s sad eyes focused on the white
wall in front of him. He sat alone in silence – a silence
that had imprisoned him since his mother and father
died in a tragic accident.
Capturing Interest (cont.)


Which passage works better? Why?
Tips to follow:
 Begin
in the middle of the story
 Hook the reader – a slight twist is not bad
 Use lots of detail

General topics to avoid due to overuse:
 Death
 Divorce
 Mission
Trips
 Teachers / Coaches
Use Detail and Concrete Experiences




Sample 1: I developed a new compassion for the
disabled. (tell)
Sample 2: The next time that Mrs. Cooper asked me
to help her across the street, I smiled and
immediately took her arm. (experience)
Which passage works better? Why?
Again, show the reader who you are through
examples
Be Concise


Sample 1: After Mike left, his loss hit me like a ton
of bricks, out of which, when I was finally able to
crawl, I had to come to terms with the difficult fact
that best friends may come along only once in a
lifetime, and it was unlikely I would find such a close
friendship again since lightning doesn’t strike twice.
Sample 2: When Mike left, I lost the best friend I
ever had, and I lost him forever.
Be Concise (cont.)



Which passage works better? Why?
Point out any clichés within either passage.
Don’t be wordy. When you start to string together a
lot of little words (such as prepositional phrases),
the writing becomes weaker.
Transitions and Sentence Variety




Sample 1: I started playing piano when I was eight
years old. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I
began to love music.
Sample 2: I started playing the piano at the age of
eight. As I learned to play more difficult pieces, my
appreciation for music deepened.
Which passage works better? Why?
Point out any flaws in either passage.
Using Active Voice


Sample 1: The lessons that prepared me for college
were taught to me by my mom.
Sample 2: My mother taught me lessons that will
prepare me for college.
Using Active Voice (cont.)


Avoid the passive voice
Test for passive voice
 “Be”


verb + past tense action verb
Rearrange the sentence to omit the “be” verb
This will make your writing more concise and show
more action
Don’t Thesaurusize




Sample 1: As a neophyte in music, I attended
myriad lessons.
Sample 2: As a young musician, I took many lessons.
Which passage works better? Why?
Use your natural language
A few last thoughts…

Conclude effectively
 Avoid
ending with “In conclusion…”
 If you can, tie your essay up with the beginning story

Give your draft to others
 Ask
students, parents, teachers to examine your writing
 Ask for input!

Revise, revise, revise
 The
writing should be flawless
 Every sentence should be meticulously placed
 Nothing
is ever there by chance!