Transcript Grammar Issues for ESL Writers

Conciseness of Language:
Further Applications
Dr. Linda Bergmann, Professor of
English, Purdue University
Conciseness and Choice
Shorter can be clearer:
There was a lack of evidence on their part in
support of their claim.
• Their claim suffered because of their lack of
evidence in its support.
• They could not support their claim because
they lacked evidence.
Clarity and Choice
Which is clearer?
• Estimation of peak inflow rates for the sewer system
will involve utilization of an evaluation technique
developed by Richard J. Nojai in the early 1980’s.
• In order to estimate peak inflow rates for the sewer
system, we will use an evaluation technique
developed by Richard J. Nojai in the early 1980’s.
• Peak inflow rates for the sewer system will be
estimated using an evaluation technique developed
by Richard J. Nojai in the early 1980’s.
Clarity and Conciseness Work
Together
Fixed Sentence
Elements
Movable Story
Elements
• Subject
• Verb
• Object
• Character/agent/doer
• Action
• Receiver/goal
Review: Five Principles for
Effective Sentences
1.
Effective sentences tell a story: “People do things.”
2.
In the most readable sentences, the key story elements,
character and action, correspond to the key sentence
elements, subject and verb. These “S-V-O” sentences also
tend to be more concise.
3.
Look at the verbs first; unless you have a good reason not to,
express the crucial actions as verbs.
4.
Express central characters as the subjects of verbs.
5.
Put “old information” before “new information” as you move
from sentence to sentence.
Movable Story Elements
Character—Action– [------------]
Actions can be found in:
Verbs: use, prove, evaluate, reject
Nouns: use, utilization, proof, evaluation, rejection
Other parts of speech: usable, usability, evaluative,
provable
Characters can be found in nouns and other parts of
speech (parental, their, my) or may be missing
altogether.
Nominalizations Sometimes
Increase Empty Words
Verbs into nouns:
• investigate—investigation
• discover—discovery
• perform—performance
• impair—impairment
• to change—a change
……………………………………………….
• The data are proof of the thesis.
• There was committee agreement.
• The investigation revealed three serious flaws
in the construction of the bridge.
Work with Verbs
Remember the third rule of effective sentences: look at
verbs first; unless you have a good reason not to,
express actions as verbs.
• There was a lack of evidence on their part in support
of their claim.
• Estimation of peak inflow rates for the sewer system
will involve utilization of an evaluation technique
developed by Richard J. Nojai in the early 1980’s.
• Dr. Smith was forced to acknowledge his mistake by
the attorney.
Work with Verbs
Also remember the fourth rule of clarity: Express
central characters as the subjects of verbs. Practice:
• Their proposal for the rule was without substantial
reason.
• If this objective cannot be met with the current
documentation, then revision and improvement of the
manual are needed.
To find the characters, ask who is doing--or not doing-what to whom?
Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Seldom use a phrase or clause when a
single word will do:
In a time-efficient manner = quickly
Due to the fact that = because
In most cases = usually
At the same time as = while; during
Subsequent to = after
In the event that = if
Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Eliminate words and phrases that do not carry
much meaning:
• It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia
Labs have become active participants in the Search
and Rescue operations in most years.
• In most years, engineers at Sandia Labs have
actively participated in the Search and Rescue
operations.
Original word count: 23. New word count: 16.
Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Combine sentences to cut unnecessary repetition:
• Results of the field tests showed that weather
conditions accelerated road wear in a surprisingly
short amount of time. Results of the tests revealed
that weather conditions reduced surface quality of
concrete more quickly than asphalt. (36 words)
• Results of field tests showed that weather conditions
accelerated road wear rapidly and reduced surface
quality of concrete more quickly than asphalt. (22
words)
Parallelism
Use the same pattern of words to show that two
or more ideas have the same importance:
•
•
•
•
Words and phrases
Forms
Clauses
Lists
Parallelism: Words
Words connected by and must be of the same
part of speech:
Parallel:
This report will cover the following issues about planning
road repairs: efficiency, reliability, and cost.
This report will discuss road repairs in terms of efficiency,
reliability, and cost.
Failures of Parallelism
This report will discuss road repairs in
terms of efficiency, how reliable they may
be, and whether the cost is compatible with
the current budget.
These road repairs are expected to last for
three years and for reliability and cost
effectiveness over longer periods of time.
Parallelism: Phrases
With the -ing form (gerund) of words:
Parallel: The construction manager established
a protocol that includes reviewing plans every
morning, asking questions at stated intervals,
and summarizing work at the end of the day.
With infinitive phrases:
Parallel: A daily protocol was established to
review plans, (to) field questions, and (to)
summarize work.
Parallelism: Forms
Do not mix forms:
Not Parallel: The production manager was
asked to write his report quickly, accurately, and
in a detailed manner.
Parallel: The production manager was asked to
write his report quickly, accurately, and
thoroughly.
or
The production manager was asked to write a
detailed report quickly and accurately.
Parallelism: Clauses
A parallel structure that begins with clauses
must continue using clauses.
Not Parallel: The coach told the players that they
should get a lot of sleep, that they should not eat
too much, and to do some warm-up exercises
before the game.
Parallel: The coach told the players that they
should get a lot of sleep, that they should not eat
too much, and that they should do some warm-up
exercises before the game.
Parallelism: Lists
Be sure to keep all the elements in a list in the
same form.
Not Parallel: The dictionary can be used for these
purposes: to find word meanings, pronunciations,
correct spellings, and looking up irregular verbs.
Parallel: The dictionary can be used for these
purposes: to look up word meanings,
pronunciations, correct spellings, and irregular
verbs.
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice conciseness of language:
There are various alternatives for Portland Cement
Concrete (PCC) rehabilitation techniques. Some of these
techniques are commonly used in Indiana. These are:
overlay, crack-and-seat with overlay, break-and-seat with
overlay, and total reconstruction. The selection of
alternatives primarily depends on the pavement type and its
existing condition. Among these alternatives, HMA overlays
rubblized PCC is considered to be the most common type of
PCC rehabilitation. In this technique, the concrete PCC slab
is reduced in-place to approximately aggregate base
material size. (80 Words)
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice conciseness of language:
There are various alternatives for Portland Cement
Concrete (PCC) rehabilitation techniques. Some of these
techniques are commonly used in Indiana. These are:
overlay, crack-and-seat with overlay, break-and-seat with
overlay, and total reconstruction. The selection of
alternatives primarily depends on the pavement type and
its existing condition. Among these alternatives, HMA
overlays rubblized PCC is considered to be the most
common type of PCC rehabilitation. In this technique, the
concrete PCC slab is reduced in-place to approximately
aggregate base material size.
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice conciseness of language:
In Indiana, some common techniques for Portland Cement
Concrete (PCC) rehabilitation are overlay, crack-and-seat
with overlay, break-and-seat with overlay, and total
reconstruction. Which alternative is selected depends on
the type of pavement and its condition. The most common
technique of PCC rehabilitation is HMA overlays on
rubblized PCC. In this technique, the concrete PCC slab is
reduced in place to approximately the size of aggregate
base material. (68 words)
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice conciseness of language:
NDT is the most popular method in the pavement evaluation
and overlay because of its advantages of low operational
cost, short test duration and full scale model testing. Falling
Weight Deflectometers (FWD) are widely used to evaluate
the structural properties of pavements nondestructively.
Backcalculation of pavement properties from FWD data is
usually carried out by matching the measured deflections
under a known load with theoretical deflections generated
by an analytical model of the pavement by varying the
elastic moduli. Such procedures usually use error
minimization techniques to minimize either the absolute or
the squared error, with or without weighing factors.
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice conciseness of language:
For decades, numerous backcalculation computer programs
have determined layer moduli. Most of these programs are
based on iteration techniques, which repeatedly use a
forward analysis method within an iterative process. The
layer moduli are repeatedly adjusted until a suitable match
between the calculated and measured deflection basins is
obtained. A number of computer programs, such as BISDEF
(Bush, 1985), BOUSDEF (Roesset, 1995), CHEVDEF
(Bush, 1980), and COMCOMP (Irwin, 1994), have been
developed for back-calculation analysis using this method.
(178 words)
For More Information
Contact the Purdue Writing Lab:
– Call: 765-494-3723
– OWL Email Tutors:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/contact/owlmailtutors
– On the web: http://owl.english.purdue.edu
Adapted by Allen Brizee and Dr. Linda Bergmann
from the “Little Red Schoolhouse” by
Dr. Joseph Williams, University of Chicago
Dr. Gregory Colomb, University of Virginia