Transcript Grammar Issues for ESL Writers

Conciseness of Language:
Further Applications
Dr. Linda Bergmann, Professor of English, Purdue University
Brought to you in cooperation with the Purdue Online Writing Lab
Conciseness and Choice
When writing, shorter is often clearer:
For Example:
There was a lack of evidence on their part in
support of their claim.
Their claim suffered because of their lack of evidence
in its support.
They could not support their claim because they lacked
evidence.
Clarity and Choice
Which is clearer?
Estimation of peak inflow rates for the sewer system will
involve utilization of an evaluation technique developed
by Richard J. Nojai in the early 1980’s.
In order to estimate peak inflow rates for the sewer
system, we will use an evaluation technique developed
by Richard J. Nojai in the early 1980’s.
Peak inflow rates for the sewer system will be estimated
using an evaluation technique developed by Richard J.
Nojai in the early 1980’s.
Clarity and Conciseness
Work Together
Fixed Sentence
Elements:
Your sentence must have a:
•Subject,
•Verb, (and
•Object)
Movable Story
Elements:
Your sentence may have a:
•Character/agent/doer,
•Action, and
•Receiver/goal
Review: Five Principles
for Effective Sentences
1. Effective sentences tell a story: “People do things.”
2. In the most readable sentences, the key story
elements— character and action—correspond to the key
sentence elements—the subject and verb. These “S-V-O”
sentences also tend to be more concise.
3. Look at the verbs first, and, unless you have a good
reason not to, express the crucial actions as verbs.
4. Express central characters as the subjects of verbs.
5. Put “old information” before “new information” as
you move from sentence to sentence.
Movable Story
Elements
Character----Action---[------------]
Actions can be found in:
Verbs: use, prove, evaluate, reject
Nouns: use, utilization, proof, evaluation, rejection
Other parts of speech: usable, usability, evaluative,
provable
Characters can be found in nouns and other parts of
speech (parental, their, my) or may be missing
altogether.
Nominalizations Sometimes
Increase Empty Words
Nominalizations - verbs into nouns:
•
•
•
•
•
Investigate  investigation
Discover  discovery
Perform  performance
Impair  impairment
To change  a change
Nominalizations in action:
• The data are proof of the thesis.
• There was committee agreement.
• The investigation revealed three serious flaws in
the construction of the bridge.
Work with Verbs
Remember the third rule of effective sentences: look at
the verbs first, and, unless you have a good reason
not to, express actions as verbs.
“Weak” Sentence Examples:
•There was a lack of evidence on their part in support of their claim.
•Estimation of peak inflow rates for the sewer system will involve
utilization of an evaluation technique developed by Richard J. Nojai
in the early 1980’s.
•Dr. Smith was forced to acknowledge his mistake by the attorney.
Work with Verbs (cont.)
Also remember the fourth rule of clarity: Express central
characters as the subjects of verbs.
Practice:
•Their proposal for the rule was without substantial reason.
•If this objective cannot be met with the current documentation, then
revision and improvement of the manual are needed.
To find the characters, ask who is doing—or not
doing—what to whom?
Eliminate Unnecessary
Words
You should only rarely use a phrase or
clause when a single word will do:
In a time-efficient manner = quickly
Due to the fact that = because
In most cases = usually
At the same time as = while, during
Subsequent to = after
In the event that = if
Eliminate Unnecessary
Words
Eliminate words and phrases that do not
carry much meaning:
• It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs
have become active participants in Search and
Rescue operations in most years.
• In most years, engineers at Sandia Labs have actively
participated in Search and Rescue operations.
Original word count: 22, New word count: 15.
Eliminate Unnecessary
Words
Combine sentences to cut unnecessary
repetition:
• Results of the field tests showed that weather conditions
accelerated road wear in a surprisingly short amount of time.
Results of the tests revealed that weather conditions reduced
surface quality of concrete more quickly than asphalt. (36 words)
• Results of field tests showed that weather conditions accelerated
road wear rapidly and reduced surface quality of concrete more
quickly than asphalt. (22 words)
Parallelism
Use the same pattern of words to show that two
or more ideas have the same importance:
•
•
•
•
Words and phrases
Forms
Clauses
Lists
Parallelism: Words
Words connected by “and” must be of the
same part of speech:
This report will discuss road repairs in terms of efficiency,
of them being reliable, and if the repairs are costly.
vs.
This report will discuss road repairs in terms of efficiency,
reliability, and cost.
Practice
Try revising the following:
This report will discuss road repairs in terms of
efficiency, how reliable they may be, and whether the
cost is compatible with the current budget.
These road repairs are expected to last for three years
and for reliability and cost effectiveness over longer
periods of time.
Parallelism: Phrases
With the -ing form (gerund) of words:
Example: The construction manager established a
protocol that includes reviewing plans every morning,
asking questions at stated intervals, and summarizing
work at the end of the day.
With infinitive phrases:
Example: A daily protocol was established to review
plans, (to) field questions, and (to) summarize work.
Parallelism: Forms
Do not mix forms:
Not Parallel: The production manager was asked to
write his report quickly, accurately, and in a detailed
manner.
Parallel: The production manager was asked to write
his report quickly, accurately, and thoroughly.
OR
The production manager was asked to write a detailed
report quickly and accurately.
Parallelism: Clauses
A parallel structure that begins with clauses
must continue using clauses.
Not Parallel: The coach told the players that they
should get a lot of sleep, that they should not eat too
much, and to do some warm-up exercises before the
game.
Parallel: The coach told the players that they should
get a lot of sleep, that they should not eat too much,
and that they should do some warm-up exercises
before the game.
Parallelism: Lists
Be sure to keep all the elements in a list in
the same form.
Not Parallel: The dictionary can be used for these
purposes: to find word meanings, pronunciations,
correct spellings, and looking up irregular verbs.
Parallel: The dictionary can be used for these
purposes: to look up word meanings, pronunciations,
correct spellings, and irregular verbs.
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice revising for conciseness:
There are various alternatives for Portland Cement Concrete
(PCC) rehabilitation techniques. Some of these techniques are
commonly used in Indiana. These are: overlay, crack-and-seat
with overlay, break-and-seat with overlay, and total reconstruction.
The selection of alternatives primarily depends on the pavement
type and its existing condition. Among these alternatives, HMA
overlays rubblized PCC is considered to be the most common
type of PCC rehabilitation. In this technique, the concrete PCC
slab is reduced in-place to approximately aggregate base material
size. (80 Words)
Practice Examples
Sample Revision:
In Indiana, some common techniques for Portland Cement
Concrete (PCC) rehabilitation are overlay, crack-and-seat with
overlay, break-and-seat with overlay, and total reconstruction.
Which alternative is selected depends on the type of pavement and
its condition. The most common technique of PCC rehabilitation is
HMA overlays on rubblized PCC. In this technique, the concrete
PCC slab is reduced in place to approximately the size of
aggregate base material. (68 words)
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice revising for conciseness:
NDT is the most popular method in the pavement evaluation and
overlay because of its advantages of low operational cost, short test
duration and full scale model testing. Falling Weight Deflectometers
(FWD) are widely used to evaluate the structural properties of
pavements nondestructively. Backcalculation of pavement properties
from FWD data is usually carried out by matching the measured
deflections under a known load with theoretical deflections generated
by an analytical model of the pavement by varying the elastic moduli.
Such procedures usually use error minimization techniques to
minimize either the absolute or the squared error, with or without
weighing factors. (100 words)
Practice Examples
Use your handout to practice revising for conciseness:
For decades, numerous backcalculation computer programs have
determined layer moduli. Most of these programs are based on
iteration techniques, which repeatedly use a forward analysis
method within an iterative process. The layer moduli are repeatedly
adjusted until a suitable match between the calculated and
measured deflection basins is obtained. A number of computer
programs, such as BISDEF (Bush, 1985), BOUSDEF (Roesset,
1995), CHEVDEF (Bush, 1980), and COMCOMP (Irwin, 1994), have
been developed for back-calculation analysis using this method.
(178 words)
Where to Go to Get
More Help
Purdue University Writing Lab
Heavilon 226
Web: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
Phone: (765) 494-3723
Email: [email protected]
The End
CONCISENESS OF LANGUAGE: FURTHER APPLICATIONS
Adapted by Allen Brizee and Dr. Linda Bergmann from the
“Little Red Schoolhouse” by Dr. Joseph Williams (U of Chicago)
and Dr. Gregory Colomb (U of Virginia)
Brought to you in cooperation with the Purdue Online Writing Lab