Transcript Passive Voice and Why It’s Bad

I.
II.
III.
Passive Voice
Wordiness
Combining Sentences
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What it is:
A.
B.

Why It’s bad:
A.
B.
C.
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Passive = weak, indirect, and often long sentences
Uses “to be verbs” (is, was, were, had been, has) + past tense verb
Uses more words than necessary to articulate a point. Leads to
wordiness.
Tends to emphasize the least important information in the sentence
Makes the reader work harder to grasp concepts
Which is written in a passive way?:
A.
B.
By the time we got to the line for the roller coaster, it had been shut
down because the park officials had decided it would be dangerous
to ride it.
At the line for the roller coaster, we discovered that, due to the
weather, park officials decided to shut down the ride.
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Active = strong, straightforward structure w/active verbs
(present or past tense)
Follows the Subject Verb Object Structure:
Ex. “The T-Rex devoured the livestock.”
S
V
O
Rather than: “The livestock were devoured by the T-rex.”
O
V
S
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How could we rewrite the following passive voice sentences?
1.
2.
In 1776, it was decided by the drafting committee that the
Declaration of Independence should be written on hemp paper.
Because of the many injuries caused by the slippery grass, the
coaches were required to call off the game so they wouldn’t get in
trouble with the parents of the players.
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First, we need to identify passives (helping verbs, etc.) and
who the subject of the sentence is.
Secondly, we begin rewriting it by placing the subject first
and following it with an active verb (present, or past tense)
Finally, we end the sentence after the direct object and start
a new independent clause w/ a semi-colon or period.
Answer:
1.
2.
The Declaration of Independence drafting committee decided in
1776 to write on hemp paper.
The coaches feared trouble with their players’ parents, so they
called off the game; the wet grass caused too many injuries.

Excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, passive constructs, etc.
=> Any material not adding to the argument
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You should always ask yourself if your adverbs and adjectives
are adding anything meaningful.
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Wordiness weakens arguments by overloading the sentence.
Too much to focus on, so your main points get lost.
ex. The Ambassador of Finland, a truly fastidious and well-groomed
old man, delivered an awfully dull and laborious speech dripping
with concern about the terrible, increasingly alarming downward
trend of the international stock market.
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What words could I cut out? What information is necessary
and what is extra information?
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First, identify the adjectives, adverbs, and prepositions (of,
from, to, across, through, etc.)
Determine the most basic meaning of the sentence (S-V-O).
Judge whether we need or desire additional descriptive
information
Think of ways to eliminate the prepositions through
reordering and reducing the sentence.
Answers:
1. The well-groomed, old Ambassador of Finland delivered a dull, but
concerned speech, regarding the alarming trends of the international
stock market.
2. Even more to the point: The Finnish Ambassador delivered a speech
concerning the global marketplace crash.
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Repetitive sentence patterns bore the reader. Too many
periods makes arguments choppy.
However, it’s often best to write simply for the first draft and
then consider how to join independent clauses into more
sophisticated structures.
A passage written in short, simple sentences:
1.

Richard went to the store on Wednesday. At the store, he bought
pickles. Richard also purchased a cooler and a lantern. He was going
camping that weekend. It was going to be hot. Richard knew that he
would want a cooler for the fish. He bought a cooler because he
wanted to keep his refreshments cold, too.
So how do we make this less wordy and more sophisticated?
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Identify the most essential information in the sentence first.
Then, order elements according to purpose and intent. If
you have two sentences saying essentially the same thing
(same verbs, pronouns, etc.) then you can list them.
After combining sentences:
1.
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On Wednesday, Richard went to the store for his camping trip to buy
pickles, a lantern, and a cooler; he knew the heat would spoil his fish
and refreshments would without one.
The purpose here is to avoid spoiled food/prepare for a trip.
The intent is to purchase a set of items.

Think of your first drafts as diamond or gold
mines. You have to chisel out the valuable,
necessary materials and cart out the rest.
This is your final
draft! = >