Transcript Show Don`t Tell

Basics rules of writing well…
Turn to page 11 of your writing
handbook, review the basic rules of
writing and complete the activity.
Be prepared to discuss your
responses.
RULE
Practice Sentence
Don't use no double
negatives.
I don’t have no money.
Make each pronoun
agree with their
antecedents. (pg
#)
Everyone needs to buy
their own ticket.
Every one needs to buy
his or her own ticket.
Do not split two
complete
sentences with a
comma, it’s called
a comma splice.
I love my mother, she
has always been there
for me.
I love my mother. She has
always been there for me.
About them sentence
fragments.
On the way to the park. On the way to the park I
saw a gorilla.
I don’t have any money.
When dangling, watch While walking to the
The bus hit the kitten
park, the bus hit the
your participles.
while walking to the park.
kitten.
Verbs has got to
agree with their
subjects. (pg #)
She really need to get a
new car.
She really needs to get a
new car.
Don't write run-on
sentences they are
hard to read.
I never listen to the
teacher that is why I
always fail the tests I know
I should listen but I don’t.
Don't use commas,
Let’s meet at the gas
which aren't necessary. station, that is on the
corner of 3rd and Elm.
I always fail the test
because I never listen
to the teach even
though I should.
Let’s meet at the gas
station on the corner of
3rd and Elm.
Try to not ever split
infinitives
I really want to just sit
down and relax.
Its important to use
your apostrophe's
correctly.
Venus Williams has won 4
Wimbledon’s.
Venus Williams has won
4 Wimbledons.
That is such a grate essay!
That is such a great
I am so glad I proofread it
essay! I’m so glad I
before aI turned it in.
proofread it before I
I have always marched to
turned it in!
the beat of a different
drummer.
I have always followed
my own path.
Proofread your writing
to see if you any words
out.
Avoid cliches like the
plague.
I really want just to sit
down and relax.
Correct speling is
essential.
I didn’t look over my
essay before I turned it
in, and I am probly
going to get a bad grade.
Eschew
ostentatious
erudition.
(pg. #)
The circumstances of
the calamity that has
befallen me have
completely
intimidated my
previous giddiness
about this topic.
I didn’t look over my
essay before I turned it
in, and I am probably
going to get a bad grade.
This calamity has ruined
my excitement.
Word Labyrinths Revealed:
Reducing Wordiness
What is wordiness?
FLUFF
FLOWERY
EXCESSIVE
LONG
Sentences
≠
“SMARTER”
“SMARTER” writing is…
Clear
To the Point
Concise
How do I reduce wordiness?
Many ways including…
– Making subjects and verbs stronger and
agreeable.
– Changing passive to active voice.
– Omitting filler phrases
– Combine sentences
– Use proper punctuation
– Use proper parallelism
Review:
Writing Handbook Page 12-14
Linking verb
– Passive
– Connect the subject of the verb to additional
information about the subject (see pg. 11)
Helping verb
– Passive
– help the main verb in a sentence by extending
the meaning of the verb
Action verb
– Active!
– Show that the subject is doing something, not
just existing.
Action verbs SHOW rather than
TELL.
The man is a monster.
Does this show or tell?
– Not very vivid…in fact it’s dull.
– So…change it to action to show he is a
monster.
The man ripped off the sheep’s
head and ate the eyeballs with
a sickening squishy crunch.
The Holy Matrimony of Verbs &
Subjects
Strongest verbs SHOW rather
than_______.
Subjects are _____ and
________ that PERFORM the
action of the verb
Active Voice = A+
Active voice: When the subject
performs the action
Passive voice: When the action is
performed on the subject. In other
words, you’ve made the object into
the subject.
– Weak: The truck was loaded with
crates of bananas by the workers.
– Better: The workers loaded the truck
with crates of bananas.
Passive voice is NOT
Grammatically incorrect!
It’s a style issue. Active voice
makes the writing more concise
and thus more enjoyable for the
reader.
Subject (Noun/Pronoun) & Verb
Agreement
A SUBJECT is either ________ (one)
or ______ (many)
The VERB must always AGREE
(change form to match) with the
SUBJECT
SINGLE subject = ________ verb;
PLURAL subject = ________ verb
Avoid these phrases when
possible!
Common Filler Phrases
It is
There is
There are
This
This is impt. b/c
That
Which
Given the fact that
Would
Could
It seems that
Prepositions like of, by, from
Intensifiers: very, extremely,
This
means
that
Should
Combining sentences
Use a colon for explanatory
sentences rather than introducing it
a second time in a second sentence
Combine closely related short
sentences with semi-colons or
conjunctions
Wordy
Concise
The theater has three main technical
The theater has three main technical
areas. These areas are costumes, scenery, areas: costumes, scenery, and lighting.
and lighting.
The director is concerned about
problems. Typical problems may occur
with lighting, sound, and props.
The director is concerned about typical
problems with lighting, sound, and props.
Remember when combining to
have correct parallel structure…
Turn to page 22 of your writing
handbook
Correct Parallelism
1. Our forty second president, William
Jefferson Clinton, is a complex man
who demonstrates great authority
and is organized as a leader, but his
disrespect for the feminine
population and being arrogant are
unorthodox qualities at best and
personal vices at worst.
arrogance
Corrected
Our forty second president, William
Jefferson Clinton, is a complex man
who demonstrates great authority
and is organized as a leader, but his
disrespect for the feminine
population and arrogance are
unorthodox qualities at best and
personal vices at worst.
Page 20 of your
Writing Handbook
1. The first person that I met at the
party was Cindy. Cindy was a
blonde who had bright green eyes.
I met
Cindy , sentences…
a blonde with
Combine
Ask bright
yourselfgreen
what eyes,
has party
been repeated
here? How can I take
at the
first.
out unnecessary words and phrases? Is it
an active or passive sentence? If it is
passive, can I make it active?
2. The woman who was keeping
score made a mistake.
The woman scorekeeper made a
mistake.
Combine sentences… Ask yourself what
has been repeated here? How can I take
The
made
mistake.
out scorekeeper
unnecessary words
and a
phrases?
Is it
an active or passive sentence? If it is
passive, can I make it active?
Your turn…
Finish the rest of page 20. Take
your time in reducing the
wordiness of each sentence. They
are all common mistakes.
Exit Ticket
Choose one of the sentences on your
worksheet.
Write the number at the top of the
small paper
Write your corrected version
Put your name on the exit ticket and
turn it in before you leave today.