Transcript Academic english iii

ACADEMIC ENGLISH III
Class 16
May 3, 2013
Today
Academic style continued
“Waste Management” – taking out the trash
Source: commons.wikimedia.org
Taking out the trash
In the class that we are going to hold on this day, it is my
plan that we, as a class, will look at an issue which is
common in writing fairly often; I want to talk about and
discuss the issue of ‘wordiness’.
 Today, we will examine a common issue, wordiness.
Wordiness
Conciseness is important in both academic and business
writing.
- Concise writing expresses ideas without
unnecessary wordiness.
Wordiness:
- Increases the length of your work without adding
meaning.
- Makes writing more difficult to understand.
Wordiness
Example 1:
The reason why Dave came to Success College was
because it is inexpensive in price.
2 issues:
1. The words reason, why, and because all express the
same idea.
2. Saying something is inexpensive includes the idea of
price.
Wordiness
Example 1:
The reason why Dave came to Success College was
because it is inexpensive in price.
Concisely:
Dave came to Success College because it is inexpensive.
Wordiness
Example 2:
Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the
conclusion that she would go to work.
2 issues:
1. ‘Despite the fact that’ is just a long way of
saying ‘despite’.
2. ‘Came to the conclusion that’ is a long way of
saying decided.
Wordiness
Example 2:
Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the
conclusion that she would go to work.
Concisely:
Despite feeling ill, Ann decided to go to work.
Wordiness
In my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very
fascinating.
- This sentence can be cut down to three words:
Sociology is fascinating.
Wordiness
In my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.
 Sociology is fascinating.
- In my opinion and I think just repeat the same idea.
- Fascinating is clearly a judgment, so there is no need to include either
‘I think’ or ‘In my opinion’.
- Sociology includes the idea of studying it, so the study of is
redundant.
- Fascinating can be defined as very interesting, so adding very is
unnecessary.
Some simple examples
1. The stegosaurus was huge in size.
- The stegosaurus was huge.
2. Now she is at school.
• - She is at school.
3. He was happy and joyful about the great gift.
• - He was happy about the gift.
4. Because of the fact that he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim decided
to take the night off.
• - Because he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim took the night off.
5. In the summer season, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park.
• - In the summer, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park.
6. On January 14, in the middle of winter, the weather was freezing cold.
• - On January 14, the weather was freezing.
7. I think smoking in public places should be banned.
• - Smoking in public should be banned.
8. In order to get the true facts of the case, the lawyer interviewed 4
witnesses.
• - To get the facts, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses.
9. Furthermore, Henry VIII also married six different women.
• - Henry VIII also married six women.
10. Redundancy is defined as unnecessary repetition.
• - Redundancy is unnecessary repetition.
11. New Westminster, which was British Columbia’s first capital city, is
located on the shores of the Fraser River.
• - New Westminster, British Columbia’s first capital city, is located along
the Fraser River.
12. The computer is sitting on top of the table.
• - The computer is on the table.
Common Causes of Wordiness
W = wordy
C = concise
Use of vague words which need explanation instead of
precise words.
W: She talked to him in a loud angry voice.
C: She yelled at him.
W: The crime wave had some bad results that cost people a lot of
money.
C: The crime wave had some costly results.
Common Causes of Wordiness
Use of long expressions instead of individual words
W: to come to the conclusion that
C: to decide
W: to put forward the idea that
C: to suggest
i.e.,
The president put forward the idea that the meeting be
extended.
The president suggested that the meeting be extended.
Common Causes of Wordiness
Repetitive wording:
end result = end
past experience = past
share in common = share
small in size = small
Common Causes of Wordiness
Repetitive wording:
made a discovery = discovered
made an attempt = attempted
made an accusation = accused
made an appearance = appeared
made a decision = decided
Common Causes of Wordiness
Repetitive wording, or words that provide excessive
detail
W: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the
intellectual activity of learning the rules of playing chess.
C: Imagine someone attempting to learn the rules of chess.
Common Causes of Wordiness
Over-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects
W: It was exciting to go to the New Year celebrations.
C: The New Year celebrations were exciting.
W: There were thirty-four people in the room who were
waiting for the mayor.
C: Thirty-four people in the room were waiting for the
mayor.
Common Causes of Wordiness
Over-use of relative clauses (starting with that, who, which)
W: The news, which was released yesterday, was devastating.
C: The news released yesterday was devastating.
W: The girl who was talented gave a concert.
C: The talented girl have a concert.
Common Causes of Wordiness
Over-use of passive verbs
W: The criminal was caught by the police, and later the
passive
criminal was convicted by the courts.
passive
C: The police caught the criminal and the court convicted
active
active
him.
Side note: passive vs. active voice
In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over
passive sentences.
Side note: passive vs. active voice
In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over
passive sentences.
Active voice:
- The subject performs the action expressed by the verb.
i.e., Andrew threw the hammer.
Side note: passive vs. active voice
In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over
passive sentences.
Passive voice:
- The subject receives the action expressed by the verb.
i.e., The hammer was thrown by Andrew.
Side note: passive vs. active voice
In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over
passive sentences.
- The active voice is:
- More concise
- More direct
- Easier to understand
Side note: passive vs. active voice
Examples:
It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s
greatest film.
Active:
Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest
film.
Side note: passive vs. active voice
Examples:
The Old Man and the Sea was written by Ernest
Hemmingway.
Active:
Ernest Hemmingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea.
Side note: passive vs. active voice
Exception:
If the agent – the one performing the action- is unknown,
you can use the passive voice.
i.e., The walls had been defaced by grafitti.
The car was pushed over the cliff.
Practice
Terry Fox
Source: www.cbc.ca
Homework
Finish the Tebbrry Fox examples (check website for sample
answers)
JOURNAL: Re-write the paragraph about Canada in
Space more concisely.
Deadline: Tuesday 2:00 p.m.