Transcript Revising to Hold Your Reader 2014

Holding Your Reader
Who is your reader
?
To revise to hold your
reader:
Think globally,
then act locally
First, think globally:
large-scale revisions
Then, act locally:
small scale revisions
Globally: Large Scale Revisions
PARC
Global Coherence:
Logical organization
Unified structure
Natural transitions between
paragraph
✔
Purpose
✔
Audience
✔ Role
✔ Context
“Local” Small-Scale Revisions
Choices for order and content are
resolved before you:
Unify within paragraphs for sentence
cohesion:
Clear Language
Cohesive Language
Concise Language
Strategies for Improving Clarity
• reread paragraphs for topic sentences
• reorganize sentence order within paragraphs for
better unity and flow (cohesion)
• remove words or sentences that distract
• add words or sentences that repeat key subjects
• move words or sentences for closer relationships
Strategies for Concise Language
• reread sentences for word choice
• remove sentences that detract or distract
• remove “priming” words
• revise for the active voice (no passive v.)
• revise “abstract” nouns in favor of active
verbs; change nominalizations to verbs:
The translation of the letter was done.
The immigration attorney translated the letter.
Strategies for Improving Cohesion in
Paragraphs
• Vary length of sentences
•Put in guiding words or phrases (time, manner, place)
• Revise out generalizations and clichés
• Repeat key words; Use topic sentences and topic words
Transition Words and Phrases
 Links
 also
 although
 for example
 similarly
 in contrast
 in spite of
 and
 not only
 however
 Nudges
 this + noun
 that + noun
 these + noun
 those + noun
 then
 consequently
 as a result
 therefore
 next
Using Active Voice
Or,
To Be, or Not to Be
Use active
and precise verbs
!
“It is difficult to say what
was meant in this.”
“It is difficult to say what
was meant in this.”
I couldn’t understand what the
speaker said.
“It is difficult to say what
was meant in this.”
I couldn’t understand what the
words meant.
Passive Voice Problems:
To be or not to be?
A passive construction occurs when you make the
object of an action into the subject of a sentence.
The Passive is formed:
Passive Subject + To Be + Past Participle
Passive Voice Problems:
To be or not to be?
A passive construction occurs when you make the
object of an action into the subject of a sentence.
Passive Subject + To Be + Past Participle
For example:
The cookies were eaten.
The Verb: To Be
be
being
been
am
is; isn't
are; aren't
was; wasn't
were; weren't
Contractions with to be:
* I'm (I am)
* you're (you are); we're (we are);
they're (they are)
* he's (he is); she's (she is); it's (it is)
Examples of Passive Voice:
The first doomsday claim discussed is global
famine. It was claimed that the Earth would face
a famine in the 1970s.
It has been noted that the price of raw materials
has been reduced.
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