Transcript Communication Notes

COMMUNICATION
Child Services
“COMMUNICATION IS TO RELATIONSHIPS WHAT
BREATHING IS TO LIFE.” – VIRGINIA SATIR
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What does she mean?
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How do we achieve this?
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Within this context, is it easier to understand
why there is so much pain in human
relationships?
In what ways has communication changed in our
relationships due to technology?
What types of communication problems may
technology contribute to relationships?
HARRY POTTER & THE SORCERER’S STONE
WAKE UP BEFORE THE ZOO
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How did the parent (or caregiver) make the child
feel?
What do you think he would have liked to say to
their parent (or caregiver)?
Why do you think the child allowed himself to be
treated this way?
Why didn’t he speak up to his parent (or
caregiver)?
DOMINANT / SUBORDINATE
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Make a list of people or positions that are
dominant.
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Make a list of people or positions that are
subordinate.
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How do you think they became dominate?
How do you think they became subordinate?
How can people change roles?
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In the story who was:
Dominate
 Temporarily subordinate
 Permanently subordinate
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What will change these rules?
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How might communication be improved?
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What suggestions would you have which would
help improve the communication of the
characters?
POWER IN COMMUNICATION
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Reflect on your own life:
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How has power in your relationships effected your
communication?
In the family
 In the classroom
 In peer relationships
 In dating relationships
 On the job
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How can you help a child have power in his/her
own life?
TEACHER’S BEHAVIOR CONTINUUM
TBC- Strategies to try in sequence when interacting with
children.
Left side- least amount of intervention
Looking on
Control: child
Nondirective statement
“James took the giraffe.”
Directive statement
Physical intervention
“What can you do/say
“Tell James to
to get your giraffe back?” give your giraffe
back.”
Control: adult
Right side-the greatest amount of intervention
If there is a situation involves a dispute between two children deal
with the “victim” (if there is one) first.
Remember that the goal is give children the language tools to solve
their own problems.
Physical intervention of the adult comes only after the child is unable
to solve the situation on his/her own.
Oken-Wright, P. (1992). “Tug of War to Let’s Make a Deal: The Teacher’s Role.” Young Children. National Association for the Education of Young
Children, Vol. 48, Number 1.
IDENTIFY FEELINGS AND THEN USE TBC
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Sara & Tommy are riding the tricycles outside on the
sidewalk. Julie comes over & asks if she can have a turn.
Sara says, “NO!!!” Tommy & Sara laugh & Julie runs over
to you crying.
Several children have just built a boat in the block area.
Nadia & Sergio spot the wooden paddle that was put in the
block area that morning. They begin to argue over who will
use it, & as their dispute begins to escalate into yelling,
crying, & hitting the high school buddy comes to assist.
Chris is sitting next to the teacher at large group. Out of
nowhere, Rashell appears, squirms her body between Chris
& the teacher, pushing & jostling everyone. “Hey!” Chris
shouts, “I was here first!” With that he slaps Rashell.
Rashell slaps Chris back & says, “There now you know how
it feels!”
“THE
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WATER CLOSET”
There was a little old English lady who was looking for a place to live in Switzerland. She asked the local
village school master to help her and together they found a place that suited her. She returned to London to
get her things, but on the way home she remembered that she had not noticed a bathroom in the new place,
or as she called it, a “water closet”. So when she arrived in London she wrote to the school master to inquire
about a “water closet” in her place. Being somewhat embarrassed to ask about this, she decided to just use
the abbreviation “W.C.” rather than spell out the words. When the school master received her letter he was
puzzled by the initials “W.C.”, never dreaming that she was referring to a bathroom. So he went to the local
minister to see if he knew what a “W.C.” was, and of course, the minister thought it stood for Wesleyan
Church. So the school master wrote this reply to the English lady:
Dear Madam,
The W.C. is situated nine miles from the house in the center of a beautiful grove of trees. It is capable of
holding 350 people at a time and is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday of each week. A large number of
folks attend during the summer months, so it is suggested you go early, although there is plenty of standing
room. Some folks like to take their lunch and make a day of it, especially on Thursday when there is organ
accompaniment. The acoustics are very good and everyone can hear the slightest sound.
It may be of interest to you to know that my daughter was married in our W.C. and it was there she met
her husband.
We hope you will be here in time for our bazaar to be held very soon. The proceeds will go toward the
purchase of plush seats for our W.C., which the folks agree are a long-felt need, as the present seats all have
holes in them.
My wife is rather delicate; therefore, she cannot attend regularly. It has been six months since the last
time she went. Naturally, it pains her very much not to be able to go more often.
I shall close now with the desire to accommodate you in every way possible, and I will be happy to save
you a seat down front or near the door, whichever you prefer.
Sincerely,
The Schoolmaster
WATER CLOSET QUESTIONS
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What was the problem?
Why was there confusion between the English Lady an
the Schoolmaster?
What could have been done to prevent the confusion?
Is communication important in our relationships?
Why or why not?
What are some qualities of a good communicator?
BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION
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Interrupting
Defensiveness
Misreading of Non-verbal communication
Selective Hearing
Perceptions
Sarcasm
Accusations/Blaming (You Messages)
Mind Reading
Stating an opinion as fact
Name-calling
Changing the Subject
Insulting
Generalizing
HINTS FOR OVERCOMING BARRIERS
 Ask for more information.
 “I don’t understand the meaning of that word. Would you please
explain further?”
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Restate what you think you heard.
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“Are you saying that you mean…?”
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Explain what you think happened.
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“I feel that you cut me off in midsentence.”
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Tell your feelings.
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“I get angry when I am put down for my opinions.”
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Try to stay calm.
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Attacking another person does not help you get your point
across.
ACTIVE LISTENING APPROACH
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STOP- what you are doing.
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LOOK- at the person who is talking.
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LISTEN- to what the person is saying.
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RESPOND- to the person by:
Paraphrasing what they say
 Asking clarifying questions
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“I” STATEMENTS
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Saying "you did this wrong" or "you did that bad thing"
often makes people feel angry and hostile.
"I" statements can help you communicate your feelings
in a way that makes the person more likely to respond
with respect.
"I" statements also provide clear, direct messages and
help people understand that their actions have effects
on other people.
“I” STATEMENT EXAMPLES
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When you don't pick up your toys, I feel mad and tired
because then I have to pick them up myself.
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When you scream loudly, I feel upset because it hurts
my ears.
You also can reverse the order, and state your feelings
first.
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I feel mad and tired when you don't pick up your toys
because then I have to pick them up myself.
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I feel upset when you scream loudly because it hurts
my ears.
"I" STATEMENTS ALSO CAN BE USED TO EXPRESS
POSITIVE FEELINGS
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When you are nice to your brother, I feel happy
because I like to see you getting along with others.
When you do your homework, I feel proud because I
think that school is important.
“I” STATEMENT FORMULA
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When. (provide nonjudgmental description of behavior)
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I feel. (name your feeling)
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Because. (give the effect the behavior has on you or others).
In the future (state the behavior you want in the future)
What you want to happen next.
Or you may want to state your feelings first and follow this
format:
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I feel. (name your feeling)
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When. (provide nonjudgmental description of behavior)
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Because. (give the effect the behavior has on you or others).
In the future
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Either format will work as a means of effective
communication.
Using "I" statements may feel awkward at first,
but with a little practice, it will become a regular
part of your communication style.
USE “I” STATEMENTS TO RESPOND TO EACH
ONE OF THE SCENARIOS BELOW. WRITE
YOUR RESPONSES DOWN ON A PIECE OF
PAPER AND SHOW YOUR TEACHER.
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One of your teachers says, “Your work in my class has
really gone downhill the last month. What seems to be
the problem?”
Your steady girl/boyfriend says, “You haven’t seemed
friendly lately. Are you tired of going out with me?”
Your best friend’s dating partner says to you, “We
really get along well. Maybe we should start seeing
more of each other.”
One of your parents says to you, “If you’re going to live
here, you’ve got to do your chores. You haven’t washed
the dishes in over a week now.”
IDENTIFY FEELINGS, USE TBC, BE AN ACTIVE
LISTENER AND USE I STATEMENTS
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Sara & Tommy are riding the tricycles outside on the
sidewalk. Julie comes over & asks if she can have a turn.
Sara says, “NO!!!” Tommy & Sara laugh & Julie runs over
to you crying.
Several children have just built a boat in the block area.
Nadia & Sergio spot the wooden paddle that was put in the
block area that morning. They begin to argue over who will
use it, & as their dispute begins to escalate into yelling,
crying, & hitting the high school buddy comes to assist.
Chris is sitting next to the teacher at large group. Out of
nowhere, Rashell appears, squirms his body between Chris
& the teacher, pushing & jostling everyone. “Hey!” Chris
shouts, “I was here first!” With that he slaps Rashell.
Rashell slaps Chris back & says, “There now you know how
it feels!”
TIME TO PRACTICE 
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Find a partner.
You and your partner each have one minute to
talk about what you did this last weekend.
Use the Active Listening Approach & I
statements.
COMMUNICATING WITH CHILDREN
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Things you should never say to a child:
Do it…or else!
 Act your age!
 Because I said so!
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No!
Don’t!
Suggestions for positive guidance:
 Get on the child’s level. (Sit, squat, or kneel
 Keep it simple and be clear. (Use words & terms
the child can understand
 Be timely & specific (Give directions at the time
you want them carried out)
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SUGGESTIONS FOR POSITIVE GUIDANCE:
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Be Positive!
Put the child’s feelings into words. Help them use their
words.
Speak distinctly and use correct grammar.
Use phrases such as “Tell me…”
Recognize and accept the reason the child is doing what, in
your judgment, is the wrong thing and state the "but”.
Help the child find a solution to the problem if they are
unable.
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Give two acceptable choices.
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Explain logical options and consequences.
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Redirect if necessary.
PUT UPS / PUT DOWNS
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What do you think a Put Down is?
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What do you think a Put Up is?
Studies suggest that over 90% of the
meaning we derive from
communication, we derive from the
non-verbal cues that the other person
gives.
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION
This person is happy and excited.
She has her hands raised above
her head in triumph.
This person is very frustrated and
angry. She has her hands raised
above her head with her fists
balled up showing her anger.