Transcript Handout 1 - Montana Association of Counties

CIVILITY
COMMUNICATIONS
INTERVENTION
Michele Puiggari
Puiggari & Associates
2017
THREE LEGS OF DISCRIMINATION
TRAINING
•Civility
•Communications
•ByStander Intervention
•It’s on Us
GOAL
•Stop Unwanted behavior BEFORE it
becomes legal issue
•Make the workplace better place to
be for all employees
ISSUE
• Increase in society at large in behaviors demonstrate lack of respect
• Translates to work place
• Ex. Checking text message when in meeting
• Ex. Yelling at subordinate or co worker
CIVILITY
• Definition
• Behavior that helps preserve norms for
mutual respect at work
• Manners
• Curtesy
• Awareness of rights, wishes, concerns,
feelings of others
CIVILITY
• Not Reading Minds
• Speak/act
• Respectively
• Restrained
• Principled
• Avoid speaking/acting in way
•
•
•
•
Offensive
Rude
Demeaning
threatening
DISCRIMINATING
• Speaking/acting (non verbal communication) in way that is
offensive
• Speaking/acting in way that is demeaning
• Speaking /acting in a way that is rude
incivility = lack of respect
= deviant behavior
TO BE PC OR NOT TO BE PC
• This has nothing to do with being too PC or not being real
• Its about respect for others feelings
• Be disrespectful on your own time NOT at work
IMPACT
• Decreased morale
• Decreased productivity
• Lost work time
• Decrease in performance
• Increase sick leave
• You have to take up slack
HOW REACT
• Avoid conflict
• Avoid person
• Don’t come to work
• Address person
• Can turn into resentment by both parties
• Minimalize it
• Not that bad
• Ignore it will stop
• Seek group support
• Then others resent person
• Seek organization support
• Report to supervisor
• File complaint
NOT EXCUSE
SIGNS MAY INCREASE
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Busy
Stressed
Deadline
Bad day
Person has “hot” temperament
Inflexibility
Hurt feelings
JUST APOLOGIZE
ORGANIZATION ROLE
• Training
• System to take uncivil conduct seriously (nothing too minor)
• Do assessment (anymous survey)
• Make Supervisors Model behaviors (discipline if don’t)
• Zero Tolerance
• Must take action
• Employees self –monitor
• Know how they act and react to situations
• Will be conflict so train employees how to express differences/conflict in
positive way (communication styles)
• Think about how and what you are saying BEFORE and how you would feel
•Organization has anti discrimination
policy
•Prohibits discrimination
•Method to report
•No retaliation
SUPERVISORS
• Model behavior
• Assist employees in understanding how they communicate
• Be on time
• Recognize stressful situations and remind employees to remain civil
• Assist in conflict resolution
• EVERYONE: Speak up if see it directed at others---supervisors must speak up
• Before acting consider impact of words and actions
TEN TIPS
• Create inclusive environment
• Self monitor: words, body language, listening
• Understand your triggers: what makes you angry, stressed
• Take responsibility---we all will make mistakes
• Adopt positive and solution driven approach to conflict (not ganging up
and excluding)
• Relay on facts—not rumor
• Understand how someone acting likely NOT ABOUT YOU
• Be role model
• Look at big picture
BYSTANDER INTERVENTION
• Need leadership
• To follow (believe in and be authentic)
• Support
• Requires safety in reporting
• Law---cannot retaliate anyone who opposes discrimination and reports
• Creates collective responsibility
• Empowers others to intercede
BYSTANDER INTERVENTION
• Recognize unwanted behaviors
• Report unwanted behaviors
DON’T BE SILENT
TRAINED TO BE SILENT
• TRAINED NOT TO ROCK THE BOAT
• Your brother routinely makes anti-Semitic comments. Your neighbors uses the Nword in casual conversation. Your co-worker ribs you about your Italian surname,
asking if you’re in the mafia. Your classmate insults something by saying, “That’s
so gay.” And you stand there, in silence, thinking, “What can I say in response to
that?” Or you laugh along, uncomfortably. Or, frustrated or angry, you walk
away without saying anything, thinking later, “I should have said something.”
• IN THE WORKPLACE WHAT DO YOU DO?
POLICIES
• Report
• To supervisor
• HR
• REPORT USING POLICIES
• Discrimination
• Grievance
OTHER TOOLS
• Interrupt early
• Explain to person how the statement made you “feel”
• Don’t laugh
• Interrupt laughter (“why does everyone think that is funny?”)
• Directly state to person what is offensive (in private)
• Don’t accept the role if discriminatory (always taking notes etc)
• Don’t let offensive language be used or offensive pictures
• Support colleagues this is directed to
COMMUNICATION
• There will always be conflict
• Question is how to address it without creating feelings of disrespect
• Need all communications and interactions conducted in civil and respectful
manner
• Means no harassment, discrimination, bullying, workplace violence, unethical
actions or other disrespectful behavior
KEY
Intentional respectful communications
COMMUNICATION
• Speak respectfully
• Know audience
• Discussion should be about ideas or behaviors NOT about the person (ex. I
don’t support or like the (insert behavior) NOT I don’t like your idea of…..
• Remember you are not always right
• High emotion can be in both parties—feelings are not right or wrong they just
are
• TONE OF VOICE MATTERS—NOT EXCUSE
• Consider how emails/texts sound
• Say please and thank you
CONFLICT
• Other opinions/approaches valuable
• Don’t assume other person’s intent
• DO NOT GOSSIP
• Hurtful
• Negative impact morale
• BE SUPPORTIVE OF ORGANIZATION—part of solution
COMMUNICATION AS INFLUENCE
• Engage person in conversation—not manipulation
• Create Trust (poor communication breaks trust)
• We speak different languages
• Give person safety, belonging and mattering
• Tell them doing it right, have their back, reach out to me (safe so may take more risks)
• Tell them glad on team, great you are here, who would you like to be a mentor (now
they belong and feel safe)
• You are my top pick, I trust you, appreciate your work (showing them they matter)
• You as employee can identify what you need and ask for it
Once out of flight or fight state have trust
COMMUNICATION
• Get attention and loyalty
• Means speaking their language
• What do they want to hear most
• Safety or belonging or mattering
• What communication style are they
• What quadrant
• Take what they want and quadrant and craft message
• I need your help
• Let’s be a team
• Do this…..
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
• We Act to Avoid
• Never get easier
• Emotional response
• No training how to do them
• FRAMEWORK FOR PLANNING
•
•
•
•
•
what is the goal
Where and when to have the talk
Start off with facts—do not attack person
Let person vent without interruption (this does not mean you agree)
Don’t let person “thwart” you by: crying, shouting, swearing, silence, evading, lying,
denial, sarcasm, threats
DISCRIMINATION
• Conduct towards individual because of protected category
• Use complaint process
• Even if not “discrimination” makes employer aware of issue
• Formal complaint can be filed with MT Department of H. Rts.