Transcript Jan 17 Relationship Building

Communication Skills I:
Relationship Building
PED 3133C
January 17, 2011
[email protected]
Today
Speakers, possible reworking of topics
Summary of You
Brief Review of last week
More communication
Relationships in the classroom, fears?
Break
Your group sessions
Summary
Case Study
Your Responses
Subjects:
English
History & Sciences
Religious Studies
Math
Comp Science & French
Geography & Physed
Drama & Visual Art
Coop Program
17
12
11
4
3
2
1
2
3 mentioned children (young!)
5 mentioned parents or family
Universities:
Carleton
Queens
Waterloo
Iran
St Francis
Western
McGill
Trent
Windsor
Previous Work – wow!
University Tutor
Women’s Shelter
Swimming Instruc
Athletic Events Org.
Web/Graphic Design
Music Store
Social Worker
ESL in Korea
Youth Pastor
Student
Where are we from?
Ontario – Windsor to Cornwall,
Toronto to Thunder Bay
Montreal, Nova Scotia
Big and Small –Toronto to Cobden
Wants:
Practical Issues
Theory
Ethics and Legalities
Communication
Three types:
Verbal – actual words
– very little effect on message sent
Paraverbal – how words are said
- 38 %
Nonverbal – the biggie, body language
- 55 % of what is perceived
Need consistency in all 3!
Listening
Also part of the process
Put aside your own thoughts and agendas,
put yourself in another’s shoes and try to
see the world through that person’s eyes.
“True listening requires that we suspend
judgment, evaluation, and approval in an
attempt to understand another’s frame of
reference, emotions, and attitudes.
Listening to understand is, indeed, a
difficult task.”
(Windle & Warren, Communication Skills, sec. 4, p. 3)
Active Listening
Truly being engaged in hearing the
other person’s message
If you are actively listening, you
should be tired by the time you finish
a talk with someone
Active Listening
What are some traits of active listening ?
Stop talking, let someone else do a little talking
Eye contact
Watching & listening with your whole being, listening to their non verbal
communication.
Concentration, focus
Be patient, let the speaker finish speaking & let yourself finish listening
before speaking. Don’t interrupt; give them time to say what they are
trying to say.
If the speaker is having difficulty finding words you can help them find a
word.
Understanding the intent, double-check the meaning.
Empathize with the person. Understand another's feelings.
Listening fully gives respect and power to both the speaker and listener.
Silence. A good listener is comfortable with silence.
Silence makes people uncomfortable. It is filled with thought, and
sometimes pain. Too often people are afraid to wait out the silence and
jump in to fill it up with words. A good listener is comfortable with silence,
and knows that it can bear much emotional fruit. Sometimes waiting out
several minutes of silence will give the speaker a chance to dig deep for
a much needed insight.
Mastering the silence is an important achievement.
(Stobbe, In the Moment, Workshop 4, 2003)
Paraphrasing,
Reflecting and
Summarizing
Techniques to confirm you are
hearing the correct message.
What is the difference?
Questions
A closed question usually receives a
single word or very short, factual
answer
Open questions elicit longer answers.
They usually begin with what, why,
how.
(Mind Tools.com, 2011)
Communication Skills
“Communication skills are the core of the helping
process.
(Long, 1996, p. 247)
“There may be no observation about
communication skills that is more fundamental,
and more far-reaching in its implications, than that
they are developed and refined over time through
implementation. Communication skills do not
appear instantaneously, fully developed, and
ready to be applied in persuading, comforting, or
undertanding others.”
(Greene & Burleson, 2003, p. 51)
Relationships
– basic guidelines for effective
interpersonal communication
Gather your thoughts and information
before you initiate communication.
Never approach someone to discuss a
topic when you are angry or upset.
Be prepared to give immediate, specific,
and honest feedback in any interaction.
Realize that if a message is important
enough for someone to verbalize, it is
probably important to him or her.
Take time to send messages carefully and
accurately to avoid misinterpretation.
Avoid trying to intimidate or pressure
someone into action.
Strive for consistency in dealing with
others.
Follow through on all commitments.
Admit your mistakes or take the blame
when you create problems.
Be ready to assist others.
Provide credit and praise when others
are responsible for successes.
Never criticize others in front of
someone.
Respect confidences when others
share information with you.
Judge people based on factors over
which they have control, not on ones
over which they do not (race, sex,
age, ethnicity, etc.)
(Lucas, 1994, pp. 14-15)
Case Study
You notice Alex has been very down lately,
lethargic, sleeping in class. This is not the
first year you have taught him and know
him as a very gregarious student, but also
a good student. Now he is not doing
homework, not participating in class…
What are you options?
What would you do?
Next Week
Communication Skills II:
Engaging the Adolescent
Group Facilitation:
Richard S
Dario A
Karen E
Katrina H
Andrea S
Alex M
Sources
Greene, J.O. and B.R. Burleson, ed. (2003). Handbook of
Communication and Social Interaction Skills. Mahwah, New
Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associate, Publishers
Hargie, O., ed. (2006). Handbook of Communication Skills, 3rd ed.
New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group.
Long, V.O. (1996). Communication Skills in Helping Relationships:
A Framework for Facilitating Personal Growth. Pacific Grove:
Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.
Lucas, R.W. (1994). Effective Interpersonal Relationships. New
York: McGraw-Hill
Mucchielli, R. Face to Face in the Counselling Interview Trining in
the human science: a course by Roger Mucchielli
http://www.in-themoment.com/workshop4.asp
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_88.htm
http://www.thecounsellorsguide.co.ukReproduced courtesy of
www.TheCounsellorsGuide.co.uk - a comprehensive guide for
counsellors