Transcript Holding Crucial Conversations

Holding Crucial Conversations
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Accountability and Communication
Create a supportive environment
Develop Mutual Purpose
Mutual Respect
Supportive Environment
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Look in the mirror
Understand your own style when under stress
Separate the person from the problem
Give the person you are addressing the
opportunity to have the conversation later
• The Four Agreements
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Be impeccable with your word
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t make assumptions
Always do your best
Passive Style
• Withhold information
• Avoiding
• Masking feelings
– Sarcasm
– Sugar coating
• Withdrawing
Aggressive Style
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Dominating the conversation
Forcing
Cutting others off
Overstating or embellishing
Speaking in absolutes
Labeling others as insignificant
Snide comments
Threatening
Belittling
Understand your stories
• Each individual may perceive the same
information differently based on their own
experiences
• Our actions and reactions are based on these
perceptions
• Understand the path to action
Ground Rules for Success
• Address the person you have a conflict with
directly – not through someone else
• Wait until everyone is calm
• Know your role – listener or speaker
• Validate what you hear when you are the
listener
• When speaking, speak only for yourself – not
others
Path to action
See/Hear
Tell a Story
Feel
Act
Using I Messages
• It allows defenses to be lowered
• It allows for communication of those essential
feelings
• Opens the door to more effective
communication
The formula for I messages:
When _____ happens, I feel _____ because
______. What I want or need is ______.
An example:
When you are late for work, I feel disrespected because I had to stay late.
What I would ask is that you be on time for work, and that you call me if
your are going to be late.
Write it down the first couple times!
Summary
• Effective management of conflict results in:
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Constructive airing of differences
Opportunities to develop creative solutions in a way that truly
engages people
Creates an opportunity for adaptive change
Increases the likelihood of cooperation
Increases levels of trust, personal safety and leads to respect for all
Leads further to a culture of trust, accountability and transparency