Transcript Communication and Communication Skills/ Part 2

Wellcome Science
www.wellcome.ac.uk/publications
Communication and
Communication Skills/
Part 2
Nataliya Lishchenko
Effective Communication Makes
Life Works!!!
Fundamental Communication Skills
What is Listening?
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listening: the process of receiving, constructing
meaning from, and responding to spoken
and/or nonverbal messages; to hear something
with thoughtful attention
Effective communication is 2-way
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depends on speaking and listening
Listening vs. Hearing
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Hearing- physical process; natural; passive
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Listening- physical & mental process; active;
learned process; a skill
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Listening is hard!
You must choose to participate in the
process of listening.
Fast Facts
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We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000
wpm
75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied
or forgetful
20% of the time, we remember what we hear
More than 35% of businesses think listening is a
top skill for success
Less than 2% of people have had formal
education with listening
Percentage of Communication
Mode of
Communication
Formal Years
of Training
Percentage of
Time Used
Writing
12 years
9%
Reading
6-8 years
16 %
Speaking
1-2 years
30%
Listening
0-few hours
45%
Why Be A Good Listener?
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To be recognized and
remembered
To feel valued
To feel appreciated
To feel respected
To feel understood
To feel comfortable
about a want or need
Listening promotes being heard
…”Seek first to understand, then
be understood.”
- Stephen Covey (Author of “Seven
Habits of Highly Effective People”)
Listening creates acceptance and
openness
…conveys the message that “I am
not judging you.”
Listening leads to learning
…openness encourages personal
growth and learning
Listening reduces stress and
tension
…minimizes confusion and
misunderstanding, eliminating
related stress and tension
Listening is CRITICAL in conflict
resolution
…much conflict comes from the
need to be heard. Successful
resolution depends on being a
non-anxious presence.
What kind of behavior do you do
when you’re not listening?
Listening Blocks:
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Comparing
Mind Reading
Rehearsing
Filtering
Judging
Dreaming
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Identifying
Advising
Sparring
Being Right
Derailing
Placating
Bad Listening Habits
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Criticizing the subject or the speaker
Getting over-stimulated
Listening only for facts
Not taking notes OR outlining everything
Tolerating or creating distraction
Letting emotional words block message
Wasting time difference between speed of speech and
speed of thought
Effective Listening
Four Steps to Effective Listening:
1. Active Listening
2. Listening with Empathy
3. Listening with Openness
4. Listening with Awareness
What is Active Listening?
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Active Listening means that you seeking to understand.
You make sure that you are getting the correct message
without passing judgment.
It includes
 “Opening the door” to good conversation
 Drawing out a speaker with questions
 Reflecting feeling that you hear and see
 Paraphrasing to capture content
Active Listening (4 Steps)
1.
2.
3.
4.
Listen
Question
Reflect-Paraphrase
Agree or desagree
Step 1: Listen
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To Feelings As Well As Words
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Focus on Speaker
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Don’t plan, speak, or get distracted
What Is Speaker Talking About?
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Words – Emotions -- Implications
Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others?
Look At Speaker
Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers
Step 2: Question
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3 Purposes
Demonstrates you are listening
 Gather information
 Clarification
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Open-ended
Tell me more?
 How did you feel?
 Then what happened?
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Probing with open-ended comments /
questions draws the speaker out
Ask to –
 Show interest
(I’d like to hear your
opinion on this.”
 Encourage more
explanation
(What do you think the
problem is?)
 Keep the person talking
(Tell me more…)
Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase
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Reflect What Is Said (In your words)
Reflect Feelings
Reframe
Capture the essence of the communication
 Remove negative framing
 Move toward problem solving
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You can paraphrase using such
lead-ins as:
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What I hear you saying is...
In other words...
So basically how you felt was...
Let me understand, what was going for you
was...
What happened was...
Do you mean...?
PARAPHRASE the speaker to
acknowledge the story and capture
the content.
CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to
put the message in your own words –
that’s active listening.
EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right.
You’re upset because you think we’re
going off in the wrong direction and you
want to clarify our objective before we write
this assignment. Is that right” OR
Try to paraphrase every time to
obtain these five dividends:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Peolpe deeply appreciate feeling heard
Paraphrasing stops escalating anger and cools down
crisis
Paraphrasing stops miscommunication. False
assumptions, errors, and misinterpretations are
corrected on the spot
Paraphrasing helps you remeber what was said
When you paraphrase you’ll find much harder to
compare, judge, rehearse, spar, advice, derail, dream,
and so on.
Step 4: Agree
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Get Speaker’s Consent to Your Reframing
Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It!
Solution Is Near!
Activity
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Speaker – talk for 2 min.
Listener – listen using the
skills we’ve discussed
You can paraphrase using such
lead-ins as:
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What I hear you saying is...
In other words...
So basically how you felt was...
Let me understand, what was going for you
was...
What happened was...
Do you mean...?
Giving a Feedback
3 important rules of giving feedback:
1. It has to be immediate
2. Honest
3. Supportive
Evaluating Speeches:
Being Compassionate in Criticizing
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evaluation approach:
start by saying
something positive
 focus on the speech,
not the speaker
 target your criticism*
 finish with saying a
positive words
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Listening With Empathy
“Everyone is trying to survive...”
You don’t have to like everyone or agree with
them, but recognize that you do share the same
struggle...
Every seconds of the day you are trying to survive
both phisically and psycologically...
Listening With Openness
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A scill you can learn
Behaive like an anthropologist talking with a
person from another planet or country, trying to
understand this person with his/her belives,
religion, customs
Do not judge
Listening with Awareness
2 components:
1. To compare what’s being said to your own
knowledge of history, people, and the way
things are
2. To hear and observe congruence
To be a Good Listener
People want you to listen, so they look for clues to prove
that you are.
1.
Maintain good eye contact.
2.
Lean slightly forward.
3.
Reinforce the speaker by nodding or paraphrasing
4.
Clarify by asking questions.
5.
Actively move away from distractions.
6.
Be committed, even if you’re angry or upset, to
understanding waht was said
For Couples:
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Use reciproctal communication – you can really
hear each other:
When you’re discussing a topic that is conflict
area for you, take turns being the speaker and
the listener, switching places after five minutes
When you are a speaker:
1.
2.
3.
Explain your point of view briefly
Avoid blaming and name calling. Don’t accuse
and don’t focus on your partner’s failings.
Talk in terms of yourself and your experience.
Focus on what you wnat and what you feel.
When you are the listener:
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Give your full attention so that you can really
understand youyr partner’s feelings, opinions,
and needs.
Don’t diagree, argue, or correct anything your
partner says.
You can ask questions to clarify an issue, but not
to dabate and make counterpoints.
So...what?
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Reciproctal communication can slow down
communication so that conflicts are less likely to
escalate while it promotes clarity about the
needs and feelings of each partner.
Thank You
And...
BE HAPPY
IN YOUR
LIVES!