Transcript reflective listening

Genuine Listening
by:
ELIZABETH LUMAYAG-CODILLA
3 Steps to Effective
Relationships:
1.Self Awareness (Sariling
Kamalayan)
2. Genuine Listening (Tutuong
Pakikinig)
(3. Peaceful Assertiveness
(Mapayapang Pag-aaserto)
Genuine Listening (GL) could
also be termed as ACTIVE
LISTENING, REFLECTIVE
LISTENING and EMPHATIC
LISTENING
Why Listen?
1. to obtain information
2. to understand
3.for enjoyment
Applicability or Utility
Peaceful Approaches:
Dialogue, mediation,
negotiation, even in ordinary
conversation discussion and
during meetings.
One of the reasons why we
listen is to UNDERSTAND
Native American Proverb:
“Seek first to understand and be
understood”
“Listen or thy tongue will make
you deaf”
Why? The deepest need for
every person is to be
understood.
Genuine Listening means you
should listen with your eyes, hearts
and ears.
• 7% of communication is
contained from words we use;
(so your ears are not enough)
• 53% of our communication
comes from body language;
• 40% from the tone
we project
Genuine Listening means
• not just hearing the words spoken
but/learn their meanings or understanding
the total meaning of the message sent.
• not only involves cutting of the thoughts in
our mind and focusing on the person,
but it involves not interrupting them while
they are talking.
Factors Affecting Listening
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Speaker
Subject Complexity
The active Listener-the center
Presentation
Environment
3 Common Communication Blocks
• We listen for what needs fixing,
changing or figuring out.
• We listen for opportunities to
share our own wisdom,
knowledge and competence.
• We assume that we know what
words and sentences are coming
next.
Important Elements in GL:
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Attentiveness
Show that you are listening
Provide feedback
Defer judgment
Respond appropriately
Description of a Genuine Listener
(Burley -Allen)
• Acknowledges the speaker-invites the
communication to continue
• Increase the speaker’s self-esteem and
confidence
• Tell the speaker, “you are important” and “I
am not judging you”
• Gain the speaker’s cooperation
• Reduces stress and tension
Description of a Genuine
Listener
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Build teamwork
Gain trust
Elicit openness
Gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and
Obtain more valid information about the
speaker and the subject
Helpful Behavior of a Listener and
its Effect to the Speaker
Behavior
1. Asks questions
2. Clarifies
feeling
3. Eye to eye contact
4. Mirrors facial
expression
5. Leans towards the
speaker
Effect
Feels happy
Gagaan and
Feels thankful
Opens up
Inspired
6. Affirms
7. Touches when
appropriate
8. Eyes show emotional
reaction
Feels respected
Feels calm
and
comfortable
Feels increase
selfconfidence
9. Repeats some words to
clarify
Feels loved
10. Shows concerns in
words and gestures
11. Shows focused
expression
12. Wait for the speaker to
finish before reacting
increases
self-confidence
Feels cool
feeling
gimahal
Non-helpful Behavior and
Effects
• Interrupts
• Laughs inappropriately
• Makes fun or magbiaybiay
• Eyes looking elsewhere
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Tataas and kilay
Walks away
Does something else
Fakes listening
-Feels challenged
-Feels insulted
- feel sad/insulted
-feels problem is
greater
-feels uninspired
-feels not respected
-feels frustrated
-loses interest to talk/
-will stop talking
says words to stop
the speaker
yawning
Blank face
Asks as if not
interested
shows irritation or
anger
-feels something
-wrong with self
-closes up
-loses interest to talk
-feel sad/feel not
important
-feels angry also/
challenged/sad
Skills of a Genuine Listener (Center
for Rural Studies)
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Attending, acknowledging
Restating, paraphrasing
Reflecting
Interpreting
Summarizing, synthesizing
Skills of a Genuine Listener (Cont.)
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Checking perception
supporting
Being quiet
Giving feedback
Probing
Benefits of Genuine Listening
• Builds trust and respect
• Enables disputants to release their
emotions
• Reduces tensions/cooler heads
• Encourages the surfacing of emotions
• Creates a safe environment that is
conducive to collaborative problem solving
• Confidence
Benefits of Genuine Listening
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Accuracy
Productivity
Listening has a healing effect
Self-worth of a person is reaffirmed
The person feels cared for and loved
Genuine communication is established
Benefits of Genuine Listening
• Children who really listen to their
parents work magic too
• Families that spend time to
interact are happy families
• A skill and a foundation to
effective communication
• A step to effective relationship
Our journey towards sustainable
peace, requires effective
communication and effective
relationship as important tools.
Therefore, genuine listening is a
gift. The most important present
that we can give to our spouse,
children, friends, relatives, coworkers and neighbors.
THANK YOU