Transcript Communication

Levels of Communication
in our Daily Lives
Levels of Communication “SPV”
Superficial
Communication making up the
majority of our communication.
Talking about the weather,
Personal
home, school, food, etc.
Communication involving
opening up and talking about
feelings, beliefs and opinions
that mean something to you.
Validating
Communication reinforcing
people’s feelings about
themselves.
Levels of Communication
• Event
Superficial
• Influence
Personal
• Personal Quality
Validating
• Compliment
Levels of Communication Questions
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6.
Can a relationship remain stable for an extended period of
time if they communicate in a superficial state? Why?
Which levels of communication must a relationship strive
for in order to grow? Why?
Which was more difficult to share in group? Events,
Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why?
What are some reactions that occurred in your group?
Explain why these occurred.
Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and
compliments.
Why would you communicate superficially?
Reasons for keeping Communication
Superficial:
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I may be hurt.
I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
They will misinterpret what I say.
They won’t be receptive
It will put our relationship at risk.
I will be out on a limb and won’t be
supported.
http://www.mnadr.state.mn.us/workplace/pdf/Keepcomm.pdf
What Validation Is
• To validate someone's feelings is first to
accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to
understand them, and finally it is to nurture
them.
Basic Steps to Validation
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Acknowledging the other person's feelings
Identifying the feelings
Offering to listen
Helping them label the feelings
Being there for them; remaining present physically
and emotionally
• Feeling patient
• Feeling accepting and non-judgmental
Communication
Styles
• Touch
• Hugging, holding hands, physically close
• Verbal
• Sharing one’s feelings, listening, heart-toheart talks, caring words
• Task
• Achievement, accomplishments, hard work,
status, things
Destructive Communication
Blaming
 Interrupting
 Endless Fighting
 Character Assassination
 Calling in Reinforcements
 Withdrawal
 Need to be Right

• Blaming – Shifting responsibility for your
actions to some or something else.
• Interrupting – Talking over someone while
they are talking or changing the subject to
distract the conversation.
• Endless Fighting – Arguments that never
end. Bring up the old issues that have
nothing to do with what’s happening now.
• Character Assassination – Name calling,
belittling comments about sensitive
subjects, and insulting remarks. (Sarcasm)
• Calling In Reinforcements – Involves
outsiders in your personal relationships and
quarrels.
• Withdrawal – Withdrawing from a
communication or avoiding conversations
• Need to be right – Not willing to look at the
situation from another person’s point of
view
Constructive Communication
“I” Messages
 Clarity
 Timing
 Asking Questions
 Reflective Listening
 Respect and Consideration
 Avoiding Intense Anger

• “I” Messages – State the feelings and
thoughts you are having at the time of
communication. Lets others know how you
feel without making people defensive.
• Clarity – Meaning what you say and then
saying what you mean. Problem is
interpretation. (Sarcasm)
• Timing – Select a good time to do your
important communicating.
Asking Questions – People seldom say what
they really mean the first time.
Reflective Listening –Where the listener
mirrors back thoughts and/or feelings the
speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to
clarify.
Practice
Sending “I”
Messages
1.Father wants to read the paper. Child keeps
climbing on his lap. Father is irritated.
“You” message: “You shouldn’t ever
interrupt someone when he is reading.”
“I” message: ______________________
2.Mother using vacuum cleaner. Child keeps
pulling plug out of socket. Mother is in a
hurry.
“You” message: “You’re being naughty.”
“I” message:______________________
3. Child comes to table with very dirty hands and face.
“You” message: “You’re not being a responsible big
boy. That’s what a little baby might do.
“I” message: ___________________________
4. Child keeps postponing going to bed. Mother and Dad
want to talk about a private problem of concern for
them. Child keeps hanging around preventing them
from talking.
“You” message: “You know it’s past your bedtime.
You are just trying to annoy us. You need your sleep.”
“I” message:__________________________
5. Child pleads to be taken to a movie but he has not
cleaned up his room for several days, a job he agreed
to do.
“You” message: “You don’t deserve going to a
movie when you have been so inconsiderate and
selfish.”
“I” message: ___________________________
6. Child has been sulking and acting sad all day.
Mother doesn’t know the reason.
“You” message: “Come on now, stop this sulking.
Either brighten up or you’ll have to go outside and
sulk. You’re taking something too serious.”
“I’ message: ___________________________
7. Child is playing the stereo so loud it is interfering with
the parent’s conversation in the next room.
“You” message: “Can’t you be more considerate of
others? Why do you play that stereo so loud?”
“I” message:___________________________
8. Child promised to iron napkins to be used for dinner
party. During the day she dawdled, now it’s one hour
before the guests arrive and she has not started the job.
“You” message: “You have fallen down on your job.
How can you be so thoughtless and irresponsible?”
“I” message: _____________________________
1. Which type of communication do you feel
we use most often?
(Destructive/Constructive)
2. EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER
Listening Blocks
• I must defend my position.
• I’m looking for an entrance into
the conversation.
• I don’t have time to listen to you.
• I already know what you have to
say.
• I know what you should do.
Active Listening
• Open-ended questions
• Closed: Are you feeling bad today?
• Open: How are you feeling today?
• Reflection (paraphrasing)
Non-Verbal Communication
• Kinesics refers to the study of non-verbal
communication.
• Kinesics accounts for approximately 55% of
our communication.
• Kinesics is sometimes referred to as “Body
Language”
• GIVE SOME BODY LANGUAGE CLUES
YOU KNOW
Territory/Space
Zones
• We all mark our own territory.
• Creating personal space limits
• Spreading coats, books, etc.
Space
Personal Zone
Public Zone
18” – 4’
12’ and up
Social Zone
4’ – 12’
Intimate Zone
Touching – 18”