Transcript FIGHTING WORDS - DifferenceMakers

Languaging
for
Leadership
Choosing words that work better.
Ancient Wise Saying
Be careful of your WORDS because
your words become your thoughts. Be
careful of your THOUGHTS because
your thoughts become your actions.
Be careful of your actions because they
create your HABITS. Be careful of
your habits because they create your
CHARACTER. Be careful of your
character because it creates your
DESTINY!
How Human
Communication
Works
Self- Talk
Personal pictures
 Filled in details

Myths and Truths
MYTH

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
 Body
language
 Inflection
 Facial expression
 Timing
Truth
Those things do matter BUT the most subtle
and devastating block to communication
may well be the actual words you choose to
use.
All Humans Have
Filters and Habitual,
Conditioned
Responses to EVERY
WORD.
How the Brain
Works In
Communication
Filters
Affective
 Effective

Cultural Differences
Status indicators
 Gestures
 Appropriate body language
 Reactions to each word

Gender
Differences

Gender -Men and women use language
differently
 Independence

trust
Words translate into pictures
emotional responses
 memories

Word Selection – “Languaging.”
There are choices between words in every
situation.
 Be aware of the intrinsic meanings attached
to each word.
 Choosing wisely.
 Avoid FIGHTING WORDS & PHRASES

Fighting Words!
Don’t

People can’t don’t. Tell them WHAT YOU
WANT TO HAVE HAPPEN
Failing
F –finding
 A –an
 I – important
 L –lesson
 I –inviting
 N-needed
 G-growth

Try

Depend on it!
Problem
Opportunity
 Challenge
 Situation

Change
Improve
 Build

But

And
Can't
Won't
 Can't YET

Wrong



Not what I would do
Different
Interesting
Bad


uncomfortable
interesting
Should and Should Have
Next time
 Next time I’ll

Bored

Make different choices
Phrases that block
communication
My BAD

Next time I’ll…
That’s stupid



That’s interesting
That’s different
What an unusual idea or action
No!
Oh, no thank you.
 Have you considered?
 Thanks for thinking of me and…
 Not at this time. Thank you.

I Hate


I don't understand ……
I do not enjoy ……
This is how it is


What if we………..?
Is it possible that …..?
The problem is


Here's what we could do
As I see it
You never
It appears you seldom……
 I don’t remember seeing ….

You Always


sometimes I think you…
often it looks like you…
Listen to me!

Consider this, please
You Said
I heard…
 I think you said…
 Did you say?

Yes, BUT
Please consider…
 That might be true. Have you considered…
 No thank you.
 NO, I don't think so.

The Problem IS
The challenge we face is …
 Here is how I see the opportunity…
 The situation is…

Don't let me catch you
State what you want to happen
They said

Be specific about who said it or what the
circumstances were when you heard it.
You! (accusatory)
Human Beings…
 Many people…
 I have been known to…

We'll see
Yes
 No
 I am not sure
 I will get back to you by……

Let’s deal with this later.

Pick the time
We tried that already
Didn’t we try that?
 What did we learn last time?

It’s too complicated
We need to break this down to simpler tasks
 I think it only looks complicated. Let’s see.

It will never work

We ‘re the only ones who could possibly
make this work.
I can not get to it right now!

We are on the same team and I promise I am
doing everything I can to get to you
Why did you?
What reaction were you expecting when
you?
 Help me understand…….
 How did you think we would react when….

Languaging IS a choice
Use your words to
maximize your
effectiveness.
Remember it takes a 21
days to make or break a
habit and changing your
word pattern will not occur
overnight.
But you can do it!!!
Good luck.