Transcript Clear and Concise

Clear Writing for College Students
and Wordy Emailers
Readers do not like wordy sentences—they’re
frustrating, confusing, and unnecessary
(especially in emails)
Teachers:
Are you assigning informational texts/units?
• Why should you?
 Evaluating information reaches Bloom’s
highest Level: (6.Evaluate/Create)
 Students need to summarize and
paraphrase, not just M.C. tests
How to grade students’ writing?
What is College Level Writing?

•
•
Clear and Concise
Fewer words the better but
maintain the sentence’s
meaning (ACT skill)
Avoid a string of
prepositional phrases (3 at the
most)
•
Avoid Wordy Phrases
•
Active Verb Choice (avoid
excessive use of “to be” verbs)—
annotation verbs instead

Accurate
•
Summarize and Paraphrase
•
Proof students understand
the material (Reading
Comprehension)
•
Teachers: assign
assessments that require
evaluation from the
students, not just
memorization
What is a preposition?
Word that sits before a noun (or pronoun)
to show the noun’s relationship to another word
in the sentence (don’t say: Where you at?)
The squirrel (noun) ran around the tree (noun).
Around gives the relationship between the tree and the squirrel
Something a squirrel can do to a tree:
towards, past, of, about,…
around, through,
Why would you use too many?
• You have a lot of information you want to put
into one sentence (summarizing or emails).
• You should spread that information over
several other sentences and paragraphs.
• Look at the all the information in the following
sample:
Prepositional Phrases
As a matter of fact, the article is claiming
our society needs new programs with Huh?
more funding to the recipients of the
program for their needs of food, shelter,
and clothing so the homeless will be
taken off the streets for their safety, wellbeing, and other stuff that pops up that
the directors will need to handle with the
new funding.
Were you Right?
As a matter of fact, the article is claiming
our society needs new programs with more
funding to the recipients of the program for
their needs of food, shelter, and clothing so
the homeless will be taken off the streets for
their safety, well-being, and other stuff that
pops up that the directors will need to
handle with the new funding.

(61 words, 8 prep phrases. Isn’t that wordy? Keep it at 3 or fewer)
Even Uglier: Look at it this Way
As a matter
of fact, the article is claiming our society needs new programs
with more funding
to the recipients
of the program
for their needs
of food, shelter, and clothing so the homeless will be taken off the streets
for their safety, well-being, and other stuff that pops up that the directors will need to handle
with the new funding.
(Can you rewrite with one prep phrase, fewer than 20
words, and maintain the sentence’s meaning? If so, you
can write on a college level.)
Lose the Wordy Phrases
As a matter of fact
Actually
Due to the fact that
Because
In light of the fact that
Because
Now
at the present time
Always
at all times
Today/nowadays
this day and age
Can
has the ability to
Shorten Verb Phrases, Verb Usage, and
Keep Them Active
…is claiming…
…needs…
…will be taken off...
…pops up…
…will need to handle…
…the article claims…
…needs…
…removed…
…appears/presents…
…handle…
My New Sentence
Actually, the article claims new and
properly funded programs will provide all
of the homeless population’s needs.
(17 words and 1 prep phrase)
or
…provide everything the homeless need.
(15 words and 0 prep phrases)
Has the meaning of the sentence changed?
What about Style and Voice?

Over the river and through the woods to
grandmother’s house we go.


No—Gatsby turned out all right at
the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby,
what foul dust floated in the wake of
his dreams that temporarily closed
out my interest in the abortive
sorrows and short-winded elations of
men.
We’re taking the scenic
drive to grandma’s
house?

No—Gatsby developed
nicely; witnessing his behavior
nearly ruined my belief in
mankind, though.
Do not sacrifice concise and clear writing to establish voice
and style. Only great novelists can do that.
Email Needs Clear, Concise
Language Too
85% of internet users use email vs. 62% use social media (Professional World)
Business is done through email more than any other means of communication
3 Common Questions asked before reading an email:
1. Who is emailing me?
2. What does he/she want?
3. How long will this take?
Do your emails pass these questions?
“I don’t think I got that email.” (Yes, I did. I deleted it when I saw its
length.)
Source: Gregory Ciotti (marketer and blogger of behavioral psychology)
3-B Plan
3-B Plan:
1. Brevity (Use as few as words as possible—you now know how to do this)
Keep subject lines brief and on topic
Do Not Reply in the subject line = Do Not Open
Address the Person—people like seeing their name
2. Blunt (get to the point of why the email should be read—no jokes)
Get down to business in the first line
Tell (Don’t Show) how recipient will benefit
Thank recipient for his/her time
3. Basic (don’t make me display images or open attachments every single
time)
Sample Email:
Subject: Presentation
Mr. Wojciechowski,
Your presentation changed my life. Will you put in on
your website so I can review it?
Thanks for your time.
SHS Student