Transcript Word Choice for College Students

Word Choice for College Students
Readers do not like long, wordy sentences—
they’re frustrating, confusing, and unnecessary
What is College Level Writing?

Clear and Concise

Accurate
•
Fewer words the better but maintain
the sentence’s meaning (ACT skill)
•
Summarizing (analysis, evaluate, create)
•
Avoid a string of prepositional phrases
(3 at the most)
•
Paraphrasing (analysis, evaluate,
•
Avoid Wordy Phrases
•
Active Verb Choice (avoid excessive
use of “to be” verbs); minimal (if any)
Passive Voice usage
•
Avoid vague language: there
is/are/were/have been/will be,
“things,” “stuff”
•
Distracting Errors (grammar):
punctuation (splice), run-on, etc.
create)
•
Can’t do either without
Reading Comprehension
•
Ask your teachers to assign
some summary writing
What is a preposition?
Word that sits before a noun (or pronoun)
to show the noun’s relationship to another word
in the sentence
The squirrel (noun) ran around the tree (noun).
Something a squirrel can do to a tree:
towards, past, of, about,…
around, through,
Why would you use too many?
• You have a lot of information you want to put
into one sentence (spread the information
over other sentences and paragraphs).
• You did not revise your writing (likely reason).
• Look at this wordy sample:
Prepositional Phrases
As a matter of fact, the article is claiming
our society needs new programs with Huh?
more funding to the recipients of the
program for their needs of food, shelter,
and clothing so the homeless will be
taken off the streets for their safety, wellbeing, and other stuff that pops up that
the directors will need to handle with the
new funding.
Were you Right?
As a matter of fact, the article is claiming
our society needs new programs with more
funding to the recipients of the program for
their needs of food, shelter, and clothing so
the homeless will be taken off the streets for
their safety, well-being, and other stuff that
pops up that the directors will need to
handle with the new funding.

(61 words, 8 prep phrases. Isn’t that wordy? Keep it at 3 or fewer)
Even Uglier: Look at it this Way
As a matter
of fact, the article is claiming our society needs new programs
with more funding
to the recipients
of the program
for their needs
of food, shelter, and clothing so the homeless will be taken off the streets
for their safety, well-being, and other stuff that pops up that the directors will need to handle
with the new funding.
(Can you rewrite with one prep phrase, fewer than 20
words, and maintain the sentence’s meaning? If so, you
can write on a college level.)
Lose the Wordy Phrases
As a matter of fact
Actually
Due to the fact that
Because
In light of the fact that
Because
Now
at the present time
Always
at all times
Today/nowadays
this day and age
Can
has the ability to
Shorten Verb Phrases, Verb Usage, and
Keep Them Active
…is claiming…
…needs…
…will be taken off...
…pops up…
…will need to handle…
…the article claims…
…needs…
…removed…
…appears/presents…
…handle…
My New Sentence
Actually, the article claims new and
properly funded programs will provide all
of the homeless population’s needs.
(17 words and 1 prep phrase)
or
…provide everything the homeless need.
(15 words and 0 prep phrases)
Has the meaning of the sentence changed?
Spring 2016: Tied the Record?
Until the policy was repealed in 2009, federal funds were
not available for research on stem cells extracted after the
policy was put in place, and only limited funds available
for research on stem cells that had already been
extracted.
Words: 40
Wordy Phrases: 0
Verb Choice (“to be” usage): 4
Preps: 7 or 8?
Passive Voice: 3
Huh?
Verb Choice #2
Avoid Passive Voice: “to be” (am, is are, was, were, has/have/had been, will be, will have been, being ) +
past participle verb that typically ends in –ed (argued, claimed, proposed, paid, driven)
*Why? It is less direct, forceful, concise, may cause confusion, and it signals sloppy/lazy writing.*
Example: Women were not treated as equals. (By whom? I don’t feel the force here. Or context.)
Revision: During the Constitutional Convention, the founders treated women unequally.
When to use it:
1. You do not know who performed the action—Who treated the women this way?
• Example: All of the chicken wings were eaten before I returned from the bathroom. (By whom?)
2. You do not want to reveal who performed the action.
• Example: Word choice mistakes were made by many of you. (By whom? I don’t want to be rude.)
*3. To emphasize the receiver of the action rather than the performer—Keep Women at the beginning???
• Example: Women were not treated as equals by the Founding Fathers. (focuses on women, not the
founders; would Schwartz accept this P.V. usage?)
P.V. Conclusion: Needing Passive Voice in College Writing should be a rare occurrence (maybe #3).
Instead, use annotation verbs and keep them active.
Vague Language: things, stuff
*Why not use it: “things” can be a lot of things so tell the reader what that thing is instead
(strong vocabulary)*
• Example: Progress is accepting things that are new or out of the norm (12 words).
• Revision: Accepting new developments equals progress (5 words).
Best?
• Example: School planners should take stuff like acoustics, ventilation, and comfort into
account in addition to functionality and layout (18 words).
• Revision: Besides functionality and layout, school planners should consider factors like
acoustics, ventilation, and comfort (14 words).
Or
• Revision: Besides functionality and layout, school planners should consider acoustics,
ventilation, and comfort (12 words).
Vague Language: there is/are/were…
*Why not use it: phrase takes up valuable space that could be used by actual nouns and active verbs*
• There is nothing wrong with citizens believing such things as long as they do not negatively affect society
(17 words).
• As long as they do not negatively affect society, there is nothing wrong with citizens believing such things.
*Ask yourself: What is this sentence about? Put that at the front of the sentence/clause.*
Best?
• Revision: Citizens’ beliefs should not negatively affect society (7 words).
• With contradicting statements from each author, there is an obvious gray area in answer to the validity
of the disease (20 words).
• Revision: Without consensus, the disease’s validity remains ambiguous (7).
Great line!
Distracting Errors Hurt Clarity
Commas: Independent sentences, Items (Oxford), Introductory statements, Interrupters (appositives, nonessential), and Interjections = the 5 Is
1. *Independent: placing a comma between independent sentences without FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but,
or, yet, so) is an embarrassing error called a Splice
• Example: Partridge theorizes moral absolutism cannot work whether religiously fundamental or
secular, no specific universal definition of right and wrong exists. (period, semicolon, conjunction)
2. Items: use the oxford comma (3 items = 2 commas): Brad, Mike and Todd are terrible teachers.
3. *Introductions need a comma (SCM: after, although, because, since, until, while, etc.)
4. *Interrupters need commas around interruptions/additional information
D.E.
5. Interjections with weak emotion: Hello, how are you? Whoa, I figured it out. Wow, what a great
presentation. (Wow!) probably won’t Interject much in college papers.
*Side note: knowing how to use commas, colons, semicolons, and dashes = sentence variety*
What about Style and Voice?

Over the river and through the woods to
grandmother’s house we go.


No—Gatsby turned out all right at
the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby,
what foul dust floated in the wake of
his dreams that temporarily closed
out my interest in the abortive
sorrows and short-winded elations of
men.
We’re taking the scenic
drive to grandma’s
house?

No—Gatsby developed
nicely; witnessing his behavior
nearly ruined my belief in
mankind, though.
Do not sacrifice concise and clear writing to establish voice
and style. Only great novelists can do that.
So What?
Revise: when you don’t, you’ll make these word choice errors
Revise #2: can’t fix something until you write it down (don’t procrastinate)
Revise #3: the first word you choose, sentence/paragraph you write will not be your best writing
Revise #4: You are your editor, not your English teacher
Word Choice for College Writers: You Revise Your
Writing Until It’s Clear, Concise, and Accurate
Great line!