Transcript Persuade to Revise Vicki Horton TBAWP (`98) Pasco`s Writing Well

Persuade to Revise
Vicki Horton
TBAWP (‘98)
Pasco’s Writing Well Workshop
June 2011
Draft a piece of writing
persuading someone to
revise a policy, procedure, or
rule.
(i.e. merit pay, off-shore drilling, over paying athletes, etc.)
Goal - To convince someone to revisit
their idea(s) and make changes.
Core Standards - Language Arts 8
1.
Write arguments to support claims with clear reasons
and relevant evidence.
4.
Produce clear and coherent writing in which the
development, organization, and style are appropriate to
task, purpose, and audience.
5.
With some guidance and support from peers and adults,
develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning,
revising, editing, rewriting, or trying a new approach, focusing
on how well purpose and audience have been addressed.
“If children are told to revise, it usually leads to corrected spelling and
punctuation. We need to teach that revision means “to see again.”
– Donald Graves, Writing: Teachers and Children at Work
If a teacher told me to revise, I thought that meant my
writing was a broken-down car that needed to go to the
repair shop. I felt insulted. I didn't realize the teacher was
saying, "Make it shine. It's worth it." Now I see revision as
a beautiful word of hope. It's a new vision of something. It
means you don't have to be perfect the first time. What a
relief!
Naomi
Shihab
Nye
Revision - WTF?
(Where’s The Focus)
Revising without focus is like
swimming in the ocean with no
land in sight, without help you’re
bound to drown.
Let there be light.
Begin at the beginning - the Lead.
Leads are magic flashlights that shine down through a story
showing the writer what to put in and what to leave out.
John McPhee
Jump into the middle of your piece
and leave the reader wanting
more.
And suddenly everything stops.
Runa
Alison James
Every so often that dead dog dreams me up
again.
Dog Heaven
Stephanie Vaughn
Create a picture in the
reader’s mind
Abraham Lincoln wasn’t the sort of man who could
lose himself in a crowd. After all, he stood 6 foot
4 inches tall, and to top it off he wore a high silk hat.
His height was mostly in his long bony legs, and when
He sat in a chair he seemed no taller than anyone
else. It was only when he stood up that he towered
about other men.
Lincoln: a photobiography
Russell Freedman
Start with a line or
two of dialogue.
“Where is Papa going with that ax?” said Fern
to her mother as they were setting the table
for breakfast.
Charlotte’s Web
E. B. White
Begin with a thought inside
a character or you.
Mother taught me to be polite to dragons. Particularly
polite, I mean; she taught me to be ordinarily polite to
everyone. Well, it makes sense. With all the enchanted
princess and disguised wizards and transformed kings
and so on wandering around, you never know whom
you might be talking to. But dragons are a special case.
Talking to Dragons
Patricia C. Wrede
Set up expectations, then
surprise the reader.
I would like to die peacefully in my sleep like my
Grandfather, not terrified and screaming like the
other people in the car.
Prairie Home Companion
Garrison Keillor
Set up the action for the whole
action for the piece in a few
sentences.
This is not a book about my life or yours. It does not
hold the secret to success or salvation. It won’t
strengthen your self-esteem. I don’t think it will get
me on Oprah.
I’m Dysfunctional, You’re Dysfunctional
Wendy Kaminer
Shine the light on your piece
of writing. Revise your lead.
Try one of the suggestions
shared.
Add energy, interest, and
precision to your writing with
Vivid
Verbs
Substitute
Vivid Verbs
for
common verbs
Examples
The runaway took the purse from the lady in the subway station.
The runaway grabbed the purse from the lady in the subway station.
My eighth grade science class made volcanoes out of clay.
My eighth grade science class constructed volcanoes out of clay.
With no idea in mind, I walked around the neighborhood for hours.
With no idea in mind, I meandered around the neighborhood for hours.
Mrs. Jones said, “Your essay expresses a good deal of thought.”
Mrs. Jones remarked, “Your essay expresses a good deal of thought.”
Eliminate
“Be” Verbs
from your
Writing.
Replace the “be” verb with
a better, more energetic
verb.
Andrew was close to the ice cream truck.
Andrew stood close to the ice cream truck.
Eliminate the “be” verb by
combining sentences that are
related.
I am away from the edge of the cliff.
It is very dangerous because of the falling rocks.
I stood away from the edge of the cliff because of
the dangerous falling rocks.
Eliminate the “be” verb by
rewording the sentence.
I am a very responsible person because I take care of
my money and my school grades.
Taking care of my money and my school grades, I
consider myself a responsible teen.
Use Vivid Verbs
Revise your piece
of writing by adding
Vivid Verbs.
The first draft reveals
the art,
revision reveals the
artist.
Michael Lee
Revision pays great dividends!
Now,
polish your piece
and
publish it.
References
Lane, B. (1999). Reviser’s Toolbox. Vermont: Discover Writing Press
Caskey, J. (2005). ElaborWrite Method : Teaching Students to elaborate writing.
Florida:ElaborWrite, LLC