Transcript class presentation

Your Reactions to the
Editing Assignment?
• What was hard?
• What was easy?
• Was it a useful exercise?
– Is there a way for me to tailor the assignment to
make it more useful?
• What did you learn?
• Last thoughts…
Conciseness and the
“Paramedic Method”
May 23, 2012
Source for this presentation:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/1/
Conciseness
• Use the most effective words.
• Use not necessarily the fewest words, but the
strongest ones.
• Look for weak or unnecessary words that can be
replaced or eliminated.
– Interrogate every word in a sentence.
– Combine sentences when they seem to convey much of
the same material.
Like bad employees, words that don't accomplish
enough should be fired.
Combine Multiple Sentences
that Say the Same Thing
• Multiple sentences that say the same thing and
can be combined/shortened
– We have had several hour-long conversations with our
TAs who sit in the back of the class, near our bench, to
supervise the lab. During long periods of waiting for
talking about proteins to incubate or gels to run, we
often sit and chat with them.
– I’d rephrase to shorten: We’ve had several hour-long
conversations with our TAs who sit in the back of the
class, near our bench, to supervise the lab, talking
about proteins to incubate or gels to run.
• Move from general sitting around to specifics of
conversation, not losing any information.
• Reduce word count (44 to 32 words) and make it easier to
understand.
Eliminating Words
• Eliminate words when they explain the
obvious or provide excessive detail.
• Eliminate unnecessary determiners and
modifiers.
Words that Often
Can Be Eliminated
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kind of
sort of
type of
really
basically
currently
for all intents and purposes
definitely
actually
generally
individual
specific
particular
needless to say, it goes without saying
Omit Redundant Pairs
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past memories
various differences
each individual _______
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
free gift
past history
unexpected surprise
sudden crisis
Omit Redundant Categories:
Eliminate the General Category,
Leave the Descriptive Word
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large in size
often times
of a bright color
heavy in weight
period in time
round in shape
at an early time
economics field
of cheap quality
honest in character
of an uncertain condition
in a confused state
unusual in nature
extreme in degree
of a strange type
Changing Phrases
• Change phrases into single words and adjectives.
– The department showing the best performance (6
words) vs.
– The best-performing department (4 words)
• Change unnecessary that, who, which clauses
into phrases.
– The report, which was released recently, … (6 words)
– The recently released report… (4 words)
• Change passive to active verbs.
Avoid Common Pitfalls
• Expletives at beginning of the sentence.
– Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there +
be-verb.
• It is imperative that we find a solution.
• We must find a solution.
• Noun forms of verbs.
• Unnecessary infinitive phrases.
– Wordy: The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail
and to record it. (15 words)
– Concise: A clerk checks and records all incoming mail. (8
words)
Avoid Circumlocutions
in Favor of Direct Expressions
• Circumlocutions: Commonly used, roundabout
expressions that take several words to say what could
be said more succinctly.
– Use "because," "since," "why" instead of…
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the reason for
for the reason that
owing/due to the fact that
in light of the fact that
considering the fact that
on the grounds that
this is why
– Use "when" instead of…
• on the occasion of
• in a situation in which
• under circumstances in which
Use the “Paramedic Method”
to Edit Your Writing
• It reduces word count by eliminating
unnecessary words.
• It activates your sentences by eliminating
passive voice and redundancies.
The 7 Steps of the
Paramedic Method of Editing
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Circle prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into).
Draw a box around the "is" verb forms.
Ask: "Where's the action?"
Change the "action" into a simple verb.
Move the doer into the subject (who's influencing
whom). (Like subject + verb + object.)
• Eliminate any unnecessary “slow wind-ups.”
• Eliminate redundancies.
Example of Paramedic Method
Now Let’s Edit These Examples
as a Class
• The point I wish to make is that the employees
working at this company are in need of a much
better manager of their money.
• It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia
Labs have become active participants in the
Search and Rescue operations in most years.
• After reviewing the results of your previous
research, and in light of the relevant information
found within the context of the study, there is
ample evidence for making important, significant
changes to our operating procedures.
Example Concise Solutions
• The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this
company are in need of a much better manager of their money.
– Employees at this company need a better money manager. (Original
word count: 26. New word count: 10).
• It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become
active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most
years.
– In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have participated in the
Search and Rescue operations. (Original word count: 24. New word
count: 16).
• After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of
the relevant information found within the context of the study,
there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes
to our operating procedures.
– After reviewing the results of your research, and within the context of
the study, we find evidence supporting significant changes in our
operating procedures. (Original word count: 36. New word count: 25).