Transcript Improving Sentence Concision and Coherence

Improving Sentence
Concision and Coherence
How does making sentence
concise and coherent improve
your argument?
Two Strategies
The Paramedic Method
Cutting Clutter
The Paramedic Method
The Paramedic Method
Developed by Richard Lanham, the
paramedic method is a set of clear steps
for analyzing and revising wordy
sentences.
Writers use the paramedic method to
improve clarity and readability so that
their meaning is communicated concisely
and effectively.
The Paramedic Method
• Circle the prepositions and underline
the prepositional phrases.
• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.
• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is
kicking who?” Put a box around
nominalizations.
• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not
compound) active verb. Write the
nominalization as an active verb.
Step 1
• Circle the prepositions and underline
the prepositional phrases.
• Original
The grant proposals reviews were read
by the students.
Step 2
• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.
• Original
The grant proposals reviews were read
by the students.
“To be” verbs are conjugations of “to be”: am, is, are, was, were, be,
being, been
Step 3
• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is
kicking who?” Put a box around
nominalizations.
• Original
The grant proposal reviews were read
by the students.
Step 4
• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not
compound) active verb. Write the
nominalization as an active verb.
• Original
The grant proposal reviews were read
by the students.
• Revision
• The students reviewed the grant
proposals.
Lard Content
• Number of words removed: 3
• Number of words in original sentence: 9
• 3/9= 33%
Practice
• On your graded argument, use colored
pencils or highlighters to mark your
draft.
• Follow the guidelines on the next slide
for practicing the paramedic method..
The Paramedic Method
• Circle the prepositions and underline
the prepositional phrases.
• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.
• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is
kicking who?” Put a box around
nominalizations.
• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not
compound) active verb. Write the
nominalization as an active verb.
Cut the Clutter
1. Avoid empty sentence openers.
• Avoid expletives--There is, There are,
and There were--as sentence openers
when There adds nothing to the meaning of
a sentence:
Wordy: There is a prize in every box of
Quacko cereal.
Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko
cereal.
Wordy: There are two security guards at the
gate.
Revised: Two security guards stand at the
gate.
Step 1:
• Circle all the expletives at the beginning
of your sentences.
• Revise to eliminate the expletives.
2. Don't Overwork Modifiers
• Do not overwork very, really, totally, and
other modifiers that add little or nothing to the
meaning of a sentence.
Wordy: By the time she got home, Ashley
was very tired.
Revised: By the time she got home, Ashley
was exhausted
Wordy: She was also really hungry.
Revised: She was also famished.
Step 2:
• Put a triangle around common
modifiers.
• Revise to use a fresh, precise word.
3. Replace Vague Nouns
• Replace vague nouns (such as area, aspect,
case, factor, manner, situation, something,
thing, type, and way) with more specific
words--or eliminate them altogether.
Wordy: After reading several things in
the area of psychology-type subjects, I
decided to put myself in a situation where I
might change my major.
Revised: After reading several psychology
books, I decided to change my major.
Step 3:
• Put a star by vague nouns.
• Think of three or four more precise
terms to use in place of the vague
nouns.
• Pick the most precise.
4. Cut Empty Phrases
• Some of the most common
phrases mean little, if
anything, and should be cut
from our writing:
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
all things being equal
all things considered
as a matter of fact
as far as I am concerned
at the end of the day
at the present time
due to the fact that
for all intents and
purposes
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
for the most part
for the purpose of
in a manner of speaking
in my opinion
in the event of
in the final analysis
it seems that
the point that I am trying to make
type of
what I am trying to say
what I want to make clear
Step 4:
• Look for the empty
phrases and strike
through each in your
essay.
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
all things being equal
all things considered
as a matter of fact
as far as I am concerned
at the end of the day
at the present time
due to the fact that
for all intents and purposes
for the most part
for the purpose of
in a manner of speaking
in my opinion
in the event of
in the final analysis
it seems that
the point that I am trying to
make
– type of
– what I am trying to say
– what I want to make clear