Transcript File
Observation Portraying People, Places, and Things Elements of Description • • • • • • • • Sensory Details Strong Active Verbs Status/Telling Details Literary Devices Dominant Impression Comparisons Vantage Point Organization Method #1 Sensory Details . . . • The best descriptive writing paints objects through the use of more than just sight. More Than Just Meets the Eye • If, in describing an apple . . the writer includes the aroma of the apple (if it had one), • …..or a sense of what the apple’s skin might feel like, • ….or even if the writer imagines the possible taste of an apple, • Then the description of the apple becomes even more specific and memorable. • The more a writer can capture an object through senses such as sound, smell, touch, and even taste, the more vivid and unique the writer’s description becomes. • Always to try to see past the obvious. • Think of an iceberg. Only 1/8 of it is above the surface. That’s where the term ‘tip of the iceberg’ comes from. You MUST look below the surface. • And this most certainly includes observing not only the visual qualities of something, but attempting to perceive it through all five senses. Let’s Take a Look . . . I looked around. The yellow paint was peeling off the walls in strips and bubbles, exposing the grayish wall beneath. The battered, deep brown wood floors were stained in several places with rust-colored smears. They looked like old blood. Dust webs floated in the air, attached to the ceiling and fixtures somewhere in the shadows above my head. There was another door on the other side of the room, cracked open a few inches, but I couldn't see what was beyond it. What’s Different Here? I stepped into the room and coughed at the musty, mildewy smell that felt like it was already clogging my throat. I looked around. The yellow paint was peeling off the walls in strips and bubbles, exposing the grayish wall beneath. The battered, deep brown wood floors creaked as I stepped farther in. There were stains in several places on the wood, rust-colored smears that smelled metallic when I bent to look more closely at them. They looked like old blood. Dust webs floated in the air, stirred by the faint breeze I could feel coming in the door behind me. . . They were attached to the ceiling and fixtures somewhere in the shadows above my head. Save for the groans of the floorboards beneath my feet, there was no sound. It was like the air smothered sounds and choked the breeze. I saw another door on the other side of the room, cracked open a few inches, but I couldn't see what was beyond it, or hear if anyone was there. I felt another faint stir of air, this time from that second door, and there was the strong smell of mice. Now, Are You in the Room Instead of Just Looking at It? Show Me, Don’t Tell Me! • When using details to describe the # 1 rule is to show, not tell. What’s the difference between the two? • Well, "telling" is the reliance on simple exposition: Mary was an old woman. • "Showing," on the other hand, is the use of evocative description: • • Mary moved slowly across the room, her hunched form supported by a polished wooden cane gripped in a gnarled, swollenjointed hand that was covered by translucent, liver-spotted skin. Why is ‘Showing’ Better? Two Reasons. . . • First, it creates mental pictures for the reader. • Second, showing is interactive and participatory: it forces the reader to become involved in the story, deducing facts (such as Mary's age) for himself rather than just taking information in passively. Avoid Omniscient Voice . . . • In description , as in most writing forms, you cannot read someone’s mind. • Only in fiction can an author use the omniscient voice, which knows someone’s private thoughts, feelings, etc. Instead Use PME’s . . . . • If you can’t read minds, how could you write that someone was “sad”? • Writers need to let readers draw their own conclusions about character emotions by describing the Physical Manifestations of Emotions… PME’s. • PME Emphasis Areas: facial expressions, stance, and gestures. Don’t Make Label Judgments Describing someone as having “a frustrated look on his face” does little to help the reader visualize. • She had an angry look on her face. • “…her face reddened, teeth clenched, and temples throbbing, she glared back at me.” • He nervously waited. • “…crouched, with knees bent and every muscle flexed to pounce. #2 Use Strong Active Verbs • Good descriptive writing employs the use of strong, specific verbs. . . . Avoid ‘To Be’ Verbs Central in choosing verbs is -- as always -- the avoidance of the verb ‘to be.’ To say a thing ‘is,’ or ‘was,’ is not nearly as active -- and therefore specific -- as choosing a sharper verb. Consider these two versions of the same sentence: The sunlight was on the propane tank. The sunlight stretched over the propane tank. Clearly the second sentence is more interesting; here the sunlight becomes active. In the first sentence, there’s nothing interesting about the sun’s presence -- it’s simply there. • The fiddles boiled the air with their music. • The lilacs sliced the sky into purple. • Her husband’s snores sawed her sleep in half. • I exploded when I saw her. • My blood buzzed like a hornet’s nest. • A good rule of thumb is that the more unexpected the verb (as in ‘boiled’ in describing how fiddles sound, or ‘sliced’ in describing flowers), the more specific and memorable a sentence will be. The Dominant Impression • A descriptive essay has one, clear dominant impression. If, for example you are describing a snowfall, it is important for you to decide and to let your reader know if it is threatening or lovely; in order to have one dominant impression, it cannot be both. • The dominant impression guides the author's selection of detail and is thereby made clear to the reader in the thesis sentence. • The dominant impression can be thought of as the way the writer feels about the object of the description. • For instance, a writer may regard a place as hospitable and inviting, or as cold and forbidding. Craft the Dominant Impression •In conveying the dominant impression, the writer must both: •(a) select details carefully, and •(b) present them with the impression in mind. •All good descriptions are crafted with steady attention to the dominant impression.