Transcript Common Writing Revision Goals- Comfort Zone Essay

Revising the Common
Writing Essay
Mrs. Pruett
Why revise?
• Because it is in the reflective process of
revision that one learns how to improve
upon their writing.
• Also, many of you did not score as high as
I know you could have scored.
• If you scored a 1 or 2 you have a
mandatory revision assignment
• If you scored a 3, your revision is
encouraged but not required
I have revised my thesis statement so that it
is effective in the introduction & restated it in
the conclusion conclusion
• Your thesis is the driving point of your essay and
must be clearly stated or cleverly implied in your
intro/conclusion.
• Your thesis must state how you stepped out of
comfort zone. It can’t just say that you stepped
out of your comfort zone:
• Example: Although I had performed amongst
smaller college crowds and in low budget living
room theatres, this was so uncomfortable that I
knew that this moment of stepping up and out of
my comfort zone would be one of the most
difficult moments of my life as a poet.
Your introduction must have a GAT
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G: Grabber
A: Additional Info
T: Thesis Statement
sensory description- words that appeal
to the five senses of sight, sound, smell,
taste, to touch will be in your body
paragraphs
I use a minimum of 6 transition
words
• Your ideas, thoughts,
contrasts, and
reflections must be
connected through
the use of transition
words
Transition Words Examples
Addition
furthermore
moreover
too also
in the
second place again in addition
even more
next further
last, lastly
finally besides
and, or, nor first
second, secondly, etc.
Time
while
immediately
never after
earlier
always when
soon
whenever meanwhile
sometimes
meantime during
afterwards
now next
following
once
at length
simultaneously so far
subsequently
later,
in the
now, until
then
this time
I have corrected the major errors (see rubric)
I have corrected the minor errors (see rubric)
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Major errors:
Fragmented sentences
Run-on sentences
Wrong verb tense (ex.: Mother goes to the store
yesterday.)
• Subject-verb agreement (ex.: Alice make good
cookies. We is eating the cookies.)
*Minor errors: Spelling Imprecise word choice
• Usage (ex.: their, they’re, there; to, too, two, etc.)
• Punctuation / Capitalization
I have corrected my punctuation errors
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Comas,
Capitalization,
questions marks,
quotations,
etc
I have written another body
paragraph that covers more details
= A paper
• After reviewing your essay, you should be
able to better develop your thesis
statement by inserting at least one new
paragraph
• Your paragraph should SHOW what
happened NOT just tell what happened.
• You show what happened by appealing to
the sensory description of sight, sound,
touch, taste and smell.
I corrected all uses of non
academic language
• Avoid conversational language and use
professional/academic language
throughout the essay.
I made sure my verb tense is in
agreement with the other verbs in my sentence
• On example of my unconditional love for
my mother was when I tell her, “
.“
• In this case, the verbs was and tell are not
in verb tense agreement and must be
revised.
I corrected all non referential uses
of it, this, that,
• Incorrect Example: This was it and I knew
that it was all I could do to get it across.
• Revision: The cashier’s response was all I
could take and I knew that I had to restrain
my anger if I wanted to make my point
persuasively.
I never use the words said/says, I
use the synonyms for said/says
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Added
Continued
Stated
Announced
Asserted
Commented
Declared
Observed
Remarked
reported
Improve the overall Value of the
essay
• Overall, you want to make your essay
have an improved sense of description,
detail and completion.
Due Date
• Tunr your essay in to turnitin.com
• No later than 10-27-10