Transcript Proposal Writing Slides

CLEAR WRITING,
SUCCESSFUL PROPOSALS
February 8, 2011
Dr. Daniel Reardon
The Missouri S&T
Writing Center
Why Proposals Fail…
A Good Proposal
A good proposal is a good idea, well
expressed, with a clear indication of
methods for pursuing the idea, evaluating
the findings, and making them known to
all who need to know.
Source: NSF Regional Conference, Baton Rouge, LA, 2000
Reasons for Approving or Funding a Proposal
• New and original ideas
• Succinct, focused project plan
• Clear knowledge of subject area or published, relevant
work
• Experience in essential methodology
• Certainty concerning future direction
• Acceptable scientific rationale
• Realistic amount of work
• Sufficient detail
• Critical approach
• Well-written document
Common Problems and Solutions
Problem: Poor writing.
Solution: Revise, get help. (See our Graduate Technical Editor at the
Writing Center, 113 Campus Support Facility)
Problem: Insufficient information, experimental details, or
preliminary data.
Solution: Assess what’s missing; add it to the research plan.
Problem: Significance of project not convincingly stated.
Solution: Improve that section; demonstrate importance to the
organization’s mission.
Problem: Insufficient discussion of obstacles and alternative
approaches.
Solution: Write what you’ll do if you get negative results or if an
approach doesn’t pan out.
Source: http://www.niaid.nih.gov/ncn/grants/write/write_z7.htm
How to Overcome Common Pitfalls
• Carefully outline your proposal in response to course
assignment (or RFP in the working world).
• Seek outside readers in your field (and among your
peers) to look at the content of your project.
• Find and read successful models of proposals.
• Seek assistance at the Writing Center (from me,
specifically) regarding writing-related issues.
• Ask questions if you have them.
• Give yourself plenty of time to re-read and revise your
proposal.
Now Let’s Examine your
Pre-Proposals for CS 447
And review the requirements
for each section
Section A: Project Summary
•Subsection A.1: Your name and degree
program(s) (e.g., Cathy Jones, BS in Computer
Science with minor in Biology)
•Subsection A.2: Project title: as descriptive and
specific as possible while being short and peppy
•Subsection A.3: Description: Concise
description of your research proposal. [This
describes at a very high level what you propose to
do.]
•Subsection A.4: Intellectual Merit: How important is
the proposed activity to advancing knowledge and
understanding within its own field or across different
fields? To what extent does the proposed activity
suggest and explore creative, original, or potentially
transformative concepts? [This describes the scientific
contributions of your research.]
•Subsection A.5: Societal Benefit: What may be the
benefits of the proposed activity to society? [This
provides the general motivation for your research.]
Section B: Project Narrative
• Subsection B.1: Introduction: state and
motivate scientific questions you propose to
investigate
• Subsection B.2: Related work: summarize the
published research related to what you are going
to propose and explain why it's deficient and how
your proposed research will address those
deficiencies
• Subsection B.3: Proposed research: describe
your proposed approach to answering the
scientific questions you stated in the introduction
• Subsection B.4: Qualifications & Resources:
briefly explain why you are qualified to conduct
the proposed research and make the case that
the resources at your disposal are sufficient to
carry out the research as envisioned
• Subsection B.5: Tentative work plan: present
a task list and tentative schedule for completing
those tasks; also indicate deliverables on
schedule; indicate which tasks, if any, have a
non-negligible chance of failure and what
alternative approach you could attempt in case
of failure
Section C: References
List here all the references you
cite in your proposal.
I’ve also brought copies of the
IEEE documentation style guidelines
for your convenience.
Proofreading for Clarity
and Variety
1. Highlight or circle every use of
these verbs:
Am
Is
Are
Was
Were
Have
Has
Had
Next, Highlight or Circle every sentence
that begins with:
This
There
Do you notice a pattern?
Have you carefully chosen each word,
or written your document too quickly?
How long are your sentences?
Do you vary your sentence lengths
to create rhythm in your language use?
Or are your sentences
pretty much all the same length?
Do you vary your use of
punctuation?
Or use only commas?
Do You Recognize These Sentences?
Learning classifier systems (LCS) are an effective type of
reinforcement learning that evaluates rules from a ruleset
to choose the predicted best action in response to the
current state of its environment.
Results have been published that show that various GAs
can be adapted to perform this task.
The new clock-cycle-addicted economy requires highpowered computational firepower, and it’s citizens demand
the right to bear cloud computing devices.
This is due to a lack of education related to AI, and the
requirement to be a good programmer to create an AI for
your specific problem.
Do You Recognize These Sentences?
An unmanned aerial vehicle surveillance drone on a mission
to record a series of targets within an enemy base would face
a real-world example of DVTSP in planning the optimum path
to each of the targets that minimizes flight time in order to
conserve fuel and provide less opportunity to be shot down.
Most internet users have something to gripe about when it
comes to the way websites are laid out.
One of the most irritating and significant causes of this traffic
is time spent at traffic lights.
And now for a strong, clear, concise sentence
(or two):
Real-time simulators are in widespread use as both
military and workforce training applications, and, as
the need for more complicated simulation
environments grows, so does the need for a powerful
artificial intelligence behind the scenes. But regular
artificial intelligence, acting only by design, quickly
becomes predictable, making the simulator
worthless.
This Proposal is already well on its way to
acceptance!
Good writing style is a CHOICE,
not an accident.
Sentence-level style: Choosing the right words and
crafting sentences that are easy to read and understand.
Paragraph-level style: Weaving sentences together
smoothly to emphasize your main points and satisfy your
readers’ expectations.
Document-level style: Setting an appropriate overall
tone and appealing to your readers’ values.
 Style is what makes the content of your proposal easy
(or hard) to read and understand.
 Style is NOT merely embellishment or ornamentation.
It is not a matter of sprinkling adjectives or metaphors or
anything unnecessary throughout your writing. Style is
not “fluff.”
 Developing a good writing style is fundamental if
you want to persuade your readers to approve your
proposal.
 A clear, solid, appropriate writing style illustrates
your clear thinking, your emphasis on quality, your
attention to detail, your respect for the readers’ needs, and
your willingness to work within the organization’s
parameters.
Writing Clear Sentences
Consider these three variations of the same sentence:
Subject
Verb
Predicate
The Institute
provides
the government with accurate
crime statistics.
The government
is provided
with accurate crime statistics
by the Institute.
Crime statistics
are provided
to the government by the Institute.
8 GUIDELINES FOR WRITING
CLEARER SENTENCES:
1. The subject should be what the sentence is really
about.
2. Make the “doer” the subject.
3. State the action in the verb.
4. Put the subject early in the sentence.
5. Reduce nominalizations.
6. Avoid excessive prepositional phrases.
7. Eliminate redundancy.
8. Make sentences “breathing length.”
Guideline 1:
The subject should be what the sentence
is actually about.
Very often, a weak writing style makes it difficult for readers
to identify the subject of the sentence.
For example, what is the subject of the following sentence?
Ten months after the Hartford Project began in which a
team of our experts conducted close observations of
management actions, our final conclusion is that the
scarcity of monetary funds is at the basis of the inability
of Hartford Industries to appropriate resources to
essential projects that have the greatest need.
Guideline 2: Make the “doer” the subject.
Guideline 3: State the action in the verb.
Readers tend to focus on who or what is doing
something in the sentence.
Which sentence is easier to read and understand?
a. On Saturday morning, the paperwork was completed
in a timely fashion by Jim.
b. On Saturday morning, Jim completed the paperwork
in a timely fashion.
Which sentence is easiest to read and understand?
a. The detective investigated the loss of the
payroll.
b. The detective conducted an investigation into
the loss of the payroll.
c. The detective is the person who is conducting
an investigation of the loss of the payroll.
Guideline 4: Put the subject early in the sentence.
Which sentence is easier to read and understand?
a. If deciduous and evergreen trees experience yet
another year of drought like the one observed in 1997,
the entire Sandia Mountain ecosystem will be heavily
damaged.
b. The Sandia Mountain ecosystem will be heavily
damaged if deciduous and evergreen trees experience
yet another year of drought like the one observed in
1997.
Guideline 5: Reduce nominalizations.
Nominalizations are verbs and adjectives that have been
turned into nouns. Very often, nominalizations can make
your sentences seem awkward and “clunky.”
Consider this pair of sentences:
a. Management has an expectation that the project
will meet the deadline.
b. Management expects the project to meet the
deadline.
Consider this pair of sentences:
a. Our discussion about the matter allowed us to
make a decision on the acquisition of a new x-ray
machine.
b. We discussed the matter and decided to acquire the
new x-ray machine.
Guideline 6: Avoid excessive prepositional phrases.
Consider these sentences:
a. The decline in the number of businesses owned by
locals in the town of Artesia is a demonstration of the
increasing hardship faced in rural communities in the
southwest. (8 prepositional phrases)
b. Artesia’s declining number of locally owned
businesses demonstrates the increasing hardship
faced by southwestern rural communities. (2
prepositional phrases)
Guideline 7: Eliminate redundancy.
Redundant language uses two or more words to do the
work of one. Eliminate redundancies so your reader
doesn’t need to work twice as hard to understand one
basic idea.
Examples:
Unruly mob, free gift, past history, previous experience.
We should collaborate together as a team.
We made important, significant changes.
Guideline 8: Make sentences “breathing length.”
By the end of an especially long sentence, readers
are more concerned with getting through it than
with actually deciphering it.
If a written sentence seems longer than “one
breath,” consider shortening it or dividing it into
two complete sentences. If you have a series of
particularly short sentences, consider combining
them to reach a more comfortable “breathing
length.”
A Simple Method for Writing Clearer Sentences
1.
Identify who or what the sentence is really about
•
Turn that who or what into the subject, and them move that
subject to an early place in the sentence.
3.
Identify what the subject is doing, and move that action into the
verb slot.
4.
Eliminate prepositional phrases, where appropriate, by turning
them into adjectives.
5.
Eliminate unnecessary nominalizations and redundancies.
6.
Shorten, lengthen, combine, or divide sentences to make them
“breathing length.”
Here’s our original sentence:
Ten months after the Hartford Project began in which a
team of our experts conducted close observations of
management actions, our final conclusion is that the
scarcity of monetary funds is at the basis of the inability
of Hartford Industries to appropriate resources to
essential projects that have the greatest need.
Here’s a revision using the 8 guidelines to clearer
writing:
After completing the ten-month Hartford Project, our
experts concluded that the Hartford Industries’ budget
shortfalls have limited support for priority projects.
The Given/New Method
Readers will always try to fit new information into
what they already know.
Every sentence (or nearly every sentence) should
contain something the readers already know (the given)
and something the readers don’t yet know (the new).
Consider these sentences:
a. Santa Fe is a beautiful place with surprises around
every corner. Some artists choose to strike off into
the mountains to paint, while others enjoy working
in local studios.
b. Santa Fe offers many beautiful places for artists to
work, with surprises around every corner. Some
artists choose to strike off into the mountains to
paint, while others enjoy working in local studios.
The Given/New Method
Sometimes, the previous sentence does not offer a
suitable subject for the sentence that follows it. In
these cases, transitional phrases can help the writer to
provide some given information at the beginning of a
sentence.
This public relations effort will strengthen Gentec’s
relationship with the leaders of the community.
With this new relationship in place, the details of
the project can be negotiated with terms that are
fair to both parties.
Writing Clear Paragraphs
The Elements of a Paragraph:
Transition sentence
Topic sentence
Support sentences
Point sentences
Transition sentence:
A transition sentence allows you to create a smooth
bridge from the previous paragraph to the present
paragraph. Transition sentences are typically used
when the new paragraph handles a significantly
different topic than the previous paragraph. Some
paragraphs do not require a transition sentence.
Example: “With these facts in mind, let us consider the current
opportunity.” The facts mentioned in this sentence were
explained in the previous paragraph. By referring back to the
previous paragraph, this transition sentence provides a bridge to
the information in the new paragraph.
Topic sentence:
The topic sentence is the claim or statement that the
rest of the paragraph is going to prove or support.
Often, topic sentences appear as the first or second
sentence of each paragraph. Why?
1.
The topic sentence sets a goal for the paragraph to reach by telling
readers the claim you are trying to prove. If the topic sentence
appears at the end, readers are forced to rethink all the details in the
paragraph now that they know what the paragraph was trying to
prove. This can be both difficult and annoying.
2.
The first sentence is the most important sentence in the paragraph.
Readers who are scanning your document quickly will tend to
concentrate on the beginning of each paragraph. If the topic
sentence is buried in the middle or at the end of a paragraph, some
of these readers will very likely miss it.
Support sentences:
Support sentences will include the bulk of your
information, and are intended to provide evidence for the
claim made in the topic sentence.
Support sentences include:
• Logical reasoning
if/then, cause/effect, better/worse, greater/lesser arguments
•
•
•
•
•
Examples and illustrations
Facts
Data
Definitions
Descriptions
Point sentences:
Point sentences usually come at the end of a
paragraph. They restate the topic sentence using
different words. Point sentences are especially useful
in longer paragraphs, when readers may not
remember the original goal of the paragraph.
Point sentences are optional, and should be used only
sparingly. Too many point sentences will make
your writing seem repetitive and even
condescending.
Point sentences often start with transitional signals
such as therefore, consequently, in sum, etc.
How can we accomplish these five goals? (transition)
Universities need to study their core mission to determine
whether distance education is a viable alternative to the
traditional classroom. (topic sentence) If universities can
maintain their current standards while moving their courses
online, then distance education may provide a new medium
through which nontraditional students can take classes and
perhaps earn a degree. (support) Utah State, for example,
reports that students enrolled in their online courses have met
or exceeded the expectations of their professors. (support)
On the other hand, if standards cannot be maintained, then
universities may find themselves returning to the traditional
on-campus model of education. (support) In the end, the
ability to meet a university’s core mission is the litmus test to
measure whether distance education will work. (point
sentence)
Universities need to study their core mission to determine
whether distance education is a viable alternative to the
traditional classroom. (topic sentence) If universities can
maintain their current standards while moving their courses
online, then distance education may provide a new medium
through which nontraditional students can take classes and
perhaps earn a degree. (support) Utah State, for example,
reports that students enrolled in their online courses have
met or exceeded the expectations of their professors.
(support) On the other hand, if standards cannot be
maintained, then universities may find themselves returning
to the traditional on-campus model of education. (support)
Aligning Sentence Subjects in a Paragraph
The lack of technical knowledge about the electronic components
in automobiles often leads car owners to be suspicious about the
honesty of car mechanics. Although they might be fairly
knowledgeable about the mechanical workings of their
automobiles, car owners rarely understand the nature and scope of
the electronic repairs needed in modern automobiles. For instance,
the function and importance of a transmission in a car is generally
well known to all car owners. However, the wire harnesses and
printed circuit boards that regulate the fuel consumption and
performance of their car are rarely familiar. Repairs for these
electronic components can often run over $400—a large amount for
a customer who cannot even visualize what a wire harness or
printed circuit board looks like. In contrast, a $400 charge for the
transmission on the family car, though distressing, is more readily
understood and accepted.
Revision 1. Due to their lack of knowledge about electronics,
some car owners are skeptical about the honesty of car mechanics
when repairs involve electrical components. Most customers are
acquainted with the mechanical features of their automobiles, but
they rarely understand the nature and scope of the electronics in
their cars. For example, many people recognize the function and
importance of an automobile transmission; however, the average
driver knows very little about the wire harnesses and printed
circuit boards that regulate a car’s fuel consumption and
performance. So, for many customers, a $400 repair for these
electronic components seems like a large amount, especially when
they cannot even visualize what a wire harness or printed circuit
board looks like. In contrast, most car owners think that a $400
charge to fix the transmission on the family car, although
distressing, is more acceptable.
Revision 2. Repairs to electronic components often lead car
owners, who lack knowledge about electronics, to doubt the
honesty of car mechanics. The nature and scope of these repairs
are usually beyond the understanding of most non-mechanics,
unlike typical mechanical repairs with which car owners are more
familiar. For instance, the importance of fixing the transmission
in a car is readily apparent to most car owners. But adjustments
to wire harnesses and printed circuit boards are mysterious to
most customers, even though these electronic components are
crucial to regulate the car’s fuel consumption and performance.
So, a repair to these electronic components, which can easily cost
$400 or more, seems excessive. In contrast, a $400 replacement
of the family car’s transmission, though distressing, is more
readily accepted.
What is Passive Voice?
Passive voice is a grammatical construction in which the
object of an action becomes the subject of a sentence.
form of "to be" + past participle* = passive voice
Examples:
Tree core analysis can be conducted to delineate
chlorinated ethylene groundwater plumes.
Concentrations of contaminants in affected tissues were
analyzed.
* Grammar Review: the past participle is a verb form often, but not
always, ending in “-ed.” Some exceptions to the “-ed” rule are words
like “paid” and “driven.”
When is it appropriate to use passive voice?
a. The door was closed to ensure privacy. (passive)
b. Frank Roberts closed the door to ensure privacy. (active)
Passive sentences are appropriate when:
• The readers do not need to know who or what is doing
something in the sentence.
• The subject of the sentence is what the sentence is
really about.
How to Maintain Objectivity in your Writing
When possible, use active constructions that include
such verbs as supported, indicated, suggested,
corresponded, challenged, yielded, demonstrated, or
showed.
Instead of: A number of results are indicated by these
data.
Try: These data indicate a number of results.
or Further analysis showed/suggested/yielded…
Editing for Clear and Professional Language:
Ten Hints
1. Know your audience.
2. Write complete sentences.
3. Replace the broad “this” as a subject.
Instead of: The tool is at a default, guarded position
both before and after the milling process. This allows
the cutting to be done only at the time the operator
chooses.
Try: The tool is at a default, guarded position both
before and after the milling process. This default
position allows the cutting to be done only at the time
the operator chooses.
Editing for Clear and Professional Language:
Ten Hints
4. Avoid piled-up modifiers.
Instead of: A slope stability and piping failure analysis
Try: An analysis of slope stability and piping failure
5. Trim down phrases to make your prose more
readable and concise. Don’t use more words
than you absolutely need.
In order to = to
For the purpose of = to
At this point in time = now
Is in compliance with = complies with
Has responsibility for testing = tests
At a temperature of 298K = at 298K
Serves to illustrate = illustrates
In the event that = if
Because of the fact that = because
Prior to = before
Subsequent to = after
Utilizes = uses
Editing for Clear and Professional Language:
Ten Hints
6. Use the past tense when reporting specific
actions, observations, and procedures that
took place in the past. Use the present tense to
describe things that are always or generally
true.
past: After construction and modification, the mower
assembly was field tested at the fruit orchard in Illinois.
present: The mower is capable of cutting heavy grass up to
one foot high.
past and present: Aluminum was used for the prototype
because it is easily available and machinable.
Editing for Clear and Professional Language:
Ten Hints
7. Build coherent paragraphs by aligning your
subjects.
8. Never start a sentence with a numeral or an
abbreviation; either write out the words or
rearrange your sentence.
9. Find at least one person—ideally more than one
person—to read your document and offer you
helpful feedback before you submit it.
10. Check and re-check your spelling, capitalization,
and punctuation. Realize the limits of spellchecker and grammar-checker software.
This presentation was based in part on the
information found in Writing Proposals: Rhetoric for
Managing Change by Richard Johnson-Sheehan
(Allyn & Bacon, 2002).
Additional information about proposal writing and
all aspects of technical writing and communication
can be found at the S&T Writing Center, 113
Campus Support Facility.