Transcript The Moral Climate of Schools - Heads Up Educational Consulting

The Moral Climate of Schools:
Educating for Character
Patrick F. Bassett, NAIS President
www.nais.org
The Intentional Culture of Great
Schools
Values-laden cultures. Whose Values?
What are the five most commonly cited in research and
across all religions and cultures?
1. Compassion
(empathy)
2. Honesty
(integrity)
3. Fairness
(equity & justice)
4. Responsibility
(self-discipline & reliability)
5. Respect
(civility, honoring expectations, cross-cultural
competency/cosmopolitanism)
The Moral Climate of Schools
• The Challenges We Face
• Teaching Ethics vs. Practicing Virtue
• The Power of Story-telling
• Schools of Hope (Douglas Heath)
The Challenges We Face
Overhead in the Hallways & NAIS Moral Life of Schools Survey
Results: Student Responses
• 3rd grader: “I’m not altogether certain what immorality
means, but I think it means……..
….‘living in the suburbs.’”
• 9th grader: "I haven't been here long enough…..
to tackle a moral question. Sorry."
• 9th grader: "Whether or not to cheat. I've decided not to.
….Not much, anyway."
The Challenges We Face
Overhead in the Hallways & NAIS Moral Life of Schools Survey
Results: Student Responses
• 6th grader: "The whole class had the opportunity to
cheat, but no one did…..
It was an easy test."
• 7th grader: "I found $20 on the library table and
turned it in. I should have kept it. The kid was a jerk
and was ungrateful…..
I beat him up after school."
The Challenges We Face
• 10th grader tour guide response (Episcopal-related
school) to Jewish parent’s query about whether or not
there was any anti-Semitism at the school: “Why yes…
this is a great school, and we have everything here.”
• Teacher of the Year, after being challenged for
physically punishing two boys who had published
unflattering remarks about her in newly troweled
sidewalk: “Well I loved them in the abstract…
but not the concrete.”
• 9th Grader, when asked why he would not steal a book
from the library where no adults supervise….
“Because I would be killed.”
The Challenges: What Research Tells Us
• 41% of college-bound agreed with the
statement, “A person has to lie or cheat
sometimes in order to succeed.” (Josephson Institute of
Ethics survey, October 2002)
• 80% of National Honor Society students
admit to cheating, yet self-confessed
cheaters affirm their personal righteousness
and trustworthiness (Who’s Who in American High Schools Survey,
’98; Josephson Report, cited in Ed Week, 01/05/05 and again in 2009).
• Growing disrespect for teachers and other
authority figures: www.ratemyteacher.com
The Challenges: What Research Tells Us
• Peer cruelty on the rise. (Michael Thompson et. al.)
• Obsession with “self-esteem” distorts school
reactions to immoral behavior: e.g., the public school that
caught a boy stealing from his peers’ knapsacks, but reported it
“uncooperative behavior” to avoid shaming the student (“Moral
Mandate,” Edmund Damon, Education Next, Spring 2005).
• Independent School Grads Outperform Grads from
all other Types of Schools, in every Arena,
including use of Alcohol & Drugs. “The Deal.”
(NELS Report).
• Moral decision-making driven by context.
 “Good Samaritan” Experiment
 Context for Cheating
Clashing Cultures: Why Good
Schools are Countercultural
“Children spend 20% of their waking lives in school, but
exposure to the other 80% works often at cross-purposes.”
~Rob Evans
“What is unusual about our times is that the American culture
projected in the popular media and popular imagination has
become so distorted and grotesque – so reflective of only the
more sordid aspects of our collective values and aspirations –
that counterculture is something we long for. Indeed, when it
comes to education, the best schools…are now, ironically,
countercultural.” ~Patrick F. Bassett, Education Week 2/6/02
What independent school values are now “counter” to the
general culture and popular media?
Schools as Countercultural?
Values of the Popular Culture vs. Independent School Values:
• Rationalizing of dishonesty
Enforcing honor codes
(excusing lying and cheating: www.cheat.com vs.
www.turnitin.com; Bernie Madoff’s excuse: “fear
of failure”; Bill Clinton’s: “Because I could.”)
(no lying, cheating, stealing)
• Lionizing the individual
Proselytizing community
(star-worship; limitless greed; Michael Jackson
as “The King of Pop”)
(team-play; service)
• Indulging sexual profligacy
Expecting abstinence
(Pres. Clinton, Gov. Sanford, Elliot Spitzer, et. al.)
(limits on “pda”)
• Excusing hostility & violence
Eschewing violence
(“rights” issues; Serena Williams, etc.)
(conflict resolution training)
• Enduring vulgarity & profanity
Insisting on civility
(crude language, coarse behaviors, improper dress)
(confronting boorish behaviors and enforcing
dress codes – for students and adults)
Schools as Countercultural?
Values of the Popular Culture vs. Independent School Values:
• Winning at all costs
Fair Play
(hazing of opponents, cheating for advantage)
(sportsmanship credo; no cut policies)
• Conspicuous Consumption
Environmental Stewardship
(clothes & cars)
(modeling good citizenship)
• Cultural Tribalism (Uniqueness)
School as Community
(asserting one’s differences)
(Latin root, communitas: finding what is
common to many, shared by many)
• Parental Definitions of Success
School Definitions of Success
(getting ahead)
(contributing to the common good)
Source: John Watson, TABS Conference 12/07/02
Why Good Schools are Countercultural
What do morally healthy schools share?
– Exceptional teachers
– Effective and appropriate moral climate
– The latter tends to attract the former
– The former tends to reinforce the latter
– An internal moral climate that is most often in opposition
to the dominant popular culture
– Heads and board chairs who identify “school climate” as
one of the top task of school heads.
Adapted from: John Watson, TABS Conference 12/07/02
What We Can’t Change
 The pervasiveness of popular culture
 Our inability to insulate ourselves from popular
culture
 Seductiveness of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll in
kid culture.
Adapted from: John Watson, TABS Conference 12/07/02
What We Can Change
 Lack of clarity about school community values:
Will we tolerate hazing on sports teams? Coaches and parents screaming at
players or refs?
 Lack of will to assert school community values:
Will we suspend or expel students for immoral behaviors on OR off campus?
Will we “fire” parents who are abusive to our staff?
 Lack of willingness to explore the rent fabric:
Will we survey and address students honesty and substance use and sexual
promiscuity? Will we draw a “mission map” of the school (to find out where
we fall short)?
 Lack of Communication about Values as the
Value Proposition:
Will we commit to core values? Will we
teach empathy and compassion and the other EQ skills related to ethical
behavior? Demonstrate the value of values?
The Moral Climate of Schools
 The Challenges We Face
• Teaching Ethics vs. Practicing Virtue
• The Power of Story-telling
• Schools of Hope (Douglas Heath)
Teaching Ethics vs. Practicing Virtue
• Teaching Ethics: Asking students to make ethical judgment, in the
abstract, about issues of which they are often uninformed: abortion,
euthanasia, capital punishment, DNA engineering, stem cell research,
etc.: How is this counter-productive? …
… by reinforcing value relativism rather than grounding students in an
ethical base.
• Teaching Macbeth: "sound and fury" monologue ("Life's but a walking
shadow, a poor player/That struts and frets his hour upon the stage..) and
only examining vocabulary, metaphor, meter: Teachers fearful of values
never touch the underlying theme: Does life have meaning, or is it “full of
sound and fury, signifying nothing”? Should we ask, like Hamlet, “Doth
conscience make cowards of us all?”
• The best schools re-enact, role-play, and probe ethical decisions in the
teaching of literature, history, science, foreign language/culture, etc.
Right vs. Wrong
•
The “easy” moral decisions kids and adults face are “right vs.
wrong,” “black vs. white” decisions
• For less clear-cut dilemmas, a useful rubric for school leaders is
“The 4-way Test” (Source: see Institute for Global Ethics website, www.globalethics.org)
 The Legal Test
 The Gut-feeling Test
 The Front-page Test
 The Role-Model Test
•
What are examples of “gray-zone” offenses? How would we
handle them in our schools?
 Faculty arrested and convicted for DUI? Head who gets drunk
at school auction? “Jurisdictional” issues when students behave
after school, off-campus: e.g., chat room slander; playground
shunning; “sexting” distribution of compromising pictures?
Teaching Ethics vs. Practicing Virtue
Children have never been good at listening to their elders,
but they have never failed to imitate them. ~James Baldwin
• Kids learn to be ethical by observing how adults negotiate
ethical dilemmas
• Kids are the “hypocrisy police”: Why do we hold students to a
higher standard than we hold the adults in our community?
 School standards for faculty who prevaricate? For coaches who
verbally abuse referees?
 Faculty who plagiarize or misrepresent their academic
credentials?
What are the school community standards for drug and alcohol
abuse among the adults?
Right vs. Right
• The deepest ethical dilemmas are “right vs. right” decisions (Source:
see Institute for Global Ethics website, www.globalethics.org)
 individual vs. community: e.g., separate the disruptive child who
needs socialization skills from his cooperative learning team that is
being held back and exasperated by him? Expel on first offense?
 truth vs. loyalty: hold a confidence of a self-destructive behavior or
report it? “Narc” on a friend to support the honor code?
 short-term vs. long-term: The Palace Thief / Emperor’s Club example
of making an exception in the short-term (re-grading a paper for a
student you think you can “re-direct”) in the hope of long term
salvation?
justice vs. mercy: after putting in a “zero tolerance policy” and
suspending the two boys for fighting in the schoolyard, finding out a
third boy was involved, because of persistent taunting and bullying, who
begs not to be suspended since he says his family will be shamed and he
beaten.
Right vs. Right
•
Adults don’t do a good enough job is raising to the conscious
and articulated level how they reach their ethical decisions.
•
Note on “fairness” (or “justice”): For kids, “fairness” means
everyone gets the same punishment for the same crime—often
not that simple for adults. Fairness experiment: $10 to pairs of
“proposers” and “responders”: what’s the limit of a “fair split?”
•
What are the core values that dictate the ultimate right vs. right
decision? Which values apply? Answer: “It depends.”
Right vs. Right
Beyond a religious or honor code foundation (if any), schools
may wish to articulate to their students the humanist
foundation, rooted in classical philosophy (the Institute for
Global Ethics “three ethical systems test”):
1. Rules-based test (PFB note: rooted in Immanuel Kant’s
“categorical imperative”: “Do that which you would
want to see universalized” or “The Golden Rule”)
2. Ends-based test (PFB note: rooted in John Stuart Mills’
utilitarianism, “Do that causes the greatest general
good”)
3. Care-based test (PFB note: rooted in Carol Gilligan’s
caring ethic: “Do that which a caring person would
do.”)
Right vs. Right
It’s the job of school leaders to explain to kids the right vs.
right dilemmas we face ourselves:
Role Play: What should the head of school say at the town
meeting after an expulsion when one student was
expelled but another not?:
“I struggled with this decision, because one of our
principles at this school, ‘caring,’ urged us to keep John
here, but our other principle, ‘play by the rules,’ dictated
otherwise, for the good of the school and its ability to
attract and keep good citizens. While some of you will
think that it’s not ‘fair’ to expel John but keep Mary in the
community, we saw a difference in the level of involvement
in the offense, and had to make the kind of excruciating
distinction that some may think is inconsistent, but that
others will know is right, given the circumstances.”
The Moral Climate of Schools
 The Challenges We Face
 Teaching Ethics vs. Practicing
Virtue
• The Power of Story-telling
• Schools of Hope (Douglas Heath)
The Importance of Story
• Greek & Arabic & Judeo-Christian & Native-American & African
(etc.) development of story-telling (parables) form the oral
tradition of the culture: (Iliad/Odyssey, Aesop’s Fables, Tales of the
Arabian Nights, Native-American creation stories; etc.). All leaders
tell stories.
• The Power of Fairy Tales: The Uses of Enchantment, Bruno
Bettelheim: the Brothers Grimm originals vs. sanitized versions of
fairy tales (e.g., The Three Little Pigs; Little Red Riding Hood)
• The Centrality of the Hero Myth in American Culture: Davy
Crockett, Paul Bunyan, George Washington (and their fictional
“resurrection” in Nancy Drew, Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter, et.
al.). Often messianic implications: Avatar.
The Importance of Story
• The Absence of Communitarian stories in American Culture:
individualism legacy of the Thoreau impulse (popularized in our
film, music, literature). What are the countervailing stories?:
Menorah story; the shaved head story.
• The importance of context: Piaget’s Volume of Water: the
Naughty Puppet Version; Putting the Good Samaritan story to the
test.
• What are your school’s five most powerful stories? Are there one
or two that you tell every year, so people would come to miss it if
you didn’t tell it? Your version of “The Taser Gun Story”?
The Moral Climate of Schools
 The Challenges We Face
 Teaching Ethics vs. Practicing
Virtue
 The Power of Story-telling
• Schools of Hope (Douglas Heath)
Schools of Hope: Douglas Heath
Predictors of Adult Success: (Longitudinal Studies of Independent School Grads)
Highest verbal SATs correlate with adults 30 years later with...
• less well-integrated personalities.
• lower self-esteem.
• less self-knowledge.
• distant and conflictual professional relationships.
• less successful marriage relations.
Is the goal to produce more Harvard-educated “Unabombers”? Portrayal
of Mark Zuckerberg in in Social Network?
Co-curricular involvement correlates with …
• more success in school (better grades, better morale, better ethical
decisions, less involvement with drugs and alcohol)
• adult effectiveness (extracurriculars = the most valid predictor)
Douglas Heath’s Lives of Hope: psychological maturity, androgyny, and
virtue correlate with success in life.
The Good News: The Millennials in
our Schools Now
 The Theory of Generations: Repeating the pattern by the
fourth generation. The Millennials as a reprise of the GI
Generation.
 An Upturn: The numbers of teenagers who say they would
act unethically to get ahead if there were no chance of
getting caught: 22 percent, down from 33 percent in 2003;
those who believe that "people who practice good business
ethics are more successful in business than those who don't"
climbed to 69 percent this year, up from 56 percent. ~Survey by
JA Worldwide (Junior Achievement) and Deloitte & Touche USA The online survey of 777 teens aged
13 through 18 was conducted by Harris Interactive® in July 2005.
Schools of Hope: Moral Agency
Developing the Partnership on Character Development
Exercise for Board, Faculty, Parents Meetings
Name an important value at your school….
• How do you know this value is present?
• What and who supports the value?
Name another value, one that needs more attention…
• What tells you that this value is not present enough?
• What or who gets in the way of this value?
• Who needs to bring about change?
The Moral Climate of Schools
Which Values?
Complete the sentence: “I want my child to
be….”
Schools of Hope
Sociologist Anthony Campolo’s “test”:
In Japan, mothers say, “I want my child to be….
…successful” (and youth culture pays a high price)
In America, mothers say, “I want my child to be…
….happy” (and youth culture pays a high price)
Right answer? “I want my child to be…
 … good” (if morally good, then higher likelihood of also
being successful and happy).
 See also Independent School — Spring 2011 Online Feature,
“Common Goodness” by Jill Donovan
Mark Twain:
"To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is
nobler -and less trouble."
The End!
For More Resources on this Topic, Go to
www.nais.org
Resources
 National Association of Independent Schools
(www.nais.org)
 Council for Spirituality & Ethics Education
(CSEE: www.csee.org)
 Character Education Foundation, Thomas
Likona (SUNY): 607-753-2456
[email protected] Good & Smart Schools
Project
Resources
 Center for the Advancement of Ethics and
Character at Boston University, 617-353-4568
www.bu.edu/education/caec/
 Institute for Global Ethics: www.globalethics.org
 Parenting/Ethics Books: The Blessings of the
Skinned Knee (Wendy Mogel); Giving Good Gifts
(George E. Conway); Creating the Ethical School
(Bongsoon Zubay & Jonas F. Soltis)
 The Social Norms Approach To Preventing School
and College Age Substance Abuse, H. Wesley
Perkins (NIU and the ISSL Experiment)
Exemplary School Programs
 World Religions/Literature St. Francis High
School (KY): Developing cross-cultural
understanding by reading the original holy texts
 Media Literacy (Columbus School for Girls
(OH): Forming partnerships to address media
violence & stereotyping
 Character Curriculum: Canterbury School (IN):
Chapel, Honor Code, Advisory, Recognition,
Athletics/Arts, Community Service, Together
Talk, Expectations, Religion
Exemplary School Programs
 Conflict Resolution Friends School (MN)
 Honor Code Woodberry Forest School (VA)
 Multicultural Curriculum (Univ. of Chicago
Lab Schools) (IL)
 Partnering with Parents (St. Katherine's-St.
Mark’s School (IA), Blake School (MN): Parents
covenant.
Appendix of Related Slides
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Shared Values: IGE/Gallup College Student
Survey (March 2000)
Honesty
Respect
Responsibility
Equality
Fairness
Compassion
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Shared Values: Chile
Solidaridad
Responsabilidad
Libertad
Tolerancia
Verdad/Honesticia
Justicia
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Shared Values: China
Responsibility
Fairness
Respect
Truth
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Shared Values: Guatemala
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Honestidad (Honesty)
Responsabilidad (Responsibility)
Lealtad (Loyalty)
Humildad (Humility)
Justicia (Justice)
Respecto (Respect)
Sabiduria (Wisdom)
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Shared Values: Bangladesh
•
•
•
•
•
Truth
Responsibility
Respect
Fairness
Freedom
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Camden Hills Regional High School (ME)
 Respect
 Responsibility
 Integrity
 Honesty
 Loyalty
Source: Institute for Global Ethics www.globalethics.org
Shared Values: Japan
Return
Building Boys, Making Men
The Seven Virtues of Manhood
• The True Friend
• The Humble Hero
• The Servant Leader
• The Moral Mediator
• The Heart Patient
• The Bold Adventurer
• The Noble Knight
(Presbyterian Day School, Memphis)
PFB Note: Most important virtue:
moral courage (vs. physical courage:
cf. Rush Kidder & Gus Lee).
Life’s Real Tests: “Paper tests are poor
proxies for the tests of life.” ~PFB tweet
Answer “Yes or No”
1. Under pressure, do you do the right thing?
2. Is your default attitude positive in your places and spaces
(the workplace, the home, and the community)?
3. Do you see failures as growth opportunities?
4. When you witness bad behavior do you assume it’s a
matter of situation rather than character?
5. Do you leave the trail cleaner than you found it?
6. Do you confront incivility when you find it in your midst?
Life’s Real Tests: “Paper tests are poor
proxies for the tests of life.” ~PFB tweet
Answer “Yes or No”
7. Do core virtues win the daily battle for your soul?
8. Do you exceed the need when meeting your family and
community obligations?
9. Do you give more than you take?
10. Are you playful?
11. Do you model that hard work trumps talent every time?
12. Do you believe in something larger than you and yours?
PFB Tweet: “Values are the value-added of an independent
school education.”
Public Purpose of Private Schools in a
Democratic Society
 Service: Original purpose was to educate the sons of the rich
for service to the democracy. Historic purposes of 300-year
tradition of independent schools best expressed in charter of
Phillips Exeter: “Goodness without knowledge is feeble;
knowledge without goodness is dangerous.” Service learning.
 Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness: To offer parental
choice for education in a values context. Two Supreme Court
cases provide the basis in Constitutional law for private schools:
1819 Dartmouth College case (inviolability of contracts); 1922
Pierce vs. Society of Sisters (rights of parents to direct the
education of their children—state can’t prohibit Catholic school
education: “The child is not the mere creature of the state”).
 College-Prep Academics: Labor Dept. stats project a need for
around 20% of jobs requiring a college-level education. Private
schools disproportionately the source.
Public Purpose of Private Schools in a
Democratic Society
 Laboratories for Innovation: Independent schools among the
most innovative schools, bringing to the field new thinking and
strategies for teaching and learning that are openly shared.
Reggio Emilia; project-based learning; value-added testing;
experiential learning; 1:1 laptop programs; etc. Resources,
freedom to experiment, absence of unions and bureaucracy, and
critical mass of faculty with liberal arts degrees from selective
colleges are the raw materials for innovation: school culture
where motivation driven by “autonomy, mastery, and purpose”
is the climate where experimentation can take root.
 Advancing Social Justice & “Human Capital”: Private
schools disproportionately integrated and diverse because
population not restricted by local geography. Private schools
disproportionately successful in matriculating lower socioeconomic level students to college, where they are four times
more likely to graduate than those from public schools.
President Obama the poster child.
Psst! 'Human Capital‘ -DAVID BROOKS
“What Works” for Success
New York Times Op-Ed, Nov 13, 2005
 Cultural Capital: the habits, assumptions, emotional
dispositions and linguistic capacities we unconsciously pick
up from families, neighbors and ethnic groups - usually by
age 3.
– PFB note: Is it “cool” to read, to study, or not? Is it the
school’s fault or my fault if I’m doing poorly?
 Social Capital: the knowledge of how to behave in groups
and within institutions.
– PFB note: UNC classes for students on how to behave in
restaurants; needed: school classes for parents on how to
behave on the sidelines at games.
 Moral Capital: the ability to be trustworthy.
– PFB note: “90% of life is just showing up.” ~Woody
Allen. “Counter-culture” of independent schools.
Psst! 'Human Capital‘ -DAVID BROOKS
“What Works” for Success
New York Times Op-Ed, Nov 13, 2005
 Aspirational Capital: the fire-in-the-belly ambition to
achieve.
– PFB Note: Millionaire studies: C+/B- students—who
were told they wouldn’t amount to much. Worrying
about “self-esteem” vs. encouraging “prove them
wrong.”
– Chinese and Indian Youth: More-driven, not less. (See
“Two Million Minutes” YouTube trailer.
 Cognitive Capital: This can mean pure, inherited
brainpower. But important cognitive skills are not measured
by IQ tests and are not fixed.
– PFB Note: EQ more important in life than IQ, especially
empathy and social judgment.
Psst! 'Human Capital‘ -DAVID BROOKS
“What Works” for Success
New York Times Op-Ed, Nov 13, 2005
 Educational Reform in America: Not much return
on investment.
 David Brooks: “The only things that work are local,
human-to-human immersions that transform the
students down to their very beings. Extraordinary
schools, which create intense cultures of
achievement, work. Extraordinary teachers, who
inspire students to transform their lives, work.”
Their Dangerous Swagger New York Times Op – Ed,
June 9, 2010 by Maureen Dowd
It was set up like a fantasy football league draft. The height, weight
and performance statistics of the draftees were offered to decide who
would make the cut and who would emerge as the No. 1 pick. But the
players in this predatory game were not famous N.F.L. stars. They
were unwitting girls about to start high school. A group of soon-to-be
freshmen boys at an elite private grade school and high school for
boys in a wealthy Washington suburb was drafting local girls….
One team was called “The Southside Slampigs,” and one boy dubbed
his team with crude street slang for drug-addicted prostitutes. The
young woman who was the “top pick” was described by one of the
boys in a team profile he put up online as “sweet, outgoing, friendly,
willing to get down and dirty and [expletive] party. Coming in at 90
pounds, 5’2 and a bra size 34d.” She would be a special asset to the
team, he noted, because her mother “is quite the cougar herself.”
…..
Head: “How would you answer this boy?”
Subject: I’d love to spend some time on this topic next year
June 26, 2010 at 1:21 am | Reply edit
I'm afraid many boys my age would find this 'game' highly inventive and hilarious. And,
though I understand the terrible implications of such a sex-draft, my initial reaction was
that this was a funny way of satirizing already funny practices, like the sought-after prom
invitation. Sadly, this is no satire. This is the way the Facebook generation interacts.
The reality is that trying to win over girls is a game for boys (as is trying to be won over,
for girls). We all participate in the metaphorical draft. Sure, boys enjoy it. But, from my
keen and (what I like to consider) thoughtful observation, girls seem to as well. I can't help
but think that a majority of girls my age would be honored to be drafted in round 1 or 2. I
can't help but think that, perhaps, the sweet young girl who is willing to get down and
[expletive] party may not be demanding respect from the boys who are crazy about her.
(NB only the parents' views were mentioned)
I am desensitized. I exist in a world where racking up encounters is the name of the game.
And this formalized version of the status quo, initially, comes off as the same innocuous
stuff that happens on any weekend. And, yes, I think it's somewhat sad that our interaction
is devoid of any emotional attachment. (What is love, after all?) Indeed, our 'love' interests
and hook-ups are, for the most part, no more than a game.
Head: “How would you answer this boy?”
Subject: I’d love to spend some time on this topic next year (Cont.)
June 26, 2010 at 1:21 am | Reply edit
I don't enjoy saying that. But, where I differ in my view is that I see it less as a
victimization of the innocent girls, and more of an indicator of the extent to which our
interaction has degraded. I can't accept that this is just a result of a corrupted male
generation. I don't think that any degree of feminist education can solve this. Perhaps its
due to my male-dominated milieu, perhaps it is because I have no sisters, daughter, or
long-time girlfriend. Or perhaps it is because the girls I see don't seem to respect
themselves as much as their private girls' schools would like to think they do. I think It's a
real problem. But it's a problem with all of us, not just half of us.
I guess, then, we can attribute this admittedly disgraceful behavior to either some sort of
long-term decline in our ability to appreciate each other (asexually), youth and its
associated ignorance, or scholastic segregation. For now, I like to think it’s a combination
of the latter two, and, maybe, just maybe, those two will change when we emerge from
the male world and enter the real world.
But the question I ultimately face is, is it wrong to understand the shallowness of a
generation but to partake gleefully in its customs of courtship?
Head: “How would you answer this boy?”
PFB’s Response—The Teachable Moment:
“You’ve got a point. And thanks for making it thoughtfully. But
we all have a choice to make in terms of how we relate to the
opposite sex, and the pattern you set when you are young is the
pattern you are destined to follow when you are an adult. Either
you’ll treat girls and then women with respect and dignity, or you
won’t. And long term, the former pattern is so much more
rewarding than the latter because it’s the basis of lasting
relationships, which are one of the handful of things in life that are
meaningful.”
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High Expectations
How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine
Children’s Moral & Emotional Development
• Parents have most profound impact on morals.
• Mixed signals from parents: spectrum from “I
want my child to be happy” (Anthony
Campolo) to Black Swan / Tiger Mom
expectations of “perfection.”
• Weissbourd’s research: Teens’ perception of
what they believe to be the most important
value for them in their parents’ mind:
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1. For you to be happy
2. Achieving a high level of income
3. Having a high status job
4. Being a good person who cares about others
5. Gaining entrance into a selective college
2/3rds public & private school kids thought #1 over #4.
½ of high income private school kids thought #5 over #4.
• Weissbourd’s comment on academic
“pressure”: 30-40% of Harvard’s undergrads
on anti-depressants.
Predictable Irrationality - Dan Ariely