Transcript Role Expectations in Marriage

Role Expectations in
Marriage
What happens after the wedding?
•
1.
According to sociologists:
couples must negotiate the relationship they
want to have and the compatible roles each will
play (McGoldrick)
2. Erikson – couples have to resolve the dilemma of
intimacy vs isolation to develop the ‘strength’ of
love
3. The challenge is how to keep individuality yet at
the same time grow together as a couple
The Contemporary Couple
• Purpose of marriage has changed over the 20th
century
• Couples now looking for relationships based on
companionship rather than parenthood or
procreation
• Traditional marriage – man was the independent
one – out in the world seeking the means to
support his family, whereas the woman was the
homebody – creating the home for the couple and
family
Equality
• Today, most couples’ relationships are based on
equality – both are out in the world working
• The focus of the relationship has morphed into
companionship –needs to be developed over
time
Systems Theory
• According to systems theory, couples must
negotiate the structure, or, hidden ‘rules’ of
their new relationship
• In a marriage, this means that the issues of daily
living must be negotiated
• There needs to be a division of laour and
decision making for a couple – this will look
different with every couple
• When 2 individuals get married (they are 2
‘systems’), a new 3rd system is developed – the 2
systems join and overlap
• Each partner’s expectations originate in their
respective families and then must be sorted
through in order for that new ‘system’ to emerge
• This leads to shared roles within a marriage
• Since the focus is no longer on child rearing,
the more ‘social’ environment presents
competing demands
• Social norms – such as the previous ones
that say the man is head of the house – the
woman stays home to look after him are
changing but not without tension
• This can create tension within a marriage
unless a couple together decide on how
their ‘system’ is going to operate
• Those conflicting demands between personal
needs and social and economic responsibilities
can create tension for a couple as they work
together to develop those ‘intimacy’ and
commitment sides of their marriage
9 Psychological Tasks Needed for a
Good Marriage
• See page 206 in text
Stages in a Marriage
• Goldstine:
• 1. Relationships are romantic, warm and
respectful – exploration, sexual attraction,
idealization of partner
-self esteem is built as they try to develop the
relationship they want
Stage 2
• Conflict arises as individuals try to have their
own needs met
• Causes instability in the relationship and requires
a change in behaviour in both partners
• Individuals may feel let down because the
relationship is less rewarding
• Individuals also have to be honest about their
own needs and work with their partner to solve
problems
Stage 3
• Couples compromise and negotiate a
relationship that meets their needs
• Each needs to develop more ‘flexibility’ about
their roles and needs
• The relationship becomes more realistic, mature
and stable
Family Life Cycle Theory
• Almost every marriage will go through some
kind of ‘crises’, usually many over the course of
their relationship
• Such as: birth of children, teenage years,
children leaving home, retirement, growing old
together
• When these happen, couples go through a stage
2 all over again and will have to re-adapt and
reconfigure those roles again
Defining Success
Characteristics of successful marriage partners:
(Martin Whyte):
•
similar values
• similar activities
• pooling incomes
• sharing in decision making
• friends in common
• active social life together
What does this suggest:
• Social homogamy was a factor in the
selection of a partner
• Couples have made their marital
relationship a priority
• They have ‘settled’ the issues of power and
influence in their relationship
Gottman and Silver
• Looked at the nature of interactions between
married couples
• If positive moments outweigh the negative ones
by 5:1
• Mutual commitment to the relationship
• Effective communication are critical
What is a successful marriage?
• This is vey subjective
• Each individual must decide for his or herself
• However the trends are that they base their
thoughts on the expectations that they had when
they entered the relationship and on their
willingness to adjust as the relationship matured
Social Exchange
• People stay in relationships when they perceive
that the balance of ‘give and take’ is fair
• The benefits of staying in the relationship
outweigh those of leaving
Homework
• 1. Read the ‘in focus’ on p 208
• Answer the questions on p. 209
• 2. Answer question #4 on page 222