Transcript Statistical Humor: An Oxymoron

H. James Norton
[email protected]
Website:
www.jimnortonphd.com
Statistical Humor:
An Oxymoron?
An utterly steady, reliable woman, responsible to the point of grimness.
Daisy was a statistician for the Gallup Poll.
(Saul Bellow, Herzog)
Is this stereotype of statisticians true?
Keeping undergraduate biology students and
medical residents interested in statistics,
when the majority of the students are
taking the class as a requirement, can be
challenging
I attempt to keep the student’s
interest with:
• Jokes
• Cartoons
• Poems
• One liners &
• Jeopardy style
questions
...and breathing fire
From my collection, I use at least one, and sometimes several, each
time I lecture.
A young fellow from
had committed a grievous crime.
He had murdered his
In Texas there is no excuse for murdering a
horse. If the jury finds you guilty there is only
one punishment. Hanging.
On the day of his hanging the warden talked to the
prisoner and said, “I am one of the few wardens that
follows the law of 1889, and the law requires that I
gather a random sample of 100 Texans.”
The warden dragged the prisoner to the auditorium
and sure enough there were 100 Texans sitting there.
The warden said, “ The law requires that I now give
you an hour to speak to these people.”
The prisoner said, “I have nothing to say.”
Whereupon a professor in the audience stood
up and said, “ I don’t think the people of Texas
know enough about statistics. If you are not
going to use the hour, would you mind if I use
it to educate these people about statistics?”
The prisoner said, “ No, go ahead.”
But the prisoner turned to the warden
and said,
“BUT HANG ME FIRST!”
“Professor I didn’t completely understand the point you made
concerning when the probability of an event can = 0.”
Professor, “The probability can only be 0 when the event
cannot possibly occur. “ Pointing to a specific bicycle in the
rack he says, “What do you think the probability that is my bike?.”
The student says, “I think the probability is 0.”
Professor, “No you don’t understand. The
probability that bike is mine is low but not 0.”
Student ” No you don’t understand.
That’s my bike!”
From: Statistics Concepts and Controversies by David Moore
It is difficult to understand why statisticians commonly limit
their enquires to averages and do not revel in more
comprehensive views. Their souls seem as dull to the charm
of variety as that of the native of one of our flat English
counties whose retrospect of Switzerland was that, if its
mountains could be thrown into its lakes, two nuisances
would be got rid of at once.
Sir Francis Galton (England, 1822-1911)
From: Statistics Concepts and Controversies by David Moore
Sister, some statisticians think my results are too good to be true.
Bother Mendel, of course you would get good results.
You’re a saint!
Caption added by Jim Norton
An older prisoner makes friends with a new prisoner. The young
prisoner tells the older fellow that there is no prison that he cannot
escape from and that he will be escaping soon. He asks the older
prisoner if he has anything to say. The older prisoner says no.
After a few months the young prisoner
makes his escape. He’s gone for a
week but he is captured, beaten, and
dragged back by the guards. He
complains how awful it was to the old
prisoner. The old prisoner finally says,
“Son, we all were as young, tough, and
as smart as you. We have tried to
escape numerous times. No one has
ever escaped from this prison.”
The young prisoner asks, “Why didn’t you tell me this. It would have
saved me a lot of pain and suffering.”
The old prisoner shrugs and says “Nobody publishes negative results.”
Moral of story: Always do a power and sample size calculation before the start of your study.
Acknowledgements
The prisoner/negative results – Janice Probst
“Prisoner’s Dilemma: The Importance of Negative Results”
Original citation: “A Case of Need” – M. Crichton
Jeopardy
The Category is : Statistics
Statistics for 100
The test that should be
performed to answer:
• “The general problem may be stated as
follows: having given the number of
instances in which things are both thus
and so, in which they are thus but not so,
in which they are so but not thus, and in
which they are neither thus nor so, it is
required …to determine the quantitative
relativity between the thusness and the
soness of the things.”
What is the chi-square test?
Thus
From:
Bulletin of
the Philosophical
Society of Washington,
(1888).
So
Not So
Not
Thus
Statistics for 100
She said, “ I am fain to sum up an urgent
appeal for adopting a uniform system of
publishing the statistical records of
hospitals. In attempting to arrive at the
truth, I have applied everywhere for
information, but scarcely have I been able
to obtain hospital records fit for any
purpose of comparison.”
Who is Florence Nightingale?
Lady with the Lamp
Statistics for 200
He said of the
farmers who
migrated from
Oklahoma to
California during
the dust bowl era
of the 1930’s,
“When the Okies left
Oklahoma and
moved to
California, they
raised the average
intelligence of both
states.”
http://www.willrogers.org/
Who is Will Rogers?
Statistics for 250
He said, “Everybody knows
it’s always heads.”
Who is George Steinbrenner?
Owner New York Yankees
(1930 – 2010)
Al Rosen had to call the flip of a coin for home-field
advantage for a playoff game in 1978. Rosen said: “George,
we lost the toss. We’re going to Boston.”
Steinbrenner said: “What!? What did you call?”
Rosen said, “Tails.”
That set Steinbrenner off. He yelled at Rosen,
“Everybody knows it’s always heads!”
Statistics for 300
He said, “Data! Data! Data!
I cannot make bricks without clay.”
Who is Sherlock Holmes?
Statistics for 400
He said, “ I am not a statistician.
I am not a predictor.”
Who is George W. Bush?
He was responding to :
“The White House backed away
Wednesday from its own prediction that
the economy will add 2.6 million new
jobs before the end of the year, saying
that the forecast was the work of
number-crunchers.”
Statistics for 500
The 2 substances R.A. Fisher combines
in his famous “thought experiment”
in Chapter One of
The Design of Experiments (1935).
What are milk and tea?
In “The Mathematics of a Lady Tasting Tea” Fisher
describes a hypothetical lady who claims she can
discriminate whether the
milk was added to the tea or whether the
tea was added to the milk. He designs an
experiment & statistical analysis to test her claim.
Statistics for 600
The book this picture is from:
What is the Phantom Tollboth
by Norton Juster
Illustrations by Jules Feiffer?
Milo said “I’ve never seen half a child before”.
“It’s .58” said the child. “It’s a bit more than a half.”
“What is the rest of your family like?” asked Milo.
“We’re just the average family, mother, father, and 2.58
children. I’m the .58”.
… “Besides, each family has 1.3 automobiles, and since I’m the
only one who can drive three tenths of a car, I get to use it all the
time”.
Statistics for 700
The book this is a quote from:
“Grown-ups love figures. When you tell them
you have made a new friend, they never ask
you about essential matters. They never
ask you, “What games does he love best?
…Instead they demand, “How old is he?
How much money does his father make?”
Only from these figures do they think they
have learned anything about him.”
What is “The Little Prince?”
Statistics for 800
The book this is a quote from:
“I found myself in a hole nine fathoms
under the grass. …Looking down, I
observed that I had on a pair of boots
with exceptionally sturdy straps.
Grasping them firmly, I pulled with all of
my might. Soon I had hoist myself to the
top and stepped out on terra firma
without further ado.”
What is the Singular Travels, Campaigns
and Adventures of Baron Munchausen?
Statistics for 1000
It was said of him ,
“He is endowed with a phenomenal
mathematical faculty. At the age of 21 he
wrote a treatise upon the binomial theorem.
He won a mathematical chair at one of our
smaller universities. … But the man had
hereditary tendencies of the most
diabolical kind.”
Who is Professor Moriarty?
From : The Naval Treaty: in
The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
“William Tucker’s article
brought to mind an
experiment by a scientist
with dubious credentials and
recorded by him in his
journal as follows.
Irving Lepselter, Letter-to-editor, NY Times, 11/16/1987
Day One – made loud noise behind
frog. Frog jumped 15 feet.
Day Two –
immobilized
one hind leg of
frog; then made
same loud
noise as on day
one.
Frog jumped only
3 feet
Day Three –
immobilized both
hind legs of frog,
then made many
loud noises,
louder than days
one and two.
Frog did not jump
at all
Conclusion
- when both hind legs of a frog are
immobilized,
- it becomes deaf.”
1. From what invention did Alfred Nobel make his money ?
Dynamite
2. In what fields are Nobel Prizes awarded?
Peace, Physics & Chemistry, Physiology or Medicine,
Economics, Literature
3. Where are the prizes awarded?
Stockholm, Sweden (except Peace – Oslo, Norway)
4. What extremely important field is missing?
Mathematics & Statistics
5. What was Nobel’s marital status?
He was single his entire life. Rumor has it that he became
aware of his fiancée's infidelity with a mathematician.
Ode to a lack of Nobel-ity by Bill Dunham
It is a fact that Nobel Prizes
Come in many shapes and sizes.
But one is missing from the list:
The Nobel Math Prize does not exist.
There is widely held suspicion
Explaining this bizarre omission
It says that jealousy is a the crux
Of why we get no Nobel bucks.
For Alfred Nobel became aware
Of his fiancée’s prior love affair
With a mathematician who held her tight
And thought that she was DYNAMITE.
Then Nobel, reacting as expected,
Vowed, “Mathematicians shall be neglected!”
“And if it’s Sweden they want to see,
Let them take a tour and pay the fee.”
Now, Nobel’s behavior may be a disgrace,
Yet wouldn’t the world be an even worse place
Had this lover’s purported tryst
Been, instead, with a . . . pacifist?
The absent-minded Statistics Professor:
Thinks: A
Says: B
Writes: C
Worst Part: Correct Answer D
Benjamin Disraeli
Prime Minister of England
There are
LIES,
DAMN LIES,
& STATISTICS!
Will the panelists arm themselves with
encyclopedias and fact books?
“Not really.” said Barber. “I probably will
carry two or three record books. I would
imagine, though , that my main
contribution would be my memory of
events and people. I think the dullest thing
you can get into is statistics.
From an article by Barry Cooper, Tallahassee
Democrat, July 31, 1981. [Cooper quoted the
legendary baseball announcer Red Barber about
his role in an upcoming National Public Radio
call-in show called, “ The Great Trivia Baseball
Game. “The show was designed to relieve
baseball-starved fans during the 1981 strike by
major league baseball players.]
Sir Josiah Stamp (1880-1941)
economist, statistician and
banker.
The Nightwatchman
Thomas Rowlandson
Stamp’s Law
“The government is very keen
on amassing statistics. They
collect them, add them, raise
them to the Nth power, take the
cube root, and prepare
wonderful diagrams. But you
must never forget, that every
one of these figure comes from
the village watchman,
who just puts down what he
damn pleases.”
Quotations by Hilaire Belloc
British Writer & Poet
(1870 – 1953)
Statistics are the triumph of the quantitative method, and the quantitative
method is the victory of sterility and death.
Before the curse of statistics fell upon mankind we lived a happy, innocent life,
full of merriment and go and informed by fairly good judgment.
Before Statistics
After Statistics
The Handbook of Hymen
by O. Henry
Sanderson Pratt and his partner, Idaho Green, were prospecting
in the Bitter Root Mountains of Montana. A terrible snowstorm
descends upon them. They gather all their possessions and a
huge pile of firewood into an abandoned cabin on the top of a hill.
After three weeks of being snowed in, they tire of each other’s
companionship. They divide the cabin and their possessions,
including food, in half and stop talking to each other.
Idaho happens to find two books on the top of a very tall shelf.
He decides it would only be fair if they played cards to determine
who would get first choice of the books. He wins and
as his book takes, “The Rubaiyat”. It is a book of Persian poems
(A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou) by Omar Khayyam.
By default, Pratt is left with, “Herkimer’s Handbook of
Indispensable Information.” A few days later, Sandy describes
to Idaho what is contained in the book.
“What you’ve got, says Idaho, “is statistics, the lowest grade of
information that exists. They’ll poison your mind.” …
After the snow finally melts, the two men strike it rich. They cash
in the gold and head to the small town of Rosa. They both decide
to woo the most eligible woman in town, the widow Mrs. Sampson.
They each decide to use the information from the book they have
read and memorized to impress Mrs. Sampson. Mrs. Sampson is
not impressed with the poetry that Idaho recites to her.
However later in the story, ….
“Let us sit on this log at the roadside,” says I, “and forget the
inhumanity and ribaldry of the poets. It is in the glorious
columns of ascertained facts and legalized measures that
beauty is to be found. In this very log we sit upon, Mrs.
Sampson,” says I, “is statistics more wonderful than any
poem. The rings show it was sixty years old. At the depth of
two thousand feet it would become coal in three thousand
years. The deepest coal mine in the world is at Killingworth,
near Newcastle. A box four feet long, three feet wide and two
feet eight inches deep will hold one ton of coal. If an artery is
cut, compress it above the wound. A man’s leg contains thirty
bones. The Tower of London was burned in 1841”*.
“Go on, Mr. Pratt,” says Mrs. Sampson. “Them ideas
is so original and soothing. I think statistics are just as lovely
as they can be.”
*Knowledge gained from: Herkimer’s Handbook of Indispensable Information
One liners I like to use in
teaching:
“Statistics are the food of love”, from
Late Innings by Roger Angell.
A politician uses statistics like a drunk
uses a lamppost. For support – not
illumination.
Facts are stubborn but statistics
are more pliable.
There are 2 kinds of statisticsthe kind you look up & the kind
you make up.
Aaron Levenstein
“Statistics are like a bikini.
What they reveal is suggestive,
But what they conceal is vital.”
Statistics can be used to support just
about anything...
including statisticians!!
Quotation by R. A. Fisher
Statistician, geneticist, astronomer
To call in the statistician after the
experiment is done may be no more than
asking him to perform a postmortem
examination: he may be able to say what
the experiment died of.
Indian Statistical Congress (ca. 1938)
Sir Ronald Aylmer Fisher
(1890-1962)
“Daniel’s a statistician. He sees
numbers—fractions, equations, totals –
and they spell out the odds for him.
God knows he brilliant at it; he’s saved
the lives of hundreds with those
statistics.” from the Parsifal Mosaic
by Robert Ludlum.
The Professor of Statistics in the following
story violated our Ethical Guidelines for
Statistical Practice.
A student goes up to a Professor of
Mathematics and says, “Professor, I have
been doing a lot of thinking about life and
truth recently. What’s 1+1?”
1+1=?
The Math Professor replies, “ Exactly 1 + Exactly 1 = Exactly 2
The student then goes up to a
Professor of Computer Science and says,
“Professor, I have been doing a lot of thinking
about life and truth recently. What’s 1+1?”
The Computer Science Professor replies,
“Approximately 1 + Approximately 1 = Approximately 2”
The student then goes up to his favorite
teacher, a Professor of Statistics and says,
“Professor, I have been doing a lot of
thinking about life and truth recently.
What’s 1+1?”
The Statistics Professor replies, “This is a
deep and profound question. Please come
into my office to discuss it. Then the
Professor turns out the lights in the office
and whispers into the student’s ear,
“What do you want it to be?”
A statistician had received numerous grants
and published so many papers he was able to
negotiate into his contract that the university
would have to provide him with a chauffeured
limousine whenever he traveled within 500
miles to give a lecture.
On one of his return trips he asked the
chauffeur how he thought his lecture had
been received.
The chauffeur said , “Professor the lecture was well
received as usual. However, I have heard the talk so many
times that I could deliver the presentation and
no one would know the difference.”
They made a bet and on the way to the next lecture, when
they got within 10 miles of the university, they swapped
clothes.
The chauffeur gave the lecture and all was going quite
well until the end of the presentation when the chauffeur
thought to himself, “What would the professor say at this
point.” Then he blurted out, without thinking of the
ramifications, “Are there any questions?”
A hand went up in the audience, a graduate student stood
up and said, “Professor, on slide #16 you have a +, but I
think is should be a - , and therefore all the rest of your
slides are incorrect.”
The chauffeur was momentarily stunned,
but being quick witted he said to the
student, “ I have been asked many
questions at the end of my presentations.
But I must say that that is the stupidest
question anyone has ever asked me.
In fact it is so stupid that…
I am going to ask the chauffeur in the back
row to answer it.”
There once was a group of Biostatisticians and a group of Epidemiologists riding
together on a
to joint meetings.
All the Epidemiologists had tickets, but the Biostatisticians only had
one ticket between them. Inquisitive by nature, the Epidemiologists
asked the Biostatisticians how they were going to get away with
only one ticket. The Biostatisticians said, “Easy. We have
methods for dealing with that.”
Later when the conductor came to punch tickets, all the Biostatisticians
slipped quietly into the bathroom. When the conductor knocked on
the door, the head Biostatistician slipped their one ticket under the door
thoroughly fooling the layman conductor.
After the joint meetings were over, the Biostatisticians
and the Epidemiologists again found themselves
on the same train. Always quick to catch on,
the Epidemiologists had purchased one ticket between
them. The Biostatisticians (always on the cutting edge)
had purchased NO tickets for the trip home.
Confused, the Epidemiologists asked the Biostatisticians,
“We understand how your methods worked when
you had one ticket, but how can you possibly
get away with no tickets?” “Easy,” replied
the Biostatisticians smugly, “We have different
methods for dealing with that situation.”
Later, when the conductor was in the next car,
all the Epidemiologists trotted off to the bathroom
with their one ticket and all the Biostatisticians
packed themselves into the other bathroom.
Shortly, the head Biostatistician crept over to
where the Epidemiologists were hiding and
knocked authoritatively on the door. As they had
been instructed, the Epidemiologists slipped
their one ticket under the door. The head
Biostatistician took the Epidemiologists’
one and only ticket and returned triumphantly
to the Biostatistician group. Of course,
the Epidemiologists were subsequently
discovered and publicly humiliated.
MORAL OF THE STORY. Do not use statistical methods
unless you understand the principles behind them.
Acknowledgements
Statisticians vs. Epidemiologists – my adaptation (Jim Norton) of
Bob Kaufman who adapted it from a story passed by
Kay Meyer from Katie Kerr
The Uckermark region of Germany is an hour
north of Berlin. Its eastern border is the Oder
River which divides Germany from Poland.
According to Dr. Peter Plaufer, Department of
Statistics, Technical University of Dortmund, it has
an unjustified reputation of being very boring.
A woman goes to the doctor.
His prognosis: She has just a year to live.
The woman asks, “Can I do anything about it?”
“Yes”, the doctor replies. “Marry a statistician and move
with him to Uckermark.”
“Will I live longer?”
“No, but the remaining time will feel like eternity.”
I believe the calculation of the Quantity of Probability might be improved to be very useful & pleasant
Speculation and applied to a great many Events which are accidental, besides those of Games.
Where a mathematical reasoning can be had, it’s a great folly to make use of any other, as to grope for a
thing in the dark when you have a candle standing by you.
John Arbuthnot (1667 -1735)
from Bridge, Probability, & Information by Robert MacKinnon
Nothing occurs at random. ( Leucippus, 5th century BC)
It is remarkable that a science which began with the consideration of games of
chance should have become the most important object of human knowledge.
The theory of probabilities is basically only common sense reduced to a calculation.
It makes one estimate accurately what right-minded people feel by a sort of
instinct, often without being able to give a reason for it.
Pierre-Simon Marquis de Laplace (1749-1827)
Whenever you can, count.
Sir Francis Galton (1822-1911)
“Not everything that can be counted counts,
and not everything that counts can be counted.”
“Can you do Addition?” the White Queen said. “What are one and
one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and
one?”
“I don’t know” said Alice, “I lost count.”
She can’t do Addition”, The Red Queen interrupted.
Alice “a-dressing the White Queen”
Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
Art by John Tenniel (1865)
If Experimentation is the Queen of the Sciences,
surely Statistical Methods must be regarded as
the Guardian of the Royal Virtue.
(from a letter to Science from Myron Tribus, (1921- )
Director of Advanced Engineering Study at MIT)
From: Statistics Concepts and Controversies by David Moore
The Undoing of Lamia Gurdleneck by K.A.C. Manderville
In The Advanced Theory of Statistics (Vol. 2)
By Maurice G. Kendall & Alan Stuart
“You haven’t told me yet,” said Lady Nuttal, “what it is your fiancé
does for a living.” “He’s a statistician,” replied Lamia, with an
annoying sense of being on the defensive. Lady Nuttal was obviously
taken aback. It had not occurred to her that statisticians entered into
normal social relationships. The species, she would have surmised,
was perpetuated in some collateral manner, like mules. “But Aunt
Sara, it’s a very interesting profession,” said Lamia warmly. “I don’t
doubt it,” said her aunt, who obviously doubted it very much. “To
express anything important in mere figures is so plainly impossible
that there must be endless scope for well-paid advice on how to do it.
But don’t you think that life with a statistician would be rather, shall
we say, humdrum?’ Lamia was silent. She felt reluctant to discuss
the surprising depth of emotional possibility which she had
discovered below Edward’s numerical veneer.
“It’s not the figures themselves,” she said finally, “it’s what you do
with them that matters.”
“Daniel’s a statistician. He sees
numbers—fractions, equations, totals –
and they spell out the odds for him.
God knows he brilliant at it; he’s saved
the lives of hundreds with those
statistics.” from the Parsifal Mosaic
by Robert Ludlum.
When the Lord created the world and people to live in it—an enterprise
which, according to modern science, took a very long time—I could well
imagine that He reasoned with Himself as follows:
“If I make everything predictable, these human beings , whom I have
endowed with pretty good brains, will undoubtedly learn to predict
everything, and they will thereupon have no motive to do anything at all,
because they will recognize that the future is totally determined and
cannot be influenced by any human action.
On the other hand, if I make everything unpredictable, they will
gradually discover that there is no rational basis for any decision
whatsoever and, as in the first case, they will thereupon have no motive
to do anything at all. Neither scheme would make sense.
I must therefore create a mixture of the two. Let some things be
predictable and let others be unpredictable. They will then, amongst
many other things, have the very important task of finding out which is
which.”
E.F. Schumacher
Small is Beautiful
And who better to undertake this important task than statisticians.
Bennett’s Classification for Reading Medical Articles
(JAMA 1992 267:7 920)
Medical student
Intern
Reads entire article but does not understand what any of it
means.
Uses journal as a pillow during nights on call.
Resident
Would like to read entire article but eats dinner instead.
Chief resident
Skips articles entirely and reads the classifieds.
Junior attending
Reads and analyzes entire article in order to pimp medical
students.
Reads abstracts and quotes the literature liberally.
Senior attending
Research attending
Reads entire article, reanalyzes statistics, and looks up all
references, usually in lieu of sex.
Chief of service
Reads references to see if he was cited anywhere.
Private attending
Doesn’t buy journals in the first place but keeps an eye open for
medical articles that make it into Time or Newsweek.
Emeritus attending
Reads entire article but does not understand what any of it
means.
From W. H. Auden
Under Which Lyre:
A Reactionary Tract for the Times
(partial poem)
Thou shalt not do as the dean pleases,
Thou shalt not write thy doctor's thesis
On education.
Thou shalt not worship projects nor
Shalt thou or thine bow down before
Administration.
WH Auden
(1907-1973)
Thou shalt not answer questionnaires
Or quizzes upon world affairs,
Nor with compliance
Take any test. Thou shalt not sit
With statisticians nor commit
A social science.
Thou shalt not be on friendly terms
With guys in advertising firms,
Nor speak with such
As read the Bible for prose,
Nor, above all, make love to those
Who wash too much.
Thou shall not live within thy means
Nor on plain water and raw greens.
If thou must choose
Between the chances, choose the odd;
Read the New Yorker, trust in God,
And take short views.
From: Statistics Concepts and Controversies by David Moore
A Test Prayer
Now I lay me down to study
I pray the Lord I won’t go nutty.
If I fail to learn this junk
I pray the Lord I will not flunk.
But if I do, don’t pity me at all
Just lay my bones down in study hall.
Tell my teacher I did my best
Then pile my books down upon my chest.
Now I lay me down to rest
And I pray I’ll pass tomorrow’s test.
If I should die before I wake
That’s one less test I’ll have to take.
The Professor’s Song
Words by Tom Lehrer – Tune: “If You Give Me Your Attention’
From Princess Ida (Gilbert and Sullivan)
If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
I’m a brilliant mathematician – also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact, one of each:
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it’s true,
And I can’t see why it isn’t all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that I’m hard to understand.
And I can’t think why.
My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility
Take a word like “
“ (to choose a random word*)
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Thought frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear.
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And I can’t think why.
* minimum
Consider, for example, just the force of
gravity:
It’s inversely proportional to something
– let me see –
It’s r3 – no, r2 – no, it’s just r, I’ll bet—
The sign in front is plus – or is it minus,
I forget—
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that
there is not doubt
All these formulas are trivial if you only
think them out.
Yet students tell me, “ I have memorized
the whole year through
Ev’rything you’ve told us, but the
problem I can’t do.”
And I can’t think why.
From: Statistics Concepts and Controversies by David Moore
An obese statistician named Rouse
To his physician would continually grouse
“My head and feet are so little
And I bulge in the middle.”
Said the doc, You’re quite normal,” by Gauss.”
“Normal” people have bumper stickers such as:
SUPPORT CANCER RESEARCH
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS
SUPPORT THE UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT HUSKIES!
But overly “sensitive” statisticians have bumper stickers
as seen on the next slide.
Use of ? to prevent death and major trauma related to … :
Systematic review of randomised controlled trials.
Smith GC, Pell JP. BMJ: Volume 327:
December 2003: 1459-1460.
Main outcome measure: Death or major trauma defined as ISS >15.
Results: We were unable to identify any randomised controlled
trials of ? intervention.
Conclusions: As with many interventions intended to
prevent ill health, the effectiveness of ? has not been
subjected to rigorous evaluation by using randomised
controlled trials. Advocates of evidence based medicine
have criticized the adoption of interventions
evaluated by using only observational data.
We think that everyone might benefit if the
most radical protagonists of evidence based medicine
organized and participated in a double blind,
randomised, placebo controlled , crossover trial of the ?.
Parachute use to prevent death and major trauma
related to gravitational challenge:
Systematic review of randomised controlled trials
Hypothesis Testing
H0: Lucy is not a liar
H1: Lucy is a liar
What’s the p-value?
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/peanuts/
images/a/ab/Pe660925.jpg/revision/latest?c
b=20131208184939
From end of course evaluations:
“Who knew statistics could be fun?”
“Uses great examples, stories, and jokes”
“His efforts to make the subject material fun
and interesting is greatly appreciated”
However, not all agree:
• “Attempts to make Stats an
interesting subject. Gets an A for
effort, but Stats suck”
• “Boring”
• “Irrelevant stories”
• “Keep your day job”