Transcript Developing Communication Skills

FACS 56 life management
the communication process
nonverbal messages & culture
culture—set of traditional beliefs & values
that are shared in a given group
•can exist within a country, a business,
or a family
•can be based upon age, occupations
or income, sexual orientation, ethnic or
racial heritage, or religious beliefs
•differences in people from two-parent
families & single-parent families; those
that are able bodied compared to those
with disabilities
nonverbal messages & culture
nonverbal communication can be
communicated differently from culture to
culture
gestures—some use a lot; some are more
reserved
offensive gestures?
facial expressions were thought to be
universal—study with Japanese medical
students proved this wrong
communication interference
what are some common interferences in
two-way communication?
•noise—tv, kids, loud music, etc…
•receiver’s emotional state—too tired,
hungry, worried about something else
•prejudice
•lack of trust or rapport
the sender needs to
analyze the situation—
eliminate barriers or
postpone conversation
communication interference
if people exchange messages in an
environment of acceptance they feel
valued—trust emerges
with each positive interaction people are
willing to risk more and more trust
develops
with more trust comes more
openness, freedom and
spontaneity within the
relationship
effective communication
each of us communicates in a particular
way—take the time to identify strengths &
weaknesses
effective communication
•some make sense of the world by seeing
•others by hearing
•some begin conversation with small talk
•others get right to the point
•some have more highly developed
interpersonal skills—
more sensitive to the
meaning of the responses
of others
effective communication
differences in style are normal
an awareness of styles helps us to identify
successful communication strategies
we should strive to be flexible and feel
comfortable with different styles
examples?
effective communication
we also need to be aware of personal
prejudices
we all develop beliefs & attitudes in
childhood that rationally we no longer
accept, but they still affect our emotions
and reactions
BE ALERT to these feelings & learn to
moderate them—then we can grow
personally and improve our relationships
effective communication
for effective communication we want an
atmosphere that is open and trusting
“I” statements vs. “you” statements
You make me so angry!
I feel so upset.
•“you” places blame
•“I” focuses on what the sender knows—
personal feelings, motives & actions
3-step assertion model
being open about personal feelings &
desires is part of good communication
many people find this difficult—especially
when dealing with issues they would
rather avoid, ignore or deny
examples include
asking for help/a
favor, or admitting
a mistake
3-step assertion model
difficult situation examples:
•asking a housemate to help keep the
house clean
•asking a guest at your party to stop
drinking
•asking a boss to plan ahead better
instead of operating in crisis mode
can you think of any in
your own life?
3-step assertion model
opportunities to use “I” statements and the
3-step assertion model:
…I feel…
…I want…
…I vow…
1. begin by identifying situation using
facts only
2. do not place blame or judge
3. just describe the situation
4. focus on the action or behavior, not the
person
3-step assertion model
opportunities to use “I” statements and the
3-step assertion model:
…I feel…
…I want…
…I vow…
1. begin by identifying situation using
facts only, do not place blame or judge
2. just describe the situation—focus on
the action or behavior, not the person
3. move into the assertion model
3-step assertion model
I feel…
•how you feel cannot be challenged by
others—you are the authority
•informing others of your feelings can
provide them with valuable feedback
I want…
•people are not mind readers
•it is unfair to assume the know what you
want or need
•your responsibility to tell them
3-step assertion model
I vow…
•a statement of what you want to do
•needs to be a plan independent of the
other person
•needs to avoid threat or judgment—
create trusting environment
3-step assertion model
EXAMPLE:
The house is very dirty. The kitchen
counters are covered in crumbs and
dishes are piled high in the sink.
Does not place blame or judge, focuses
on the situation not the person, uses facts.
3-step assertion model
EXAMPLE:
I really feel uncomfortable when the
kitchen is dirty.
I want the dishes to be rinsed off and put
in the dishwasher after every meal.
I am willing to do all of my own dishes,
but not yours.
3-step assertion model
like any new habit, being assertive will feel
uncomfortable at first
people who have made being assertive a
habit are easier to be around, less
stressed, and happier
participation activity:
practicing the assertion model pgs. 173-4
…Consider something small that has been
irritating you. Imagine how you might
normally handle that problem. Using the 3step assertion model, write out the script of
what you might say (figure 17-6)
…Wait a day or two & re-read the script—
make improvements where needed.
…Use the script to assertively discuss the
irritation with the other person involved
…Write about your experience (figure 17-7)
what were the results, your feelings, what
you wish you had done differently