07-Love&Communication
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Transcript 07-Love&Communication
Love & Communication
Which is most important,
making love, or being
loved?
Masters & Johnson
“The issue is not ‘making love’ but ‘being
loved’”
Questions
How many been “in love”?
How many hurt in past relationships?
What does it take for you to love
someone?
What does it take for you to stop loving
them?
Experiences together build
trust and bonds
Positive
Negative
Traditions
Rose story
What are the three most
important parts of love?
Sternberg’s Theory of Love
Three parts
Passion
Romance & Sex
Intimacy
Bondedness, closeness
Commitment
Decision to love & maintain the relationship
Intimacy & commitment - most predictive
of stability & longevity
Sternberg’s Theory of Love
Maintaining sexual variety
Sharing fantasies
Batman
Airline restroom
Avoiding routine time and place
Planning for intimate time
Characteristics of longterm successful marriages
Parents had happy marriages
Adequate, steady income
Similar attitudes and personality styles
Reasons for success of a
marriage in 300 couples
My partner is my best friend
Marriage is a long-term commitment
My partner has grown more interesting over
time
Commitment
Good communication
Shared interests
Ability to face and deal with conflict
Good sex was not given as a reason for
success
Communication
Why discussing sex can be
difficult
Clinical language is too clinical
Street language is too crude
Active and passive
listening
Active listening
Passive listening
Unconditional positive
regard
Dr. Bob’s “I love you” test
“No matter what happened, I still love you”
“Why” questions
The use of “why” in an argument:
Puts the other person on the defensive
Implies they must explain to your satisfaction.
“You” question (statement), not an “I” statement
“You” statements
Tend to be interpreted as attacks on the other
“I” statements
Express feelings without blaming the other person
Obtaining closure after
criticism or an argument
Focus on future changes both of you can
make
Do not focus on who was right or wrong