Transcript Conflict Resolution

FCFA April 2001 Training
“Seek First To Understand, before
being Understood”
Dr. Stephen R. Covey
“I’ve learned that people are doing
the best that they can with what
they know, and sometimes they just
don’t know”
Author Unknown
I have learned that it takes courage
and integrity to look at one’s self in
the mirror of one’s mind.
Author Unknown
I have learned that it is easier to
criticize than to empathize.
Author Unknown
Conflict Resolution
Agenda
I have learned that anger, fear and
shame can paralyze people.
I have learned that it's all just a
State of Mind.
I have learned that I have seen the
enemy and it is I.
I have learned that you can soothe
the savage beast with kindness.
I have learned that happiness or
unhappiness is a by-product of one’s
character.
I have learned that life isn’t suppose
to be easy, its just suppose to be
worth it.
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Scripture
Definition
Causes Of Conflict
Benefits Of Conflict
Communicate Through Conflict
Conclusion
Scripture
• Act 26:1 -32
• Act 15:1-40
• Gen. 13: 1- 11
Definition
• con·flict
“Seek First To Understand, before
being Understood”
Dr. Stephen R. Covey
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I have learned that to err is human
and that we are human.
I have learned to keep on keeping
on
.
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I have learned that mercy and
forgiveness are difficult but
necessary.
I have learned that anger and hate
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are sisters.
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Pronunciation: 'kän-"flikt
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin conflictus
act of striking together, from confligere to strike
together, from com- + fligere to strike -- more at
PROFLIGATE
1 : FIGHT, BATTLE, WAR
2 a : competitive or opposing action of
incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of
divergent ideas, interests, or persons) b : mental
struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing
needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal
demands
3 : the opposition of persons or forces that gives rise
to the dramatic action in a drama or fiction
synonym see DISCORD
Definition
• res·o·lu·tion
“Seek First To Understand, before
being Understood”
Dr. Stephen R. Covey
“I’ve learned that people are doing
the best that they can with what
they know, and sometimes they just
don’t know”
Author Unknown
I have learned that it takes courage
and integrity to look at one’s self in
the mirror of one’s mind.
Author Unknown
I have learned that it is easier to
criticize than to empathize.
Author Unknown
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•
•
•
•
Pronunciation: "re-z&-'lü-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French or
Latin; Middle French resolution, from Latin
resolution-, resolutio, from resolvere
Date: 14th century
1 : the act or process of reducing to simpler form: as
a : the act of analyzing a complex notion into
simpler ones b : the act of answering : SOLVING
Causes Of Conflict
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
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Communication Failure
Personality Clashes
Value and Goal Differences
Substandard Performance
Differences Over Method
Responsibility Issues
Benefits Of Conflict
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
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Open up hidden issues
Clarify Issues
Improve Problem Solving
Increase involvement in decision making
Increase cooperation and productivity
Helps develop effective working relationships
Discovers “best” decision in a situation
Provides way to get feelings out in the open
Promotes Confidence in
Communicate through Conflict
• DON’TS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
• Placating - denying that a conflict exists
– “better to keep peace than to fight attitude”
– you avoid issues by downplaying(“let’s just
pray about it” could be a way of placating)
• Pouncing - ignore or eliminate other person in
conflict
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–
–
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“my view is the only right one”
accusations, hostile questioning, etc…
fail to acknowledge the other person’s opinion
you give an air of superiority and intimidation
• Distracting - trying to change the subject
– by changing subject you hope the conflict will
go away
– It fails to acknowledge the subject matter
Communicate through Conflict
• DON’TS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
• Computing - ignore the emotional climate of
conflict
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–
–
–
“mature people don’t get emotional”
dehumanizing a conflict(want only facts)
fail to acknowledge other person’s feelings
Remain detached and speak in the third person
Communicate through Conflict
• DOS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
• Use Descriptive Language
– be clear of your statements about events &
behaviors related to the conflict
• Set Limits
– stick with the content
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
• Being Disclosive
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
• Offer Support
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
– reveal your thoughts, feelings, intentions,
motivations that the other person cannot
observe
– use statements that express understanding,
acceptance, or positive regard for the other
person
Communicate through Conflict
• DOS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
• Emphasizing commonalities
– find what you have in common.
– Statements that comment on common ground
• Accepting Responsibility
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
– accept your responsibility to the conflict
• Initiate Problem Solving
– statements that initiate mutual consideration of
solutions(mutual reward theory)
• Use Relationship Reminders
– Remind each other that your conflict arises
within the context of mutual commitment and
respect
Communicate through Conflict
• DOS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
• Role Reversal
– Act out each other’s point of view
– Walk in the other person’s shoes
• Fractionating
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
– If conflict have many issues involved, separate
the issues and deal with them one by one
• Avoiding Triggers
– Ask yourself what is causing the conflict.
– Is it over content, identity, or values?
• Avoid Gunnysacking
– Do not use a conflict to bring up other nonrelated issues that has been festering inside you
for sometime
Communicate through Conflict
• DOS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
• Defusing
– Listen, identify areas of agreement
– Match your non-verbal gestures with your
verbal
– Find the right climate and location
• Use The Passive Voice vs. the Active Voice
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You hurt me(active voice)
I was hurt by you(passive voice)
Passive Voice brings empathy
Active Voice tends to bring defensiveness
Communicate through Conflict
• DOS
“Conflict is inevitable and natural”
“People have disagreements
because they are different. Conflict
is about different points of views.”
“If we really want to “resolve” or
eliminate conflict, we would have to
eliminate our differences-or other
people
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
• Use I statements
– I feel that you..., I sense that you…
– You avoid stating a fact when it is nothing more
than your opinion
• “you aren’t doing your job”
Speaker/Listerner Model
WORLD OF
SENDER
WORLD OF
RECEIVER
Thoughts,
Feelings
Message
Encoding
Transmission
Decoding
Thoughts,
Feelings
Decoding
Feedback
Encoding
Conclusion
“Seek First To Understand, before
being Understood”
Dr. Stephen R. Covey
“I’ve learned that people are doing
the best that they can with what
they know, and sometimes they just
don’t know”
Author Unknown
Effective communication is
consequences of the choices we
make about people and situations.
It’s about human relations.
Ken White and Elwood Chapman
• Resolving conflict requires mutual
respect by all parties to come to the
conclusion that conflict arises because
we are different. Conflict resolution is
an art that must be perfected by
commitment of two opposing parties. It
is not an inherited trait but a learned
behavior. Remember effective
communication is consequences of the
choices we make about people and
situations. It’s about human relations.