Transcript Communication with other people

Interpersonal
Communication
Faculty of Letters
Maranatha Christian University
Kinds of COMMUNICATION:
1. INTRAPERSONAL Communication:
= Communication with ourselves
2. INTERPERSONAL Communication:
= Communication with other people
3. MASS MEDIA Communication:
= Communication through mass media
Levels of communicating skill:
high self-esteem
I
positive self-image
I
confidence in relating with others
I
ability to converse with others
I
using word power in business/personal relationship
I
public speaking speeches and presentation
Interpersonal Communication involves:
SENDER
RECEIVER
Problems often occur in:
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
Why?
Fact:
People have different interpretation in looking
at something due to differences in VALUES
Case-2 & 3 :
 Kissing 3 times by the Dutch people
 Way of eating in Sundanese’ and Batak’s culture
v.s.
GENDER
Men & Women look
at things differently
HIS values :
Power, Competency, Efficiency,
Achievement
“A man’s sense of self is defined
through his ability to achieve result”
HER values:
Love, Communication, Beauty,
Relationship
“A woman’s sense of self is defined
through her feelings & the quality of
her relationship”
Case-1 (bad communication):
Problem: Tom and Mary were going to a party. Tom
was driving. They were lost.
Mary said “Let’s find some help, we’re lost!
Tom became very silent
They eventually arrived at the party, but the tension from
that moment persisted the whole evening. Mary had no
idea why he was so upset.
Mary thought (in her confusion):
“Was I saying something wrong? “I love
and care about him, so I was offering him
help.”
Mary’s value: showing love and care
Tom thought (in his being indignant):
When Mary suggested for a help, my ears
heard: “I don’t trust you to get us there. You
are incompetent!”
Tom’s value: accomplish goal without help
Solution:
understanding the others’ values
In Tom’s & Mary’s case (according to John Gray):
For Mary: not giving
assertive advice
(honoring him by
assuming he can
solve his problem)
=
For Tom: understanding Mary’s value of ‘showing love & care’
& not being angry with her suggestion for help
Exercise:
- Think about a case in your life when you
meet people with different VALUES & how
you deal with it (positively / negatively).
Share the experiences with your friends
Communication skills consisted of:
 SPEAKING:
 Aggressive speaking
 Nonassertive speaking
 Passive-aggressive speaking
 Assertive Speaking
 LISTENING
(a good way to understand the others’ values)
 Passive Listening
 Selective Listening
 Attentive Listening
 Active Listening
The no. 1 conversational MISTAKE often done
by people is:
NOT LISTENING
Hearing  Listening
HEARING =
- know that a sound is being made, using your ears
LISTENING =
- paying attention to what people are saying
- usually written in progressive form
e.g.:
Mirna cannot hear the phone ringing
because she is listening to music
LISTENING including paying attention to three
components:
- WORDS : the verbal component of the message;
that is, “what the speaker is saying”
- TONE OF VOICE: the flavor that comes from the speaker’s
voice that impacts how the words are being said
- BODY LANGUAGE: a nonverbal component that describes
“how the speaker’s message is being conveyed” (incl:
gestures, eye contact, facial expressions & postures)
Note: How the message is said through
body language & tone of voice (NON
VERBAL COMMUNICATION) often provides
more IMPACT than verbal message.
Case-4:
1. Say the following sentence with a
smile on your face:
YOU’RE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND
2. Repeat the same sentence with a
frown on your face
3. Say the following sentence in a
calm and sincere tone: “You’re a
really good friend.”
4. Now repeat the same sentence with
a sarcastic tone in your voice
TIPS to GOOD LISTENING
1. Study Eye Contact
2. Sincere facial expressions: a smile when the
message is upbeat, a look of concern when the
message sounds serious, or a patient look when the
speaker is contemplating his / her thought
3. Open, receptive body language
4. Encouraging, nonjudgmental tones
5. CONCENTRATION (= giving full attention to the matter
at hand & of being truly present in the conversation)
Case –5:
A FUN ACTIVITY of LISTENING
Need 2 persons to do this
ACTIVE LISTENING
:
-You-focused (not me-focused):
maintain the focus on the speaker and his/her message, not on
themselves
- Drawing out, reflecting back on the message:
active listeners help the speaker to get his / her facts and
feelings across & reflect back the listener’s understanding of
the message
- Receive and stay nonjudgmental:
active listeners stay neutral and respectful
- Less said:
Active listeners talk, but they usually say much less than
speakers (only say a few words or a sentence or two)
The top ten conversational mistakes
Not listening
Negative statement
Failing to respond
Interrupting
Arrogant assertion
Straying from the point
Arguing
“Bearer of gloom”
Criticising/complaining about others
talking about yourself
Common characteristics in People’s Behaviour :
 Early childhood influences tend to influence adult behaviour
 We can’t help the way we feel but we can help the way we react
 We are all more interested in ourselves than anything else
 We communicate as much through our bodies as through words
• Satisfy the other person’s need for self-esteem and he or
she becomes more friendly and approachable
• Help others like themselves better and we will find them
easier to get along with
• We often blame other people for what we do not like in
ourselves
• Labels that people attach to us limit our freedom and our
potential for achievement
 When we remind ourselves that other
people are important, our attitude will
communicate itself to other people
 Our own attitudes are reflected back to us
from other people
 Act enthusiastically and we arouse the
enthusiasm of others, act confidently and
others will have confidence in us
 Other people tend to accept us at our own
evaluation
 We need to realize that other people are
different and that this is reasonable and
logical
TIP :
Treat a conversation like a TENNIS MATCH:
- the other person serves, you return the ball and vice
versa
Remember !
- EVERYONE WANTS TO BE
LIKED BY OTHER PEOPLE
- HUMANS ARE ALL INNATELY
SELFISH
(who will you see in a picture
containing some people, incl. you?)