Transcript Skills for Civil Discourse

Skills for Civil Discourse
An FYE Conversation
Facilitated by
Pat Ashton
Department of Sociology
Peace and Conflict Studies
September 18, 2006
The Problem: Absence of Tolerance
The Problem: Absence of Tolerance
The Problem: Absence of Tolerance
The Solution: Civil Discourse
Skills for Civil Discourse
 Critical
thinking
 Communication/Dialogue
 Active
listening skills
Attending
 Responding

 Centered

communication
“I” messages
What does it mean to listen?
The art of active listening: Paraphrasing
How to paraphrase:
1.
2.
3.
Focus on the speaker. (“You….”)
Restate and reflect. (facts and emotions)
Be brief (3 – 12 words)
Listening exercise
Identify a partner.
Decide who goes first.
Talk about something you enjoy doing.
Partner uses active listening and paraphrasing.
Switch roles.
Centered communication
“I messages” are used to provide important
information to another person about:
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
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
my emotions.
my needs.
the impact of their actions on me.
my views and preferences.
my intentions/purposes/goals.
Centered communication
Centered speaking is most effective when it:
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is rooted in the here-and-now
avoids blaming or accusing the other.
talks about specific events and behaviors.
is honest.
commands, not demands, respect for my feelings.
takes responsibility for my own feelings.
recognizes that I can only change me, not you.
Centered communication
Techniques of centered communication:

Preference stating


“I’d rather….”
Purpose stating
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
“I would prefer….”
“My purpose is to….”
“What I’m trying to do is….”
Posture of puzzlement
“I’m puzzled by what you mean.”
 “I’m confused about why you would say that.”

A dialogue exercise: a love story
Mirf
Nix
Zug
Ruz
Beliefs and norms: a love story
Mirf
Nix
Who is the most
despicable – i.e.,
the most morally
reprehensible,
and why?
Zug
Ruz
The dialogue
1.
2.
Find someone who disagrees with you.
Discuss your disagreement using


Paraphrasing
“I” messages
Wrapup
How did it feel to do this?
Can you use these skills in other discussions
and debates?