Transcript Fundamentals - Peace and Conflict Studies

PACS 3700/COMM 3700
Communication & Conflict Management
Sept 10, 2014
Conflict Communication
Announcements:
• Please get online textbook vouchers in—they
are needed by next week!
– If you haven’t turned one in yet, you can buy it,
take a picture of it, and send me the picture by
email. Then give me the actual piece of paper
next week.
Announcements:
• Complete Tom Sebok handout linked to course
schedule page.
• Tom’s lecture and his handout will be on the
first midterm!
Assignment #2
• Actually USING Active Listening & I messages
• TWO appropriate conversations (at least one
conflict)
• Do sometime from now on (not in the past)
• Due 9 am Oct. 13—but don’t leave it to the
last minute!
Assignment #2, cont.
• Write a 1-2 page report on what happened for
each (2-4 pages total)
– Describe what the situation was (briefly)
– What you did (so I can tell if you used the
techniques properly)
– What happened
– How it felt (natural, unnatural, challenging [how])
(Exact questions are on the assignment details on
D2L. Be sure to read those!)
For all assignments:
• Format in MS word, rtf or pdf. NOT pages!!
• Put your name and assignment number on the
filename (burgess-A1.docx)
• Put your name on the first page of the
document also.
• Put both reports in the same document (2
stories, but one file to open)
• Turn into dropbox and get a receipt!
Questions?
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
Question:
What were your
“take aways” from
Tom’s
presentation?
The things that resonated most
with me were:
• Bad conflict communication is “natural”
• Good conflict communication can seem awkward,
hard, even inappropriate.
• Good conflict communication takes lots of
practice and continued vigilance. (Like playing
tennis.)
• Is it worth it? Look at the alternatives!
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
Other key points:
• The goal of effective conflict communication is to
make it safe to disagree.
• Watch out for “banana peels.”
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
From past years…did he say it this time?
• The only person you can change (reliably) is
yourself.
• So if you want to change the outcome, then
change yourself
– the way you think about the problem,
– the way you respond to the problem – and your
response MIGHT change the other person’s response.
But the key is:
Focus on YOUR behavior first,
EVEN WHEN
THEY are the problem!
Continuing on w/ Tom’s handout…
• I-statements (messages) and You-statements
(messages.
• What are they? Do they always start with the
word “I”?
• What are the advantages of I-statements?
– Disadvantages?
I-statements
• What are some “banana peels” of Istatements?
• Practice – see exercise on page 5. Then try
again with the scenario on page 4.
Describe the Gap
• Another “three part” technique.
• Used when expectations are not fulfilled.
1. Start with the facts about what was
expected.
2. Describe what actually happened or didn’t
happen.
3. Ask an open-ended question about why
things didn’t go as planned.
Can combine w/ 3 part messaging
to create “4 or 5-part messaging”
• Part 4 – Describe the impact on you (using an
I-statement)
• Part 5 – Make a request…how would you like
the situation fixed?
• Practice with scenario on page 6.
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
• Strategies to know:
– Active listening (also called empathic listening)
– I-messages
– 3-part messaging (facts, impact, request)
– Describing the [expectation] gap (expectation,
facts, explanation of what happened—or
sometimes, solution.)
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
• Things to know about each skill:
– What they are
– How and why they are used
– Advantages, disadvantages
– When to use them
– When NOT to use them
– Other caveats (Tom calls them “banana peels”)
In groups of 2, fill out this chart
Skill
Active Lis.
I-messages
3-part mess.
Des. Gap.
Advantages
Disadvantages
When Use
When NOT
use
Active Listening “Banana Peels”
Neal Katz’s diagram of active listening traps.
I message “Banana Peels”
– Other person doesn’t care about what you
think.
– It comes off self-centered, uncaring about the
other.
– Can be interpreted as manipulative.
How do you avoid these?
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
• “Banana Peels” for Gap
– Phrase facts as “you message”
– Accusatory “what happened”
– Sometimes – if you’re in crisis situation
because of someone’s failure to keep a
promise, etc., finding out the answer to “what
happened” is less crucial than solving the
immediate problem.
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
• More on three part messaging:
Mary Rowe suggests writing a letter (or email).
11. What are the advantages of this?
12. Disadvantages?
13. What about conflict (resolution) by phone?
(Advantages/disadvantages)
14. Text? (Advantages/disadvantages)
PowerPoint Summary of: Conflict and
Communication
The “Four Horsemen”
Comm & Con Exercise Part III
1. Can you think of any examples where
someone has used one or more of these
communication modes against you?
(Describe in 1 or 2 sentences)
2. What was your response?
3. Can you think of a time YOU used one of
these modes? What was the result then?
4. Can you think of another approach that
might have worked better?
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
• Practice Exercise 4:
You walked into the kitchen in the apartment you share with
two other roommates and noticed that Chris left her/his
dirty dishes (now being marched all over by a battalion of
ants) on the kitchen counter – despite an agreement
among all three of you that dirty dishes would be put in
the dishwasher.
1) Respond with one or more of the 4 horsemen. Play that
dialogue out.
2) Use one of Tom’s strategies for good conflict
communication and play that one out.
3) Compare.
4) What are impediments to doing #2 in real life?
PowerPoint Summary of: Improving
Conflict Communication
• MORE PRACTICE EXERCISES: Initiating discussion about YOUR
concerns . . .
2. You are upset that your roommate has been borrowing your clothes.
Although you aren’t certain, you thought your Roommate Agreement
covered that topic but s/he has been borrowing your clothes without
asking. Use an I Statement or Open-Ended Question to raise this
concern with your roommate.
PowerPoint Summary of: Conflict and
Communication
Useful Link
• How to Stop Fighting A Seven-Step Tutorial for People
Involved in Relationship Conflicts
• http://stopfighting.crinfo.org/special_projects/stop_fi
ghting/index.jsp