Transcript CASE

Business communication
Chapter 2
Fundamental of
business writing
Contents
Written communication
Adaptation and the selection of words
Construction of clear sentences
Writing for effect
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE
 A colleague has just sent you an email
relating to a meeting you're having in one
hour's time. The email is supposed to
contain key information that you need to
present, as part of the business case for an
important project.
 But there's a problem: The email is so badly
written that you can't find the data you need.
There are misspellings and incomplete
sentences, and the paragraphs are so long
and confusing that it takes you three times
more than it should to find the information
you want.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
As a result, you're under-prepared for
the meeting, and it doesn't go as well
as you want it to.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
A.Written communication
Written communication involves any
type of interaction that makes use of
the written word.
It is very common in business
situations. so it is important to
develop effective written
communication skills.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Writing ability is especially important
in customer communication. Business
proposals, status reports, customer
documentation, technical support, or
even e-mail replies all depend on clear
written communication.
The better your writing skills are, the
better the impression you'll make on
the people around you – including your
boss, your colleagues, and your clients.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
B.Adapation and the selection of words
What is Adaptation?
fitting the messages to the specific
readers
There are many diction levels to
language, and many ways to say
something.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
How to adapt?
A. Understand and analyze business
communication situations
B. Identify our audiences/recipients
C. Analyze our audiences/recipients
D. Choose channels to reach our audiences
E. Use audience analysis to adapt our message
F. Create reader benefits
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
A. Understand and analyze business
communication situations
 to whom should we send a message?
 What channel should we use ?
 What should we say ?
 How should we say it ?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
B.
Identify our audiences/recipients
Initial Audience
the first audience to get our message,
sometimes the one Who tells us to write
the message.
Primary audience
The one who decide whether to accept our
recommendations or will act on the basis of our
message.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Secondary audience
The one who may be asked to comment
On our message or to implement our
Ideas after they’ve been approved.
Gatekeeper
The one who has the power to stop your
message instead of sending it on to other
Audiences.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Watchdog audience
The one who has political, social, or
Economic power, and pays close
attention to the transaction between
you and the primary audience and may
base future actions on its evaluation of
our message.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 1
Jane is an assistant account executive
in an advertisement agency. Her boss
asks her to write a proposal for a
marketing plan for a new product which
the agency’s client is introducing.
Pleas identify Jane’s audiences
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
TYPES OF
AUDIENCES
Initial audience
Primary Audience
Secondary
Audience
Gatekeeper
Watchdog Audience
THE REAL AUDIENCES
•
Jane’s Boss
•
executive committee of
the client company
•
marketing staff of the
client company
• artists, writers, media
buyers
•
the relevant government
authority
CASE 2
A consulting company was hired by a
group of manufacturers to write a
report on how potential changes of
some regulations would affect
manufacturing, safety and costs of a
consumer product.
Please identify the consulting
company’s audiences.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Initial audience
Primary audience
Secondary audience
Watchdog
Gatekeeper
the group of manufacturers
government
industry reviewers
general public
competitors
potential clients of the company
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
C.
Analyze our audiences/recipients

When analyzing individuals,
we can use common sense and
empathy
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 When analyzing the organizational culture
we pay attention to its myths, stories and
heroes revealed verbally, and its allocation
of space, money and power showed and felt
nonverbally.
 When analyzing members of groups
we can refer to demographic characteristics
(人口统计特征), psychographic characteristics
(人格心理特性), values and life styles (价值观-生
活方式图)
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Group work!
Age (Under 30, 30-60, Above 60)
Education level (Less educated,Highly
educated)
Character(outgoing,conservative)
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
D. Choose channels to reach your
audiences
Communication channels vary in speed,
accuracy of transmission, cost, number of
messages carried, number of people reached,
efficiency and ability to promote goodwill.
Depending on the audience, our purposes ,
and the situation, on channel may be better
than other.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
E. Use audience analysis to adapt our
message
• What will the reader’s initial reaction(反应)be
to the message?
• How much information does the reader need?
• What obstacles(障碍)must we overcome?
• What positive aspects can we emphasize?
• What expectations does the reader have about
the appropriate language, structure, and form
for messages?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
F.
Create reader benefits
Reader benefits are benefits or advantages
that the reader gets by using services, buying
our products, following our policies, or
adopting our ideas.
 Identify the feelings, fears, and needs that may
motivate our reader
 Identify the features of our product that could
meet the needs
 Show how the reader can meet his or her needs
with the features of the policy or product.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Some tips:
 Adapt to the lowest level we need to reach
without offending(冒犯)those at higher levels.
 Without offending the gatekeepers and the
decision makers, use the primary audiences
to determine level of detail, organization,
level of formality, and use of technical terms
and theory.
 Find out and/or emphasize the common
interests.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Suggestions For Selecting Words
 Use familiar words
 Choose short words
 Use slang(俚语)words with caution(谨慎)
 Use technical words and acronyms(只取
首字母的缩写词)with caution
 Select words with the right strength
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 Use concrete(具体的)language
 Use the active(积极的)voice
Select words for precise meanings
 Use gender-neutral words
 Avoid words that stereotype by race,
nationality, or sexual orientation(倾向性)
Avoid words that typecast those with
disabilities
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 1
Long, Unfamiliar Words Short, Familiar Words
Abbreviate
Accomplish
Approximately
Ascertain
Commence
Considerable
Determine
Detrimental








Shorten
Do
About
Find out
Begin
Much
Decide
Harmful
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Long, Unfamiliar Words Short, Familiar Words
Duplicate
Elevation
Equivalent
Fabricate
Furnish
Indeterminate
Indicate
Ineffectual








Copy
Height
Equal
Build
Give
Vague
Show
Useless
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Long, Unfamiliar Words Short, Familiar Words
Interrupt
Minimal
Modification
Proceed
Supersede
Ultimate
Visualize
Verification








Hinder
Smallest
Change
Go
Replace
Last
Picture
Proof
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 2
What do these letters mean?
 RFID
 FTC
 CD
 IPO
 RV
 NATO
 IRS







Radio Frequency Identification
Federal Trade Commission
Certificate of Deposit/Compact Disc
Initial Public Offering
Recreational Vehicle
North Atlantic Treaty Organization
Internal Revenue Service
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 3
Abstract
Concrete
We have found that this
technique is successful.
Our research shows that 87 percent
of those using this technique are
successful.
Your department may hire some Your department may hire three new
new employees.
stock clerks.
We will ship your order soon.
We will ship the Moss No. 41 desk
sets you ordered October 12 by
Arrow Freight on October 15.
Each of the branch managers will Each of the branch managers will
receive a substantial pay raise. received a 15 percent pay raise.
This procedure requires a
This process requires a constant
constant low temperature.
temperature of 10 degrees
centigrade.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 4
Sexist
Nonsexist
We will reimburse any employee We will reimburse any employee for
travel expenses paid.
who paid his travel expenses.
If a customer pays promptly, he
is placed on our preferred list.
A customer who pays promptly is
placed on our preferred list.
A physician(医师)should treat
his patients with respect.
A physician should treat patients
with respect.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Sexist
Nonsexist
If a customer pays promptly, If customers pay promptly,
he is placed on our preferred they are placed on our
list.
preferred list.
When an unauthorized(未被授
权的(employee enters the
security area, he is subject
to dismissal(解雇).
When unauthorized
employees enter the security
area, they are subject to
dismissal.
A supervisor is not
Supervisors are not
responsible for such losses if responsible for such losses if
he is not negligent(疏忽的).
they are not negligent.
When a customer needs
service, it is her right to ask
for it.
When customers need
service, they have the right
to ask for it.
Sexist
Nonsexist
If a customer pays promptly, he is
placed on our preferred list.
If a customer pays promptly, he or
she is placed on our preferred list.
When an unauthorized employee
enters the security area, he is
subject to dismissal.
When an unauthorized employee
enters the security area, he/she is
subject to dismissal.
A supervisor is not responsible
for such losses if he is not
negligent.
A supervisor is not responsible
for such losses if s/he is not
negligent.
When a customer needs service, it
is her right to ask for it.
When service is needed, one has
the right to ask for it.
C. Construction of clear sentences
1.EMPHASIS ON SHORT SENTENCES
Writing clearly generally involves
writing short sentences, though there
are exceptions.
We can write short sentences in two
ways:
 by limiting content
 by using words economically
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
some troublesome (麻烦的) problems
About uneconomical wordings:




Cluttering Phrases
Surplus（多余的） Words
Roundabout（拐弯抹角的） Constructions
Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Economizing on Words
× cluttering phrases √ eliminate cluttering
phrases
 Regardless（不管） of the fact that sales
increased, profits continue to decline.
Even though sales increased, profits continue to
decline.
 Production will decrease next month due to the
fact that we must retool for the next model.
Production will decrease next month because
we must retool for the next model.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 In very few instances do the salespeople
receive bonuses over the amount of $100.
The salespeople seldom（很少） receive
bonuses over $100.
 At all times the cash box is kept locked.
The cash box is always locked.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
× surplus words √ cutting surplus words
 You are hereby instructed to send all daily
reports directly to this office as promptly（迅速
地） as possible.
Please send all reports to this office promptly.
 Your attention is directed to paragraph 3,
which summarizes the findings of this study.
Paragraph 3 summarizes the findings of this
study.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
× roundabout constructions
√ rephrase（改撰） roundabout constructions
 All the books are in readiness（准备就绪） for
the annual audit.
The books are ready for the annual audit.
 It is our expectation that this plan will be
successful.
We expect the plan to succeed.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
× unnecessary repetition √ remove
unnecessary repetition
 We have verified the charges to your account
and find that the account balances on our
books agree with the account balances on your
books.
We have verified the charges to your account
and find that our records agree with yours.
 This change will enable us to get started
sooner than if we wait for a later date.
This change will enable us to get started
sooner.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
2.Determining Emphasis in Sentence Design
Normally, short and simple sentences carry
More emphasis than long, involved ones.
Write sentences that give their contents
proper emphasis
Example Sentences
on pp51-52 of the textbook
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
3. Giving the Sentences Unity(统一)
Violations(违背) of unity in sentence
construction fall into three categories:
 Unrelated ideas
 Excessive(过多的) detail
 Illogical(不合逻辑的)constructions
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 unrelated ideas
put the ideas in separate sentences √
make one of the ideas subordinate(服从) to
the other √
add words that show how the ideas are
related √
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 1

The Passman shredder(撕碎机) was
the first manufactured, and we have
had a Timmons since 1996.
put the ideas in separate sentences
The Passman shredder was the first
manufactured. We have had a
Timmons since 1996.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 2
The weather was unusually bad last
month, and sales of Drummond
products increased 12 percent.
make one of the ideas subordinate to
the other
Even though the weather was
unusually bad last month, our sales of
Drummond products increased 12
percent.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 3
We value your satisfaction, and we
have carefully looked into the
handling(处理) of your order.
add words that show how the
ideas are related
 Because we value your satisfaction,
we carefully looked into the handling
of your order.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
D. Writing for effect
Building Goodwill
(1) friendly, co-operation or helpful feeling
(2) (financial value attached to the) good
reputation of an established business
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
1.You-Attitude / You-Viewpoint
A style of writing that looks at things
from the reader’s point of view,
emphasizing what the reader wants to
know, respecting the reader’s
intelligence, and protecting the reader’s
ego.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
How to create You-attitude?
DO what?
DON’T DO what?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 Focus not on what you do for the reader,
but on what the reader receives or can do.
In positive situations, stress what the
reader wants to know.
 Refer to the reader’s request or order
specifically.
 Don’t talk about your own feelings unless
you’re sure the reader wants to know how
you feel.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 Don’t tell reader how they feel or will react
 In positive situations: use you more often
than I; use we when it includes the readers
 In negative situations: avoid the word you;
protect the reader’s ego; use passive verbs
and impersonal expressions to avoid
assigning blame.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 1
 I have negotiated an agreement with Apex
Rent-a-Car that gives you a discount on
rental cars.
As a Sunstrand employee, you can now get
a 20% discount when you rent a car from
Apex.
 We are shipping your order of September 21
this afternoon.
The two dozen Corning Ware starter sets you
ordered will be shipped this afternoon and
should reach you by September 28.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 2
Your order…
[ You-attitude (to individual) ]
The desk chair you ordered…
[ You-attitude (to a large store) ]
Your invoice #783329 …
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 3
We are happy to extend you a credit
line of $5,000.
You can now charge up to $5,000 on
your American Express card.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 4
 You’ll be happy to hear that Open Grip
Walkway Channels meet OSHA
requirements.
Open Grip Walkway Channels meet OSHA
requirements.
 You’ll be happy to hear that your
scholarship has been renewed.
Congratulations! Your scholarship has
been renewed.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 5
We provide health insurance to all
employees.
You receive health insurance as a fulltime Procter& Gamble employee.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 6
You must get approval(正式批准) from
the director before you publish any
articles or memoirs based on your
work in the agency.
Agency personnel must get approval
from the director to publish any
articles or memoirs based on their
work at the agency.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
You-Attitude beyond the Sentence Level
① Tips to Create Goodwill with Content:
 Be complete. When you have lots of
information to give, consider putting some
details in an appendix, which may be read
later.
 Anticipate and answer questions the
reader is likely to have.
 When you include information the reader
didn’t ask for, show why it is important.
 Show readers how the subject of your
message affects them.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
② Tips to Organize Information to Build
goodwill
 Put information readers are most
interested in first
 Arrange information to meet your reader’s
needs, not yours.
 Use headings and lists so that the reader
can find key points quickly.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE: A letter lacking You-attitude
Dear Ms. McFarland
We are ready to issue a check to Rollins Equipment
in the amount of $14,207.02. To receive said check,
you will deliver to me a release of the mechanic’s
liens in the amount of $14,207.02.
Before we can release the check, we must be
satisfied that the release is in the proper form. We
must insist that we be provided with a stamped
original of the lien indicating the document number
in the appropriate district court where it is filed. Also,
either the release must be executed by an officer of
Rollins Equipment, or we must be provided with a
letter from an officer of Rollins Equipment
authorizing another individual to execute the release.
Please contact the undersigned so that an
appointment can be scheduled for this transaction.
…
Dear Ms. McFarland
Let’s clear up the lien in the Allen contract.
Rollins will receive a check for $14,207.02 when you
give usa release for the mechanic’s lien of 14,207.02.
To assure us that the release is in the proper form,
1. Give us a stamped original of the lien indicating the district
court number, and
2. Either
a. Have an officer of Rollins Equipment sign the
release or
b. Give us a letter from a Rollins officer authorizing
someone else to sign the release.
Call me to tell me which way is best for you.
2.Positive Emphasis
How to Create Positive Emphasis?
How to Apologize?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
A.How to Create Positive Emphasis
 Avoid negative words and words with
negative connotations.
 State information positively. Focus on
what the reader can do rather than on
what you won’t or can’t let the reader do.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
 Justify negative information by giving a
reason or linking it to a reader benefit.
 If the negative is truly unimportant, omit
it.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 1
negative
We have failed to finish taking
inventory（存货）.
better
We haven’t finished taking inventory.
still better
We will be finished taking inventory
Friday.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
negative
If you can’t understand this
explanation, feel free to call me.
better
If you have further questions, just
call me.
still better
Please call me for further information
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
negative
Never fail to back up your disks.
better
Always back up your disks.
negative
Your balance of $835 is delinquent（拖
欠）.
better
Your balance of $835 is past due.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 2
negative
We will not allow you to charge more
than $1,500 on your VISA account.
better
You can charge $1,500 on your new
VISA card.
or
Your new VISA card gives you $1,500
in credit that you can use at thousands
of stores nationwide.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
negative
You will not qualify for the student
membership rate of $25 a year unless
you are a full-time student.
better
You get all the benefits of membership
for only $25 a year if you’re a fulltime student.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 3
negative
We cannot sell computer disks in lots of
less than 10.
better
To keep down packaging costs and to
help customers save on shipping and
handling costs, we sell computer disks
only in lots of 10 or more.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Remember these tips:
• The beginning and end are always
positions of emphasis.
• Put negatives in the middle of a
paragraph rather than in the first or
last sentence.
• Giving a topic lots of space
emphasizes it. Therefore, you can deemphasize negative information by
giving it as little space as possible.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
B.How to Apologize
 No explicit（直率的） apology is
necessary if the error is small and if
you are correcting the mistake.
 Do not apologize when you are not
at fault.
 When you apologize, do it early,
briefly and sincerely.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 1
negative
I’m sorry the clerk did not credit
your account properly.
better
Your statement has been corrected
to include your payment of $263.75.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 2
negative
I’m sorry that I could not answer
your question sooner. I had to wait
until the sales figures for the second
quarter where in.
better
We needed the sales figures for the
second quarter to answer your
question. Now that they’re in, I can
tell you that…
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
CASE 3
negative
I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letter
sooner, I hope that my delay hasn’t
inconvenienced you.
better
I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letter
sooner.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
SUMMARY
Written communication
Adaptation and the selection of words
(how to adapt? Tips of selecting
words)
Construction of clear sentences
(Short sentence)
Writing for effect (You-attitude)
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao
Reference
商务与管理沟通（Business and
administrative communication) ,Kitty
O. Locker. 机械工业出版社
实用商务英语写作教程 徐仁凤 东南大学出版社
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao